We are so excited to have Monica Swanson on episode #133 to talk about being a Boy Mom. Her new book is a guidebook, packed with wisdom, practical advice, resources, and encouragement, explores how moms can equip their sons with what they most need to succeed in life. Let’s dig in to some practical ways we can master raising our boys!
Listen to “allmomdoes Podcast #133 – Monica Swanson – Boy Mom” on Spreaker.
On This Episode:
- Follow Monica Swanson online, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter
- Order Monica’s new book “Boy Mom“
Transcription:
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:00:00] I’m Julie Lyles Carr. And this is the allmomdoes podcast where each and every week we bring you special guests and episodes that are here to help equip and encourage you in your faith journey, for the kids you’re raising that romance you’re nurturing, the career that you have. All the things exactly right where you live.
So settle in, crank up that volume, grab a cup of coffee. I’m so glad you’re here.
Monica Swanson is in the house my friends, she is one of the premier voices on helping us unpack that weird, wonderful, mysterious world of raising boys. Monica. Welcome.
Monica Swanson: [00:00:45] Thank you so much
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:00:46] So glad you’re here. So give us some backstory on you because you just live in this terrible place.
Where am I getting to chat with you from, yes.
Monica Swanson: [00:00:59] So I’m on the North shore of Oahu in Hawaii and I got four boys all home. And my husband we’ve lived here for 19 years now. So it’s pretty much home.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:01:08] Wow. Where are you from originally?
Monica Swanson: [00:01:10] Yes, my husband and are both from the Pacific Northwest. So I’m from a small town near Seattle and my husband’s from a small town near Portland, Oregon.
And we met in Oregon. He went to medical school in Oregon, and then, um, his residency program brought us here to Hawaii and we just never left. And we stayed.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:01:28] I’m fascinated with how Hawaii is really becoming a fresh a hotspot again. I mean, I’m encountering a lot of young families who are saying, I’m moving to Hawaii and they’re doing it.
They’re making it happen. Are you seeing an influx of people?
Monica Swanson: [00:01:42] Oh, I am getting a lot of, um, you know, at least people reaching out to me telling me they’re thinking about it. They’re planning it. I think too, so many people are tired of the rat race, you know, especially who come from certain areas of the mainland.
And they just are like, okay, You know, they want it, they want to try a simpler life. So, yeah, it’s, it’s pretty cool.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:02:02] So I totally get the idea of Hawaii in general, but it sounds like you’re saying there really is a different pace of life. And what have you experienced in that? And how did you have the wisdom to grab onto that early?
Because girl, a few of us are just now kind of raising our heads and going, maybe we all been running a little too hard. So tell me about life on the way. Yeah, that that’s such a good question. And I would like to say that, yeah, it was more intentionality.
Monica Swanson: [00:02:29] Really. We were here for the three year residency.
I always assumed we would move back to the Northwest. I’m kind of a Seattle girl. I love the rain. I love seasons. I love coffee. But by the end of those three years, my husband was surfing. We had three boys. He wanted to raise surfers. And so I’m there. I can’t say that it would have been my first choice, but now that we’re raising our kids and seeing the fruit of this simpler life, I, I would say that, uh, there is just a lot more focus on family, on nature.
People, you know, at least in my circle of friends, there’s different areas of the Island. I’m kind of out in the country and it is a surf community. So really you don’t notice things like. Stuff. It’s not about the cars you drive. It’s not about the dishes you use. It’s like really laid back in that way. Um, and we go back and forth to the mainland, especially for surf contests.
We spend time in Orange County every summer and we love it there, but there is a different vibe as soon as we’re there. My husband’s like, Oh my goodness. My blood pressure just went up. We’ll drive the way people, like, there’s just such an image focus. And it’s like, okay, really uncomfortable when you’ve lived here where nobody really notices those things.
Um, however, it’s really expensive to live here. So if you. You know, the sacrifice is you’re not going to get a lot of stuff because you’re just trying to survive and feed your family. Everything costs so much more, right. You know, a gallon of milk to the gas and your electricity. Everything’s expensive.
