One of the best things you can do for your children’s spiritual life—if not the best thing—is to give them a solid and secure relationship with the most important person in their life: you!
Your child’s relationship with God is, at least initially, going to look a lot like their relationship with you. At some point they will make their own decision to follow Jesus or not, and as a parent, you want to give them every opportunity to see God as a loving and generous parent, full of grace and kindness.
If this responsibility terrifies you, I get it. If you didn’t have good role models to follow, you aren’t alone. If you feel too broken to parent well, I understand.
If you didn’t have perfect parents—and nobody does or is, so just let that expectation drop off your shoulders right this minute—God can give you what you need to be patient, kind, firm, compassionate, or whatever the moment requires.
Love is the foundation. If you love your kids and show them, you’ve won already. Part of loving them well is sharing your faith with them and leading them to the One who is Love.
Keep Jesus as your #1 Priority
As a mom, my highest priority was that my boys would follow the Lord. My husband Jay and I are far from perfect. We do not have perfect children. And, as is true in most families, our children are each unique—but ours are a bit more unique from each other than most siblings. Our first born, Taylor, hit every milestone early, made friends easily, did well in school, is talented musically, and excelled at sports. Our second born, Zack, is tender-hearted, emotional, and has intellectual disabilities and autism. Zack will remain a child mentally for his entire life. So the way we parent him is very different than the way we parent Taylor.
At the age of 23, Zack still loves Veggie Tales and has a theology that is simply “God loves me.” We rejoice when he waves his arms in the air while listening to worship songs and says “Amen” at the end of grace.
Being neuro typical, Taylor has a much greater capacity for complexity in his faith. That is a blessing and a challenge in parenting. And because that is more likely to be your experience, I’m going to focus the rest of this piece on how we parented Taylor.
There were years (all the way from late elementary through high school) when Jay and I prayed for just a glimpse of the Holy Spirit at work in Taylor. He was a good kid, and every now and then we’d see a spark of love for Christ, but there were also a lot of eye rolls whenever we tried to have devotions as a family, and other forms of passive resistance.
Then, you know what? He went away to a public university and fell in love with Jesus! Now he and his wife are in full-time ministry. God is faithful and He has plans for all of our kids that go beyond our hopes and dreams.
“Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us.”(Ephesians 3:20 AMP)
Pray Like Your Life Depends on It
Praying for our kids is the most effective way to bring them to Jesus, because God is the one who does the work. As much as we’d like it, we don’t have much control. But the Lord answers the prayers of a mom and dad for their child. It really helps to pray with other moms, too, whether with women friends or with a group like Moms in Prayer International.
In addition to praying for your kids, it’s important to pray with them. For example, on the way to school you can pray a blessing on their day. At bedtime, ask if there’s anything they want to share with you about their day (which can bring surprising confessions). Pray through those things and ask the Lord to help them sleep well. At mealtimes pray together for specific needs and thank God for his answers. And be sure you don’t do all the talking because your kids have things to say to God, too.
Foster a love for God’s Word
Life offers plenty of opportunities for teaching a Christian worldview. When your child is hurt or angry, teach about forgiveness. When they play sports and other kids on the team use bad language, talk about what living for Christ means. If you blow it as a parent, ask them to forgive you and use it as an opportunity to explain that God is the only One who is perfect and never fails. As you teach life principles, show your child what scripture says about the situations they are in, and lay it as the foundation for their life.
As parents, our goal is to get scripture into the hearts and minds of our kids in every way we can. For young children, keeping it short and age appropriate are important. Along with reading to them from a children’s Bible, it’s also fun to tell and/or act out the stories. And reading books about missionaries, athletes, and others who were faithful Christ followers is also a great way to build your child’s faith. YWAM Publishing is a good resource for kids’ Bibles, studies, books, and DVDs at https://www.ywampublishing.com/c-44-children-teens.aspx.
AWANA (https://www.awana.org/) is a great church program that focuses on Bible memorization. Taylor memorized dozens of verses through it. After he had memorized a long list, I challenged him: he would earn a dollar for each verse he could recite three days in a row (it’s easy to say the verse one time, but three days in a row means it’s really sticking). He did it! His motivation was to earn money, but I didn’t care. The important thing was that more than 30 verses from God’s Word got into His heart and mind.
In later elementary school, our son still wasn’t motivated to read the Bible on his own. So I created a Bible study for us to do together right before bed each night and we enjoyed reading scripture together.In junior high, Jay led a Bible study with kids Taylor’s age at our church. And in high school he got involved with Bible studies with peers after school. But at no point while growing up did we see Taylor really love reading the Bible. He did it because we wanted him to. However, when he went to college, some older students took him under their wing, and he began getting up early to read the Bible every day. He credits this for launching his spiritual growth.
Sometimes you have to plant a lot of seeds to see fruit. God is faithful, so don’t give up. Taylor explained it this way:
“Picture it like a savings account. Those things didn’t seem super valuable to me at the time, but now that I’m ready to be a kingdom worker they are paying dividends. I have the scripture written on my heart. It’s an investment.”
Promote Worship
When our kids were young, we listened to scripture songs. We watched lots of “Veggie Tales” and other shows that had music in them. And we listened to contemporary Christian music in the car and at home.
As Taylor got older it became obvious that he was a musician. He loved jazz and, much to my dismay, didn’t like modern Christian music. So I learned a lot about jazz and became a fan. I had no idea that there are some incredible jazz musicians who are Christians. God has followers everywhere! This was one of many times the Lord used my son to teach me to relax and trust Him.
As other kids at our church began to help lead worship, Taylor didn’t. They seemed to be growing leaps and bounds spiritually, and we just kept praying for signs of spiritual life. And when Taylor went off to college, again in God’s timing, he found believers he felt comfortable with and began to lead worship. God is so faithful.
Keep doing the right thing … and keep praying
Parenting is a long road, requiring determination, resilience, and never, ever, giving up.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time
we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)
This is a great promise for parents. Some people sow into their kids for their entire lives and years down the road they see the harvest. Some faithful parents never see it, but their child comes to Christ after they die.
We had many moments of worry about our son, but we kept praying. I am extremely thankful that Taylor responded as a young adult to the Lord. When I talked with him about this, he said:
“You and Dad did all the right things; I just didn’t wake up until I was 19 years old. And now the seeds that you and Dad sowed in me are being harvested.”
Just like the seeds we sowed in our son have born a harvest, you can count on the Lord to bring a harvest in your children.
– by Elizabeth Griffin
