Calgon, Take Me Away!

There was a commercial a while back that showed moms in stressful situations.  At the height of their frustration, these women would put their hands on their heads and say, “Calgon, take me away!”  And, suddenly they would be soaking in a beautiful tub full of bubbles.  Lit candles were everywhere, soft music was playing and they smiled in blissful peace.

For those of us who were moms at the time, we laughed bitterly every time the ad came on.  Seriously, who were they kidding?

Have you ever tried to escape to the bathroom – for any reason?  It usually doesn’t end well.  Here’s what happens:

• Everyone in the entire household suddenly has to go potty at the same time.
• Even though you’ve asked your hubby to run interference, he disappears … to find something in the garage, mow the lawn or do some other outdoor task that involves not being able to hear the kids.
• A fight breaks out between the kids and there is a scary amount of screaming. Or, someone falls and there is blood involved.
• Even though you have put the children to bed, they pop back up with a loose tooth, a nosebleed or to ask why dogs don’t fly.
• Even the pets yowl at the door or stick their paws underneath in search of mama.

You get the idea.  There is no silent retreat for moms.  Unless you travel to one of those “vow-of-silence” Monasteries.

And, don’t even get me started on the gorgeous bathrooms shown in the commercials.  Where did the hamper of dirty clothes disappear to?  Who scrubbed the tub?  Where did all those candles come from?

There’s just so much wrong with those ads, I don’t even know where to begin.

This was brought home to me again the other day after I’d only had a few hours of sleep the night before and my grandkids came over for the day.  They are old enough to play by themselves and they were happily involved with toys so I decided to just lay down on top of my bed with the door open.

But, the Mom/Nana signal immediately went off (it’s like the bat signal only more powerful!).  Oh, no!  She’s trying to rest!  My six-year-old grandson came in my room approximately every 30 seconds, jumping on the bed, off the bed, in the closet and back on the bed again while he chatted the whole time.  And, our conversation (mostly one-sided) went something like this:

“Why are all the leaves gone from your blueberry bushes?”

“Will berries still grow on there next year?”

“I accidentally broke General Poe’s light saber.”

“Do I have any aunts and uncles I don’t know about?”

“Have you ever read Calvin and Hobbes?”  “Want me to tell you every comic I remember?”

“How come this room is always so dusty?”

And, those old feelings of needing a place of refuge and quiet came back to me.  If I’d had any Calgon in the house I would have poured some in the doorway just to see if it worked!  I suddenly remembered my desperate need for some peace and quiet as a mom and how rare it was in my life back then.

I tip my hat to all of you who are in the motherhood trenches right now.  The never-ending nature of being a mommy can be so draining at times and a place of refuge would be so welcome.  I just don’t know whether your bathroom will magically transform into one.

Maybe Calgon should open up salons with lovely, clean bathrooms, no interruptions and lots of bubbles.

How do you find some quiet time?  Or, do you?