You have bad days. Frankly, we all do.
And it’s not just because you’re a mom. It’s because you’re a human.
We were created with a beautiful range of emotions and sometimes those emotions just feel overwhelming. They build and build until they overflow – often in ways we’re not proud of later.
We usually feel them and try to push through the frustration, swallowing our feelings for the sake of the family. And that’s noble. We also try techniques to turn the day around. And that’s wise.
But sometimes, it just doesn’t work the way we want it to. We try everything, but the irritability remains. And you know what?
It’s okay. Moms are allowed to be grumpy.
But there’s a right way to handle it, and a wrong way.
The wrong way is the one where you pretend like everything’s fine. Until you can’t, and then you lose it. So what’s a mom to do?
Warn your family. Well, not really. You should just tell them.
Tell them calmly and matter-of-factly. No need for details, just a brief explanation. “Mommy is feeling really frustrated today. It’s not because of anything you’ve done. Sometimes it just happens and I’ve tried really hard to make it go away but today it’s just sticking around. I just want to tell you because I think it’s important to talk about all of our feelings. It’s not your job to make mommy happy, but let’s both try to help keep our house peaceful today.”
When I do this I feel like it releases that anger vent a little. Instead of silently fuming and then getting even more frustrated that nobody seems to notice or care, making my feelings known (in a healthy way) keeps them from building.
It also helps my family stay out of my way (for lack of a better term). The kids know not to push my buttons, my husband might take over for the evening, and I can retreat to my bedroom and watch a few shows without feeling guilty. So not only do I avoid exploding, but I also get time for self-care to truly recover.
It’s okay to be grumpy. It’s okay to not pretend like everything’s fine. It’s okay to ask for what you need. It’s okay to take some parenting shortcuts or set your kids in front of the TV for a few hours because that’s what’s going to get you through the day.
But it’s not okay to take that grumpiness out on your family.
Mom, let’s stop being martyrs and start being human. When we do that, we not only get what we need to get through those difficult moments, but we model healthy emotional expression for our kids.
And that turns what had the potential to be a parenting fail into a parenting win.
