GMA Dove award winning artist Jordan Feliz joins Julie Lyles Carr for a powerful conversation about the importance of vulnerability and how the past year has been teaching all of us that our illusions of control are not what we should be leaning on for our peace and our joy.
Listen to “#186 – The Importance of Vulnerability with Jordan Feliz” on Spreaker.
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Transcription:
Julie Lyles Carr: You’re listening to the allmomdoes podcast where you’ll find encouragement, information, and inspiration for the life you’re living, the kids you’re raising, the romance you’re loving, and the faith you’re growing. I’m your host, Julie Lyles Carr. Let’s jump into this week’s episode.
Today on the podcast, you get to meet with favorite people who has navigated all kinds of technological challenge to be with us today. Jordan Feliz, beloved song writer, composer, all around great guy. He is with me today from the middle of nowhere. And we’ve had all kinds of fun trying to get connected. Jordan, thanks so much for being with us.
Jordan Feliz: Oh my goodness. Thanks for having me. Um, I’m so excited that we get to have this conversation and yeah, I really do feel like it’s so funny because every time that you need to like. Yeah, something important, you know, it’s like you have an important call or a podcast or a like some interview or something… it’s like, You wake up and there’s just no internet, there’s no cell service, but I’m just so excited and I feel like that’s just pointing to the fact that we’re going to have an awesome conversation. So it’s going to be great.
Julie Lyles Carr: I agree. I, I think I’m learning. I’m going to be a grownup one of these days, Jordan, it’s actually going to happen, but I think I’m learning, as I progress my way toward being a grownup that, uh, sometimes the best conversations, the best outcomes, they just take a little more investment in patience. And so you have certainly done that for me today. Thanks so much. Jordan, I’ve had the privilege of being with you backstage at a show or two, and getting to see that you are absolutely the same guy behind the scenes as you are in front of the crowd and that is a beautiful thing to behold. You’re so gracious. You’re so humble. And I think that that really comes out in a lot of your music. I just really salute you for being such a stand-up guy. Tell me about when you began the process of realizing that music was going to be your avenue. Music was going to be the thing that that was going to be the medium by which you told the stories that you wanted to change the world.
Jordan Feliz: Yeah. Well, first of all, thank you so much for saying that that was so sweet. I have a team of people around me that I think I have to just throw a nod at cause they they’re always the ones that are there. They’re like my bowling bumpers, you know what I mean? They’re just always keeping me on the, on the road and I, you know, um, I just appreciate you saying it cause it means a ton. But you know, the first thing that really hit me, it was kind of a crazy story, but my dad, I had just left a worship thing.
I was 15 years old and my, my church had this like little worship event in a park. And, uh, I led worship and I felt like my dad and I were talking about, you know, You know how fun it was and how exciting it was. And, and, you know, my dad was just like, Hey, you know, I, I just really feel like you could, you could do something, you know, like you should, you should really pursue this. And it sounds so weird, but I’m not kidding you, were driving down and, uh, uh, uh, we call them a freeway in California, but in the interstate and it’s called the I-68 and I looked outside my dad’s car, his window and I was just driving by it’s so vivid, but I was looking at these pine trees and I just felt Holy Spirit, like just rush over me.
And it was just like, this is what I have for you. And so I just, from that day forward, I really always kind of felt disliked came like, that’s what I’m supposed to do. Uh, it’s kind of driven my life ever since I was 15 years old, of just like feeling really called to this, you know? And, um, I know some people have feel that calling too, and they, they, you know, you can end up in so many different avenues, whether it’s, you know, you’re performing, you know, You know, at festivals or arenas or, you know, theaters or whatever, but you can also be just like, Hey, I’m not, I’m a worship leader, you know? And so I was kinda open-handed and just feeling like whatever, you know, God led me into, um, but it just ended up that I ended up here, which has been a huge blessing. It’s been super, super grateful for it.
