The last day of school was a chaotic day from the start. Really it was chaotic even before it started. My daughter was up in the night with a small cough, big enough to wake her up and make her come into our room and keep us all restless. The alarm went off much too early and when I felt her forehead I felt a sense of dread.
My daughter had a fever on the last day of Kindergarten.
I checked her temp and it was hovering in the 99 range so not quite into the 100 range, yet. Not really a fever.
You know how there are these moments when you have a choice because you actually know if you send your daughter to school you are going to get the call that she has a real fever, but you also think, right now it’s not a real fever so maybe….
In those moments you should likely always listen to the small still voice in your head that says, “Keep your daughter at home.”
I did not listen to said voice. It was the last day of Kindergarten and I could let her miss such a pivotal moment in her education journey.
I gave her some Tylenol. She wouldn’t eat breakfast because she looked like she could throw up at any minute, so I gave her a plastic bag, told her this is the time that beautiful memories are made one final day with her friends and sent her into her last day of Kindergarten. I was sure she would remember this day fondly for the rest of her life because as soon as she was among friends I convinced myself all would be healed.
Drop off happened at 8:15am.
The call came at 9:15am.
“Your daughter was such a trooper. She made it through her entire concert and then….”
Wait, what?? Concert?
“The Kindergarten sang so well and your daughter was right up front and she did great. We took her temperature and it is over 100 and….” Insert all the words about how she is sick that I was totally expecting but now all I can think about is the fact that I missed her last concert.
GUILT. ALL THE GUILT. SO MUCH GUILT.
On my way to pick her up and take her home, I ran into two moms of her friends who were coming out of the concert. They told me how well the class had sang. I couldn’t help but feel devastated that I had missed probably the best concert of my life as all Kindergarten concerts are. MORE GUILT.
I saw tears in her eyes when she saw me. I think she was sad that she felt yucky and not that I missed the concert, but I told myself it was because I missed the most important moment of her entire life.
We headed home and I made a big deal out of her missing the last day, apologizing over and over again. In all honesty I’m pretty I made her feel worse than she actually felt.
While I snuggled with her in bed, I posted on Facebook about how I was so sad she missed her last day of school and how she was devastated. It’s one of those moments where you are really posting so that others can confirm our guilt. Why do we want to feel guilty?
One of the other moms posted a little clip of the concert and I saw her singing and she looked like she was about to throw up on stage. Her teacher told me she was afraid she was going to pass out. Not good.
OH THE GUILT!
I’ve wasted a lot of time on the guilt regarding this situation as you can tell.
Now that we are a month out of the situation I can realize the truth.
- It’s one concert. A Kindergarten concert. We’ve got a few more to go.
- It’s one day of school. She still passed Kindergarten.
- Next time I will listen to the little voice that says I should keep my daughter at home because she is sick.
- Mom guilt is dumb. There is nothing I could do to change that situation. Being sick happens. I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m still a good mom.
We really need to stop beating ourselves up over things we cannot control. Today my encouragement to you is to let it go, mom. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t make yourself feel guilty. Do your best daily and let the rest go.
Keep repeating this: Mom guilt is dumb. There is nothing I could do to change that situation. I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m still a good mom.
Is it sinking in yet or do you need to repeat it again?
