When COVID-19 Comfort Levels Cause Relationship Strain

I have read dozens of articles focusing around relationship stress during this pandemic. One of the top causes of marital tension right now is when spouses do not agree on how the other is responding to the threat of the virus. One spouse feels great being out and about, being around various groups of people and not taking all the recommended precautions. The other is perhaps supportive of following the guidance of things like social distancing and wearing a mask. You can see why this could quickly cause marital strain.

My husband and I see eye to eye around the topic which has minimized stress within our marriage. However, one thing that has been surprising is the questioning or pushback I have received from other relationships in my life. I have friends and family on every end of the “COVID-19 comfort spectrum”. Some being adamant about the social distancing and mask wearing while others seem to think the entire thing is a conspiracy.

I fall somewhere in-between. I have been really intentional of accepting both ends of the spectrum because in this environment you simply have to do what is best for yourself and your family.

I have received zero judgment, at least to my face, from those I know who are perhaps more conservative than I am. When I put my kids in summer camp or get a manicure, I have not once received even a blink from them despite knowing they are still entirely uncomfortable with the idea of those things.

Instead, it seems to come more from those I know who are perhaps not quite as cautious when it comes to the threat of COVID-19. Those who perhaps are a bit more comfortable with traveling, restaurant dining and mall shopping than I am. I have been challenged “why will you do this and not that?”

But here is the thing.

I can do some of the things. I cannot do all of the things. I go on site four days and telecommute one day. That means my kids are also in full day summer camp. Those two things alone are out of many people’s comfort zones. Most of my friends and family are still telecommuting with kids at home. My every day is different than many and it is a bit emotionally exhausting.

I have been surprised and hurt when I am challenged by my decisions. Why I will go on a weekend trip here and not there. Why I am more comfortable hanging out with this person versus that person. It has everything to do with the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic. I can do some of the things like send my kids to camp or go away for a weekend knowing I can keep my family pretty isolated. I can hang more comfortably with people I know are being cautious and are staying pretty quarantined. But I shouldn’t be embarrassed that I cannot do more things like go somewhere unsure of whether or not there will be crowds or put us in a situation where I then get anxious.

These times are crazy and it doesn’t seem to be letting up. It seems like a no brainer to just accept where people are at, regardless of what end of the COVID-19 spectrum they are at and where you think they should be at. In this environment, adding relationship strain seems completely unnecessary. Easier said than done for those living with someone with different views. That’s probably why there are so many pod casts and articles on this topic. It’s a real issue right now and I hope those living daily with the strain are utilizing resources to help continue getting through it.

Moms, no matter where you are right now, let’s remember to lift each other up, not bring each other down. I think we can all agree we have enough on our plates as it is without adding additional strain.