Teachers are awesome. I couldn’t do their job for a single hour, much less face the countless time they put in teaching, grading, planning and loving our kids.
Having said that, they are human and being human means that things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes personalities clash and when that happens between a teacher and a pupil it can mean a really tough school year.
As a mom, it’s hard to know what to do when this happens. I never wanted to be one of those moms who automatically side with their child, but I also wanted my kids to know that I had their back when there was a problem.
There were a few years in my son’s life when the teacher match-up wasn’t ideal. My son was intelligent, precocious and had ADD, a killer combo in the schoolroom and in life. The teachers who took the time to get to know him, loved him. But, those who just looked at the outer, distracted boy could not hide their dislike of him. My son was smart enough to feel their animosity and it hurt. He had some rough years that are painful for him to remember even today.
Because a young friend is going through the same problem this year, I thought I’d share what I learned from those less-than-ideal years.
- Don’t automatically side with your child. Always assuming your child is innocent is a recipe for disaster. Instead, listen to the teacher’s side with an open mind and gather all the facts before you come up with a plan.
- Go to the teacher first. This goes along with the above tip, but before you go above a teacher’s head, give him/her a chance to repair the situation. Maybe there is a simple misunderstanding that is easily remedied. Also, make sure the teacher knows any background information that would help them connect with your child.
- Give the teacher time. After speaking with the teacher, give them a chance to make the changes you both came up with. Just knowing a child is suffering is enough for most educators to make adjustments so a child feels safe.
- Learning opportunity. Ask yourself if this situation is meant to challenge your child to learn some new skills. It might offer lessons on getting along with others and teach him/her about having respect for people in authority. After all, they will have to deal with difficult people for the rest of their lives.
- Has nothing changed? Then, it’s time to talk to the principal. Calmly lay out what your child has reported and what you have observed (this is not a time for theatrics or name-calling). Report on what you’ve tried. Keep a paper trail of every conversation and meeting you have had, not to browbeat anyone but to show progress or lack thereof. School officials have to deal with so many whining parents, so make sure that you are clear and concise and have all your points ready to make in a non-combative way.
Okay, so what do you do when none of the above has worked and your child is still miserable? That’s the time for further action.
- Switch. If possible, switch your child to another classroom. Schools tend to frown on this and you may have to be firm. You know your child and if they’re suffering from new behavior issues, stomachaches and/or insomnia, they really need to be removed from the situation. Do not accept no for an answer.
- Homeschool. This may sound extreme, but homeschooling doesn’t have to mean forever. There were years I had to pull a child out of school and homeschool (giving up cushy work hours and going back to night shifts) just to avoid a badly-matched teaching situation. The following year they could return to school and begin again with a clean slate.
- Be visible and present. When neither of the above are viable and your child has to stay in the situation, make sure that the teacher knows you are plugged in. My son had a teacher who would pray awful prayers out loud about how God should “fix” my son. There were no other classes to switch to, I couldn’t homeschool that year and I had already spoken to the powers that be. So, I began standing outside the classroom every single day when class got out with my sternest Mama Bear face on. The awful “prayers” stopped immediately. It was still a nightmare year that he has never forgotten, but he always knew that Mom was with him in the trenches.
- What does the Bible say? If your child is stuck in a tough situation, talk about how God is with him/her in the difficult times. Have conversations about what answered prayers can look like. Sometimes, we are still in a situation that causes us stress, but we learn and grow in ways we never would have if our paths were smooth.
Again, this is not a teacher-bashing situation. Teachers are amazing and contribute so much to the success of our children. But, sometimes personalities just do not get on well and moms are the ones who have to battle for their child’s well-being. I hope the above tips are helpful if you are dealing with this kind of issue.
Read more of Ann’s contributions to allmomdoes here.
