“I’ll never be able to forgive myself,” she whispered and then hung her beautiful head in shame. I was holding her hands in mine trying to get her to look up at me while I did my best to convince her about the lavish grace waiting on her if she was just willing to receive it. Our conversation went like this, it’s the same dialogue we all have with ourselves in dark moments:
“Do you believe the word of God is true?”
“Yes.”
“But you believe his forgiveness and promises are for everyone else but you?”
“I don’t deserve them.” Where shame tried to threaten her, I did my best to surround her.
“None of us do, but they are ours for the taking.”
We are not too far gone to forfeit the grace Jesus purchased for us. While he throws our sins into the sea of forgetfulness, we drag them right back out, carrying them with us throughout life. But this is the place where surrender begins. When we are ready to trade our burdens from the mess we made for his perfect plan, our identity becomes in whom we belong to instead of our past mistakes.
I reminded my friend I am far from perfect; I am just someone who keeps trying and refuses to give up.
I am a girl stitched together and mended. I am not what happened to me or defined by it. I am not limited by broken moments; I have been launched by them and positioned for a purpose.
I am a messy woman who finds value in honest moments instead of faking perfection. All the things I thought would limit me have made me someone I really like.
Broken homes cannot stop us.
Loss cannot limit us.
Pain cannot erase the promises of God meant for you and me. Those heartaches simply point towards Christ and all that he has done for us. We share our stories and we heal a little more each time we are brave enough to admit one more thing that we’ve hidden for years trying to make peace with it.
Peace comes and joy takes up permanent residency in a surrendered heart, so I guess I am a woman who refuses to hang on to things that are toxic. I refuse to entertain them, dwell on them, or fuss about things that are not my job to change.
Learning to forgive well and often has been my bravest act and the thing I am most proud of. It was easier when I was younger and ridiculously perky. Now it’s a choice I refuse to unmake dismissing the truth that I also need a truck-load of forgiveness daily.
We press on toward the things that matter most and build the ones around us up. We cheer the loudest for our loved ones because we know that their success is ours as well. Instead of competing, we link arms together to do the work that God has called us to do.
I would rather fight for you instead of with you. I want to love you fiercely without strings attached.
I have found the worth that I longed for as a child. The worth I thought I had to earn was already mine; I had to learn to receive it instead of trying to work for it. Now, what you see is what you get. I am unmasked and unhindered. This can be your new normal, too.
What is the measure of our worth?
A mirror cannot show it.
A man cannot assure you of it.
A magazine cannot strip you of it.
Our past cannot deny us of it.
And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the LORD,who call you by your name, am the God of Israel. (Isaiah 45:3)
About the Author: Jennifer Watson is the author of Freedom! The Gutsy Pursuit of Breakthrough and the Life Beyond It, a wife, mother of two teenage daughters, and national speaker. Jennifer has been in full-time ministry for twenty years and is passionate about investing in others. Jennifer is an overly affectionate Southern girl with an undying affection for cupcakes and red lipstick. You can connect with Jennifer at www.jenniferreneewatson.com and join her community there.