So it’s kind of like you’re forced to live a simpler life.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:03:59] Right. But I do think you tap into something that is really fascinating to me because I grew up all over the US both coasts, third coast, mid, you know, all of it because of my dad’s career. And. It really does change your experience depending on geographically, where you’re living and the communities in which you live.
And I think sometimes when we talk about being intentional with our lives, with our marriage, with our careers, with our kids, we forget that component of what our civic experience is like and how that plays into our family lifestyle.
Monica Swanson: [00:04:29] Yep. For sure. I couldn’t agree more and I think I’m appreciating it more and more again, as the older my boys get and.
It’s just a neat, it’s been a blessing for our family.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:04:39] Right? How have you managed extended family relationships being in a place where he didn’t really have history or background or roots? How has that been and how have you maintained or had to embrace a different way that extended family as part of your kids and your life?
I think in the early years it was tough just because, you know, you always imagine when you have young children, having that extended family to come support you. So those are some hard years for me, parenting wise. Um, my parents have slowly migrated. They have a condo here on the North shore now that they spend part of the year.
So that’s a real blessing to have I’m in grandpa around in fact, they just spent the whole quarantine. They’re just flying back to Seattle, um, as we record today. But, um, For sure I think people who live in our community, there’s so many transplants from the mainland and we all have kind of learned to knit together as a community.
So through our church family, through the surf community, we kind of. Start to gather with people for holidays and special events as you would a family. So it’s kind of, it’s really special though I do miss the extended family that I would have on the mainland.
Right, right. But making your community part of that, I think is a really, really powerful thing and a great, great example to your kids.
Now you’ve got four boys. And so I’m going to ask the question that is such a jerk question. Um, but I’m probably sure that you have been asked it. And I know even when we had our first two who were girls everybody kept asking us, well, you’re going to go for a boy. And I have friends who with four boys. Was that a question you got a lot?
Well, you know the third one. Okay. Where you going for a girl? The fourth one. What were you going for? A girl? Where are you going to stop? You’re going to try to get a girl. How did you, how did you manage all that? And, and what do you think about some of those questions?
Monica Swanson: [00:06:19] Right. You know, I think God set me up.
Well, I was raised with only brothers. I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy. So I personally, I’ve never had a problem with having all boys. I love my boy life. Uh, but I do get that question. And if I were honest, I think after my third son, we went six years before we had number four and there was definitely a part of me that was like, Ooh, we waited long enough maybe something switched in the, and the chemistry set. Yeah. It’ll be our girl, but you know, he’s the most boy, boy of them all. So we got the four boys. When people bring that up, I just try to really keep it light and, and. Talk about all the blessings of the boys and not dwell because it could, it can get to you when you hear that question too many times.
So yeah. I just try to enjoy my boy life and, and hope for some sweet granddaughter’s, hope that I love my daughter in laws one day. And so we’ll see.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:07:11] Yeah. Yeah. And it is interesting because I think that. Hopefully we’re doing a better job in not using limiting concepts when it comes to the gender of our kids, but at the same time, we don’t want to throw out that there are some differences in raising boys and girls.
I mean, with, with my eight, my five girls, my three boys, there are definitely some things I had to be intentional about and think about with each of them. Of course, I’m a big, big believer anyway, that one size doesn’t fit all, you know, that we really do have to customize according to who our children each individually are, but with the boy lane, do you find that people sometimes think that you should be stamping them out or that if they’re boys, it means one thing, like how do you navigate those waters and honor the individuality in each of them since they’re in a cohesive group of the boys, right?
Monica Swanson: [00:08:02] Yeah, I guess so. I just haven’t let that get to me because I see my voice. So individually I I’m learning. Pretty early to kind of block out too many voices. That’s kind of part of the theme of, of my book. Boy Mom is just recognizing that if you listen to everybody, if you listen to all the voices and all the pressure, you’re going to go crazy.
