I’ve decided I am saying no to tolerance. Wikipedia says “Toleration and tolerance are terms used in social, cultural, and religious contexts to describe attitudes which are ‘tolerant’ (or moderately respectful) of practices or group memberships that may be disapproved of by those in the majority.”
For years I have been hearing about the act of tolerance from schools, government, and well-meaning people around me. I have tried and tried to grasp it as a way of life but I have finally wrestled with the concept of tolerating enough to have decided that I choose to say no to tolerance.
I tolerate you so much.
I love you so much.
Which sentiment would you rather hear from someone who you know?
I will not deny that tolerance has been a part of my life. It usually sneaks its ugliness into my heart when I have been hurt by someone or when someone reminds me of someone else who has hurt me in the past. A certain look or tone of voice will trigger a previous wound and I will quickly place a new acquaintance into a box of tolerance because I am too scarred and scared to take the chance of them being different from the person that they remind me of.
Other times that I have defaulted to tolerance is when I am not sure how to handle behavior that is intolerable. Those are the times that I might think that one wrong-doing as worse than another so it is easier to avoid interacting with those who struggle with those unspeakable behaviors. When in doubt, tolerate.
Good Lord, forgive me for tolerating. My poor choices are no better or worse than someone else’s. The consequences and levels of pain may naturally vary but how dare I choose to hurt people even further by just tolerating them.
I have done nothing better than to reject someone when I choose to give crumbs of toleration.
Tolerance is a small part of love but it cannot even come close to replacing love. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. When we tolerate, we stay clear of the mess and there is no sharpening going on which means very little to no growth is happening. I will choose to love.
I will not label and ignore and brush off and snub and pretend and gossip. I will sit down with and communicate with and cry with and laugh with and seek to understand better. What a wonderful, messy adventure it is to love.
Love requires more of us. Love will be uncomfortable but it is also so much more rewarding for us and those we love. Love is a choice, though. It will not always come easy. I have noticed that when my family and loved ones go through busy and difficult seasons, we often slide into a daze of tolerating one another just to get over the waves. It is when we humbly choose to love once again at a conscious level that we again finally consciously realize the difference between tolerance and love.
Have you been so busy tolerating that you have forgotten how to love? And yes, by love, I mean loving everyone.
I hope that you will join me in saying no to tolerance… and yes to love.
Deanna McCaulley, CMHC: Deanna’s love for baking and cooking first began when she sat upon a baker’s stool & napped on bakery shelves as a little girl. Her love for people grew in the midst of church potlucks. After raising her children, a career in banking, and twenty years in counseling & pastoral ministry, Deanna opened an award-winning B&B where she entertained many happy guests – including celebrities. Deanna has been featured on local and national TV. She now hosts her website Cook for real. Connect for real. full of recipes & resources that will totally improve your social life.
