When dating as a single mom, the question of “When should he meet my child?” is the most stressful and conflicting part about finding your true soulmate.
You meet a guy and he seems awesome, wonderful, and downright amazing! BUT, you are unsure about when the appropriate time is for him to meet your little one. I have read many articles for guidance on when best to introduce a guy to my child and I have concluded that… there is no conclusion! All of the articles state something completely different!
Some articles state that the man should meet your child ASAP. It is mentioned that you are a “package deal” with your child and the potential partner needs to accept this theory upfront. But what if you don’t know if you really like the guy until months down the line? Introducing a guy to your child early could make you want to keep the guy around just because of the relationship that he has developed with your child versus the connection that you don’t feel with him. This could put you in an awkward spot if you don’t see yourself with the guy in the future.
Other articles say wait… wait… and wait. These articles state that you should be in a committed relationship first or the partner should be planning to propose. This theory caused me to ponder. “How could a guy feel comfortable getting into a mutually exclusive relationship with me without building a relationship with my child first?” What if the child doesn’t hit it off with the guy? You would have wasted months or possibly years falling for a guy that your child hates especially if a relationship with your child is something that you value with a potential partner.
I am not an expert on dating with a child and I don’t believe anyone should claim to be. However, I do believe each situation is different. Below are 5 questions that you should consider when deciding when is the right time for him to meet your child:
1. Have your conversations involved a future with you two together?
Does he see you as a potential wife? Has he discussed the possibility of a serious future together? If a guy sees a future with you then it is definitely time that you introduce him to your child because a future with you is a future with your child. That child is in your life…forever!
2. Is he willing to make the first introduction special?
The last thing I wanted to see as a child of a single mom was a strange man come to our house and sit on the couch and try to make a conversation with me. Your home is your child’s zone. Your special guy should be willing to meet at a park or somewhere that is fun for the child. Meeting at a fun place will allow your child to associate fun, good feelings, and positive vibes with this new man entering the picture. It doesn’t hurt for the guy to butter your child up by bringing a toy, coloring book, or candy. Anything to make the child feel special in the introduction.
3. Have you communicated with the father?
This is an extremely touchy subject but vital to your success in building a great relationship with the potential partner and your child. Is your ex secure in his role as a father? If your child does not have a relationship with the father, then make sure you manage this situation maturely. Do your best to ensure that no drama or jealousy exists between the new guy and the father. If there is, it is up to you to manage the drama in a responsible and classy way.
4. Is he concerned with your child’s well-being?
Does he ask about your child when you communicate? Does he seem concerned or worried when you are concerned and worried about your child? Has he shown a genuine interest in bringing value to your child’s life? This is important in assessing the maturity and his level of interest in becoming a role model for your child. If your child is sick or needs help or advice with school and the potential partner shows no concern, then it’s not the right time to introduce this individual to your baby. Pay attention to his genuine concern for the best for you and your child.
5. Do you feel good “vibes” about his intentions?
Mothers have a gut feeling that never seems to be wrong. The saying “Mama Knows Best” should not be taken lightly. You know when it feels right in a relationship. You know when things are not going the way it should. If it feels right and your intuition is telling you that you are in a great situation with a guy who is honest about his good intentions, then go for it! Trust your instincts. Don’t think that you are “overthinking” it. You should overthink everything that involves your child and who you bring in and out of their life. Trust yourself and the vibes you get from the individual before considering the first introduction!
Please remember! When introducing your child to the new man in your life, have no expectations. You cannot force your child to like him and you cannot force him to like your child. You have to let the relationship form organically on its own. Allow time to take its course. Enjoy the process and I wish you love and the beginning of a great relationship!
Read more of Georgina’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