So I had to decide early on what really matters, what, what’s my heart for these boys. What’s my husband and my vision for raising young men and then enjoying them each, individually. And they are as different as different can be. They’re best friends at this point. They’re, they’re all wonderful young men, but they’re very different from one another out.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:08:39] So yeah. What do you think we’re missing when it comes to the raising of boys in our culture today? It seems like in generations, past, there was a concept of what a man was and, and you raised him to that avatar. And now I think. Beautifully in opening up the definition of who a man is and what he does, but at the same time, in a way that can leave us feeling a little, you know, wobbly.
Right. What do you think we’re missing today in that, in that call to be raising men?
Monica Swanson: [00:09:10] Yeah, I think especially in the past couple of years, with just such a focus on the girl power movement and empowering young women and, you know, I’m all for it. Strong women. I like to think of myself as one, but I do believe that in that there has been a bit of, um, a loss of just that focus on strong men.
It’s like, we’re, you know, we’re, we’re wanting to move away from the toxic masculinity, which I think is a good move, but at the same time, that can sometimes strip men of all masculinity and, and make them ask the question, why am I not supposed to be strong? There’s such a focus on strong women. What about me?
And so my fear would be that. They are, boys are not being encouraged as much to rise up to be strong young men, which I think a strong young man, especially, you know, we’re Christians, we’re raising our boys to be Godly young men. That’s going to be a beautiful thing. A strong young man is, is really, um, yeah, not at all toxic it’s act rightly the man who will protect your daughters, who will, um, Rise up and, and be the kind of man you hope your daughters will marry one day.
So I think that’s probably the biggest thing I’ve seen in the past couple of years. And with that is just that focus on, I’m raising a gentlemen, raising a man who has character. That’s probably one of the biggest things I talk about in my book and on my blog is just raising young men of character and what that looks like to, uh, just have integrity to be a gentleman, to not be afraid to open the door for a woman or, um, just all of that.
The different character qualities that we look at somebody, you know, when you meet a young man, I often say you meet that kid sometimes in his twenties and you’re just going, I want to meet your mom. He did something, right? There’s something about your character that just shines. And that’s been my goal.
I always say that, that before I ever had kids, I remember meeting, you know, teenagers or young men. And when I saw that, I was like, that’s what I want. I want to raise a young man like that. So it kind of started me on a quest for what it takes to raise young men of character. And that’s been my heart in my parenting.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:11:10] How do we start? I mean, how do we do it? And let’s speak to the mom to who’s listening too and going, okay. I’ve got a 12, 13, 14 year old and I feel like we didn’t get off to a good start. Like I wasn’t thinking this way. So how do we begin to navigate that? That concept of the story of where we want to get those guys to, like, what are the beginning platforms of that?
Monica Swanson: [00:11:34] I think that, you know, for the, for the moms, you might have younger kids. I always say, you know, it starts with a lot of conversations in the home. It starts with just talking about character, talking about things. And really when they’re young manners is a great way to start, but it’s not the end, you know, you can’t think, okay.
I taught the manners and now they’re ready to go hit those tween and teen years. I just believe that every new year season requires a new conversations. And so there’s just got to be an intentionality. And I think when parents have their mindset on the vision for who those young men are going to become, it’s going to help steer the way I think one of the problems is we’re all so busy that we’re putting out today’s fire, we’re dealing with today’s crisis.
We’re dealing with whatever. What is going on in the moment. And we forget to cast our vision for the young men that these boys will one day be. But when we can start to think about that, pray about that, talk about that vision. It’s going to help us navigate in the day to day, um, things that we face. And so, yeah, a lot of conversations I believe in.
