I get quite a few messages about how to be the world’s meanest mom when it comes to technology. Here is my current (sometimes changing strategy) that will hopefully help you make the right choices for your family!
1) No screens behind closed doors. This might mean I tell their friends to hand over their devices.
2) I see everything that goes through the modem. We use the Circle 1st Gen and will upgrade to Circle Pro soon. I can pause the internet or a specific device anytime I feel necessary. Even just before that super important Victory Royale.
3) Screens are a privilege and not a right. Break the rules (or game the system) and you get a really long break.
4) First phones are Gabb Wireless. They are currently on sale for $69 and you get your first month of service for free with this link. No monitoring needed! Kids are learning freedom on phones with boundaries and it has eliminated 100% of fights. The connection to friends has been so good. Without the concerns. I highly recommend it! (PS – I’m no being paid to tell you this, I just think it’s great. I did include my affiliate link)
5) My daughter has a Kindle Kids Edition. Big kids now (thanks to Covid times) each have a Chromebook they use with a school login that prevents some (not all) of content we don’t want. I have a MacBook that runs through the filter also in case they are on it. Kids share an ancient iPad with no web browser and only apps I’ve approved so they can call and text and FaceTime (in public spaces) and not be on our phones all day talking to friends and family. Our phones have pass codes they occasionally hack but usually can’t access.
6) Kids still use Pinterest, YouTube, Web Browsers on my computer and Chromebooks. I can see all sites they go to through the Circle and hope the worst is blocked. The YouTube thing kills me though, it’s impossible to avoid all the crap. Mainly I just yell across the room, turn that off!
7) We take entire weeks with no screens and my kids are usually 100% nicer those weeks. We do no screens until rooms are what I call “cleaning lady clean” at all times. I make an exception for family shows.
Do the kids still find ways to get around my system? Yep! Do they still see crap I don’t want them to see? Yep! Would I rather burn all the tech and move to Antarctica some days? Yep!
At moments I’m so angry that we live in an era where I have to spend countless parenting hours arguing about screens, monitoring screens, taking away screens. And sometimes I see the value and embrace the good of technology.
But…I’m trying to navigate how to teach them responsibility while still protecting their minds and hearts that don’t have the ability to self-regulate yet. And be realistic that this is the world we live in and I won’t be able to control it all the time or forever.
Am I doing it right? I don’t know. Maybe? Maybe not? Sometimes? Will it change as they get older? Yep! My kids are 4-13. When they are 9-18 they system will be different I am sure! That’s the great thing about this whole journey, we can adjust as we need to.
What has been successful for you? Do tell!
Emilie is a busy mom passionate about fighting for the innocent, being vulnerable even when it’s hard and going on adventures with her family. She isn’t sure how she ended up in the suburbs of Seattle, raising four kids and driving a minivan but she wouldn’t have it any other way. You can find her airing all her dirty laundry to the masses on Instagram @emiliemcfarlane.
