What does it take to stir you up? One newscast. A day with double-booked work/school Zoom meetings. Those moments where you miss things that “used to be” with a deep heart longing into tears and then there’s nowhere to cry because we are all still here on top of each other at home.
“Are you OK Mom?” I’m ok. Just not great. You know?
I was reading Psalm 4… It says: “In your anger do not sin.” What kind of sin? I thought about those stirred up times. Angry and worried thoughts that play over and over. Is that the sin you are talking about, Lord? Is it when I eat my frustration in kettle chips? Is it when I hate not knowing what’s next?
Mostly I’m functional, but I reach a toxic load where it spills out in irritation at the person shopping so slowly at the grocery store… or in an edgy tone with my husband… or in losing my patience with Zoe and seeing her eyes so big and shocked at my intensity.
I know God gets that I’m messy. But he’s gracious and he wants a more peaceful life for me. He says. “Search your hearts and be silent.” There’s gonna be mess on the outside, but there doesn’t have to be so much mess on the inside.
I think of Jesus in the boat with His guys. (Mark 4:35-41) They were freaking out from the storm and he asked them, “Where is your faith?” Then he told the waters, “Peace. Be still.” He speaks the same over us.
Lord, calm the waters of my heart. Let my thoughts lie smooth upon you. And in that calm. Gratitude.
Thank you for the storms you’ve delivered me from. Thank you not just for being delivered, but also thank you for the storm, because without it I’d never have that moment where I am spent and back in your arms. Finally at rest. Feeling your love and your purpose for me in every cell and every circumstance.
The peace that comes in the storm is ours when we remember who he is. Do you think you could have slept in the boat? During the storm? What kind of sleep would that be? Maybe the kind that we read about at the end of Psalm 4 where it says, “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone O Lord make me dwell in safety.”
He sees you. He hears you. I like at the beginning of Psalm 4 where it says, “Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress…”
O My Righteous God. OMRG. It’s become my short cut for calling out to him and for remembering who calms the storm and who calms me.
Psalm 4:6-7 “Let the light of your face shine upon us O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy.”
By Sam Kelly
When Sam married my husband Carlos, she also married three older boys. Then they had our daughter Zoe, a beautiful smart little girl with Down Syndrome, and now she looks at life through a series of appointments, tasks undone, and toilet paper on the counter instead of on the holder. She frequently feels sloppy, breathless… and amazed at how much she loves her life. It’s imperfect, and it’s joyful in the middle of the mess. Find more from Sam on SPIRIT 105.3