Yeah. Reading great books, that model character watching movies, that model character talking about it. I just think it’s, it’s really a lifestyle thing that families can focus on and gay by day it’s it doesn’t happen overnight, but it is something that can happen over time.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:12:45] Right? One of my sons became really fascinated, particularly with what Tom Brokaw put in his, in his book, you know, the greatest generation and became so convicted by these young men who were his age and their stories of going to war and the things that they stood for and their ideologies and what struck him was. Wow. We don’t even believe leave that the 18, 19, 20 year old guys of today would even have the capacity.
To be able to stand in that kind of leadership and thought forward-thinking and, and those kinds of needs. And so I’m curious how you’re unpacking in your family trying to change a little bit of the narrative when it comes to the ages and stages of what we’re expecting of our boys, going into men, you know, there have been such a beautiful disciplines in, you know, the Jewish faith of bar mitzvah, where there is this moment where a young man is told, okay.
Now from this point forward, at the age of 13, you’re being considered part of the period here, you got to, you got to step into that a little bit, and yet how we don’t have some of those natural thresholds anymore or where they exist. We sometimes are stomping in as moms. We Monica, I got to tell you, I have a brother who.has a company and they employ really high end scientific kind of people. And he has been amazed at time where you have these people who are clearly brilliant, who have come through these really amazing experiences and universities and have knocked it out of the park in terms of Scholastic achievement.
But he has heard from both experiences he’s had, and then also from his peers running other companies that sometimes you will literally have a mom call in and ask how the job interview went, you know, so, you know, what are we doing as moms? I mean, I know we love him. I know we want him to succeed, but we’re, are we almost telling them that we don’t believe they can, or they’re not capable or they can’t stand on their own?
How do you navigate that?
Monica Swanson: [00:14:46] Yup. That’s, that’s a tough one. And I think, you know, that the. Heart behind it is so good and pure. We just want to take care of our kids. We love them so much, but I think that there has to be that intentionality again, a word I just keep using, but when they hit a certain age to stop yourself and say, I have to let them try this and maybe fall and maybe fail, I have to let them learn from some natural consequence.
And so I think, um, one thing that I talk about is when. Most of our kids have a pretty easy life, right? I mean, we know that that adversity, the city is so powerful. It helps kids grow, helps all of us grow. But when a kid has a pretty easy life, there has to be some intentionality on our part to say, what can we do then to help them grow the character that they need, the grit that they need, the perseverance they need when they face the real world one day.
And so we almost have to be creative and come up with things in our home. And so for us, it’s. Giving them some hard jobs to do. It’s inside the house and outside the house. You know, whether it’s yard work or just saying, listen, it’s your week to do dishes. Even if you have a busy day and you have sports and you have ABCD, they’re still going to be sitting there because this is a little dose of reality.
This stuff you have to do, doesn’t go away. And when they have a hard project in school, not rescuing them in that last minute, not, not make, you know, rescuing them when they make a mistake in life. Walking them through it and saying, this is real life and you have to learn to do it even though it’s hard.
And it’s tough. I think for a lot of us whose kids really have a pretty simple, happy, comfortable life, we got to create ways for them to grow up and to grow up well. And again, it really requires having that vision for the young men. That they’ll be one day. If you don’t have that, it’s going to be really easy to just keep coddling them and rescuing them.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:16:32] Right. And I find too one thing that is interesting within our dynamic of family, my older sons, you are number three. And number five in the lineup, they had the experience of also being older brothers. You know, they had to come along and help with some of the younger kids. And, and if we say, you know, one of them’s now married, but to the one who’s still in our home, we’ll say to him, you know, Hey, we need you to jump in and help with the kitchen or whatever the thing is.
And he just kind of naturally does it. Our youngest is the very youngest of the twins. He’s the baby boy. And he never had that position of being the big brother. And I do find sometimes for him, he’s more put out, he’s got the sweetest nature. So please hear me on that, Monica, but he’s really put out by just daily tasks that have to be done.
So how do you address birth order in your family? Particularly because you’ve got that six year gap. I mean, how do you make sure that, that youngest one you’re keeping the expectations similar for him that you have for your older three?
