I’m not gonna lie. If there’s one thing I love hearing more than anything else, it’s that I’m a good mom. I work hard at it – harder than anything else I do in this life. And the recognition feels good.
But you know what purpose that recognition primarily serves? Inflating my ego.
When I first became a mom, I thought it was an identity. Until I realized I had lost my own, and my complete worth and value (or lack thereof) became hinged upon my success as a parent. It was stressful, especially after I came to understand that “train up a child” is a proverb, not necessarily a promise. I realized that there are no guarantees, even for the very best of parents.
Because the responsibility of raising our children is so great and the tasks so constant and all-consuming, it’s incredibly easy to make family an idol and turn motherhood into an identity. But when we do that we step into dangerous territory. If we completely wrap ourselves and our success around our parenting abilities but something goes differently than we expected, we have failed.
Perhaps our children will make choices we disagree with, or turn out differently than we hoped. Perhaps we ended up bottle-feeding when we planned to breastfeed. Maybe our birth plan went sideways and we didn’t get the experience we hoped for. Maybe we planned to stay home but we ended up working. Maybe we wish we could give our children two parents but are doing it solo.
If motherhood is our identity but our plans go awry, we are failures. But, If motherhood is our role and the game changes, we press on. It’s no longer a matter of success or failure.
This life, it’s not about me. It’s not even about my kids. It’s about something much, much greater than motherhood. I adore my children and love being their mom, but it’s more important to me that I be known as a child of God, beloved of Jesus, lover of people, giver of kindness.
Motherhood is not an identity, it is a role. And it’s not lost on me that it’s a role some women wait years, often painfully, to take on. But no matter how long and winding or direct and unexpected our journey into motherhood was, we need to remember that our God-given identities were not wiped clean when that baby was placed in our arms. We were given a role, a duty, a responsibility. And though that responsibility is certainly great and heavy and important, we can’t let it completely define who we are.
There is only One who can define us. {And it’s not our children.}
Instead, mamas, let’s be first and foremost known as women of God.
Women of God who happen to have been tasked with the duty of raising children.
Did you ever lose your identity to motherhood? Today, what is the identity you hope to be known for?