Monica Swanson: [00:17:31] Oh, trust me. This is a work in progress. I always say my, my youngest son, you know, the first three just were such a joy and, and are still, um, you know, we’ve been through it all, of course, like every family, but, um, then that fourth one came along and I say, he keeps me humble because certainly, um, There’s there’s been new challenges.
And I do believe a lot of it is the birth order is just that everybody has done everything for him. And so it’s easy for him to sit down and say, Hey, could you get me a glass of water? And everyone jumps up and does it, and I’m like, wait a minute. You’re 10 now. Yeah, you could get up. Get yourself water. And while you’re they’re getting me some too. So it’s, I’m, I’m really working on this one right now. I think this quarantine period has kind of brought some things to the surface that need to be addressed. And so it’s a work in progress, but again, intentionality, you have to catch it because I’m so thankful for how my older boys have grown up.
And I’m like, I don’t want to blow it with this one and do the work.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:18:25] And I think even the older ones setting that modeling, that example helps. I, I will say some of the unspoken messages that my older sons show my youngest son. Have been really powerful in terms it’s not me, the one who’s in there nagging and doing the thing.
It’s the brothers saying, no, this is how we do, this is how we do. So I think that can be really helpful. Now you have identified something that I just love because, um, I love it, but I don’t because it’s so true and I feel so convicted and that is mom anger, lecture habits. I just, I thought we got it. We got to chat about this Monica because.
Ain’t no speech like a mama mad speech and I’m so good at it. So tell me why I need to stop this business and really check myself on the mom anger lecture habit.
Monica Swanson: [00:19:14] Oh, it’s, it’s brutal. And it’s one of those things. It’s the most awkward thing to talk about because it’s just so ugly and we all know it and yeah, but most of us are, it’s one of those things that moms are just given that gift.
And it feels so good. I think, I think we need to, again, step back, zoom out and say, what good is this doing boys typically, you know, 30 seconds into a lecture and they may be looking in your eyes, but they have moved far, far away. They are not there. None of it’s doing any good. So I think for me, it’s just continuing to remind myself shorter is better, less words.
Make a point, give them a consequence. I, you know, half the time I think I’m lecturing it’s because I don’t want to do the hard work of give them, giving them a consequence and hold their feet to the fire him. And so it’s easier. It feels better to just vent. Um, but yeah, I think the more we learn to keep the words few, and to give a good Swift consequence, the better they’re going to learn, and we’re going to feel better about it later, too.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:20:13] Right. And hold their attention longer. Instead of, instead of them zoning out during the lecture. You know, one thing that I am really finding powerful as I look at my own mothering of my sons, and this is very much on the radar for me, because my son got married. My first one to get married, got married March 1st, right before all of the pandemic stuff started.
And, and so one of the things that really strikes me is that the women we are as moms, so influences. The kinds of women they’re looking for either in real reaction to us, I’m going 180 degrees from that, or in an empowered way. Or that place of really making sure that we’ve equipped them to truly launch and to be confident enough in our own mother, son relationship, that we don’t slide into something where we’re, and by the romantic lead in their life, how are you beginning to navigate those waters as your boys are growing up and entering those ages and stages of dating and looking for their life partners.
Monica Swanson: [00:21:17] Right. Well, I think you could probably teach me a few things since you’re that step ahead in that those things. Um, you know, I, growing up here out in the country, homeschooling all my boys, none of my boys dated in high school, they just kind of didn’t see their use of it. They didn’t see the need. They’ve been busy being surfers and students and doing, you know, youth ministry and music.
That’s right. So many things going on and I’ve been a bit relieved that we haven’t really. Face that during the high school years. But yeah, my son who’s in college, he’ll be a junior in college next year. That’s something that has been a part of his college time. And him being home has been special because we get to have a lot of long conversations.
And again, my answer to so many things is just talk about things. I’m just a big believer in talking, bringing him up, getting comfortable, making sure they know that door is open to talk and then pointing them to good role models. Pointing them to people who have gone before them, who I think has set a great example.
And so oftentimes something comes up and as much as I want to teach him or tell him, say, Hey, call so, and so, you know, talk to your dad, talk to this guy. Cause I know there’s so many things and out there who are just a gift. So I’m big believer in pointing them to great influences and role models. And. I and the Bible and just helping them begin to really figure that out on their own without mom interfering too much.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:22:33] Right. Something to say, I usually have a few words bad. Right. And you know, Monica I’ve said that we can’t, we can know a lot about our kids, but one thing that we can’t know until we begin to experience it with them is what connects with them romantically in a romantic partner and to really be willing to pay attention to what they’re showing you, instead of throwing up all the objections or all the fears, or are you behaving yourself or are you navigating temptation, but to really pay attention, who is the person they’re drawn to?
And what does that show me about them? What is that helped me learn about them and how do I honor. That, because this is one of those hiccups. I see moms struggling when their kids launched to go to college, but I also see them struggling when their kids enter romantic relationships. So it is an important time to really stop and listen.
Now, how are you navigating? Because I have this dynamic where I’ve got the five girls in my house who definitely are adding to the conversation, but how are you navigating conversations surrounding the me too movement? Because it is so important to hear women’s voices and to realize the damage that’s been done and the things that need to change.
How are you navigating at your house where you’re the primary voice? You’re the primary female because my boys, certainly there are certain things I can say, but I will say there’s sisters weighing in on some of this has been real helpful. So how are you, how are you handling that’s solo responsibility at your house.
Monica Swanson: [00:23:56] I think for me, a lot of it is just, I, I’m just such a believer that kids are kind of model after what they see at home more than anything else. I mean, we can hope for some great influences and hope that they’re going to learn and study and make good choices. But I think that just myself looking at my relationship with my husband, looking at my work and just asking is what I’m showing them a good example.
And you know, like I said, I’m, I’m all for strong women. I. I love to have a voice and my husband’s super respectful and gives me a voice nice. And at the same time, I’m somewhat traditional in my outlook on roles. I think God created man and woman equally, but with different roles. And so, um, I’m trying to show my boys what it looks like to, you know, to point to my husband, even who’s doing an awesome job of being a leader who’s strong, but also sensitive. Who’s thoughtful who speaks so respectfully about all people, men and women. And I just feel like, you know, what, if we’re doing our best to just navigate life, they’re watching, they’re taking notes, we’re pointing them to good people.
And it just seems to be so far working out. We have conversations about it, but it hasn’t been a huge focus cause it just hasn’t seemed necessary. I don’t imagine any of my, um, would ever think to treat a woman poorly. I mean, they just, they they’ve grown up with such great examples of people who treat women well and honor them and esteem them.
They read books by great women. They have instructors who are women. So I just feel like it’s been a real natural, organic process of just showing them what it looks like and having conversations when we need to.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:25:28] Right now you’re an athletic family with all the surfing and everything else going on. I will tell you that my boys making them get out, run around.
It’s good for my girls too. Don’t get me wrong. We, we really do try to model well, although I will tell you that, um, the months of being in the pandemic were not exactly the best modeling. Could have done, uh, you get to see me model some really powerful Netflix binging. There’s really a lot of what they saw, but, but I think that I’ve noticed that I’m I’m again, this is one of those things.
I was better at it with my older kids and I’m having to really check myself and be intentional to grab onto your word again, with these youngers, the, the need for physical activity. And I’m not saying it’s only the provenance of boys, but man, does it feel like. Our guys really need to get out there. And yet we have a generation of kids that that’s getting trickier and trickier because all of the distraction of all of the tech and the fun things they can be on.
And I am, I am critical. And even bringing this up right now, cause I’ve got one that I’ve got to really start weaning off of some of the screen time. So how have you made physical activity and outings? Obviously you live in a beautiful part of the world, but how have you made that a priority in your family lifestyle and what benefit do you think that it’s had in the raising of boys?
Monica Swanson: [00:26:47] Sure. Well, you’re probably like me where you can look back and see, you know, when my first three sons were young, technology was not what it is today. So I feel like, I had that experience of, of raising boys with a very natural curiosity. We spent a lot of time outside, just, they would just find bugs and for hours steady, you know, our backyard, um, And then I had my fourth son later, when I say technology was completely a different thing.
You know, I was in the hospital taking pictures of him from my smartphone, posting it to social media. That wasn’t even an option with the first three. I seem two different worlds. Absolutely. Technology is a huge topic. I am grateful talking about, you know, roles, um, in families that my husband is pretty firm about, uh, getting kids off of screens.
We all use them. We all appreciate them, but. There’s just not an option in this family. So video games aren’t happening. I mean, I think we have an old used. Box. I don’t know what it is. An XBox, some kind of a box. It comes out maybe twice a year. I mean, he has no tolerance. And so my kids are really grown up being pushed outside, being told to find something to do, use their curiosity, use their imagination.
Um, and my husband will argue, cause I do have people that say, Oh, easy for you to say you live in Hawaii. And my husband’s like, listen, I grew up in Oregon. I was, he was a birdwatcher like elementary school he would bundle up and go out and watch birds before school in the morning. So he will say, it’s not about where we live.
It’s about intentionality. And so, yeah, my boys have all been in the water. Oh my goodness. Hours a day. And I think the youngest, it just follows along with the older. So that’s been a blessing, but we’ve just kind of made it, not an option where like, it’s not like, Oh, you get to choose between your screen and being outside.
It’s you’re going to be outside. If you’re inside, we’re going to limit the screen time. We’re going to read books. We’re going to do art. We’re going to play music. But, uh, we’re pretty, we’re pretty cautious on that one.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:28:41] Right? I think that you’re so right in that I can slide so easily into it. And particularly as a mom who works in offices, primarily from home, for the most part, I do have a couple days out, but it’s really easy.
And I’m sure a lot of people have struggled with all the events of this past this past spring, trying to create workspace in their life and keep the kids occupied. And I think all of us are going to have to have a bit of a reset on just how much screens have played apart, even though they’ve held. I mean, in some ways they’ve really helped, right?
I mean, just keep us all a little bit sane over the last few months, but,
Monica Swanson: [00:29:14] and I do want to add, because I probably sound like, Oh, we’re doing it perfect. It is. I mean, even a phone, my, my youngest son, it is a battle daily. There is, there is absolutely that magnetic draw to just mom’s phone. You know, he has like a safe video game on my phone, so it is not easy by any stretch. Um, but I do believe that parents sometimes feel like they don’t have the power to say no, that they can’t. And especially if they’ve already gone so far, it’s hard to back pedal. Right. I really encourage parents. If you start to see signs that like, Oh, your kid’s in too deep. I I’ve used the term over and over, you know, we’re under new management.
We’re just going to put a sign on the doors, you know what, same house, same parents, but we’ve realized there’s a few things we probably shouldn’t have done. So we’re just going to backpedal a little, it’s going to be painful. You’re going to be mad. You’re not going to like it, but you know, we’re going to really back off on these screens or on whatever it might be, because we care enough about you to say there’s a better future for you.
And I just don’t see this getting you there. And so, um, yeah, there’s a time for it. I mean, certainly, especially quarantine, there’s a time for screens. They’re not all evil, but I. I think that, um, it’s good to set some boundaries for sure. Sure.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:30:24] Right. Well, Monica, I can’t thank you enough for being on today.
Thank you for joining me from that beautiful Island of yours at onward and upward girl. Keep up the good work.
Monica Swanson: [00:30:34] Thank you so much. It’s been a joy.
Julie Lyles Carr: [00:30:36] Be sure. And check out the show notes that our content coordinator, Rebecca puts together each and every week of big shout out to Donna. She is our producer and helps make sure that the audio quality and all the things of the way they need to be so that you can get the episodes.
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