Julie Lyles Carr: No, that’s amazing. And you know, Jordan, I’m a parent, you’re a parent, the courage that it must have taken your dad to encourage you to do something that’s a little more off-road. I think sometimes as parents, we want our kids outcomes to be assured. We want to think that, you know, oh, you know, yes, you could do that thing, the big dream, whatever, but, but wouldn’t it be better maybe to go with something that’s a little more stable or has a little more security. Now that you’re a dad.
How do you reflect back on that conversation with your own father?
Jordan Feliz: I, I honestly just respect my dad even more honestly, just because I think he, um, you know, and my mom too, my, my parents both, I mean, they both had that same thing. I mean, you know, when it came down to brass tacks, like my senior year, they were both very concerned that I was, you know, pursuing,
I was in a band and, you know, it was definitely not what I think my dad had envisioned whenever I was 15, you know, but I, I, I just respect that, you know, even through the years that I was in a metal band for five years and, you know, like did that. And even through that, my parents, like through prayer literally got a lot of confirmations, just, um, and saying like that this is where they felt like, you know, God was telling them that I needed to be.
And so for me as a parent, I just really want to be open-handed into the fact that like my daughter and my son they’re the Lord’s before they’re mine. And I really want to be able to, to lead them in prayer. I want to be able to lead myself and my family in prayer, uh, enough to have the sensitive enough ear to really hear what God is calling me to speak over them and to, to speak into them.
And if, if they want to do something, you know, I always say like, if my son wants to open an ice cream shop and open an ice cream shop, if that’s what the Lord is leading you to. And if, if we all feel like that’s confirmed. But also if he wants to be a doctor, then go be a doctor too. You know, it’s really just whatever I feel like the Lord and that’s the way I’ve kind of taken it as a, as a father is just trying to emulate that same, uh, diligence of just listening to what, uh, holy spirit is calling my kids into.
Julie Lyles Carr: Love that. And you know, something I’ve been trying to inculcate a little bit more into my own conversations with my kids is I, for some reason, hit a place when I looked at decisions, it was more like a pass fail. You made the right choice or you heard God correctly, or you didn’t. And now reflecting back on my own life, I can see places, yeah, there was a step that I took that I thought was going to work out one way. It didn’t work out that way, but it was the step God needed me to take, to get to the next step. So I’ve been trying to work with my kids on this idea of you make one decision, and then you make another decision, and it’s not about you missed it, or it’s not about you messed up. It’s really more just trying to continue to follow that path. Have you found that to be true in your own journey? Just kind of one step to the next?
Jordan Feliz: Oh, a hundred percent.
Um, I think, you know, even looking back, you know, it was, I was thinking about this actually just a couple of days ago. Cause I was talking to some friends who. Because I was in like a really heavy band, you know, we were all believers, but I somehow made a bunch of friends with a bunch of dudes that were like in bands that we like idolized at that time, you know, just were so, you know, in them. And enamored with, and I was talking to a couple of my buddies the other day and I was just like, man, like, I’m actually so grateful for that season of life because I toured for five years in a van. It, it, it was one of those things that I think, you know, when our band broke up, I was like, man, why did we, why did I even do that? But now me looking back on that season, it taught me so much and it built so much character for me for the season I’m in now, you know? And, and the amount of respect that I have for, like a tour bus or, you know, for like a band or, you know, a front of house guy or a monitor guy or a lighting director, you know what I mean?
You just have so much more gratitude that’s just woven and you over like your past. You know, I think that that’s one thing that God does. It’s like, I, I completely agree with what you’re saying. So I’ve also had friends that have taken it almost kind of like in an anger way to where it’s almost like I’m so angry that God had to pull me through this and I’m like, man, If you could just zoom out of your own microscopic perspective for a second and actually take a look at the big picture of the fact that yeah, something happened and it was not the best situation, but think about all the steps that you took after that, that have led you to where you are. What a beautiful journey it’s been. You know, I’m not proud or, you know, stoked about every single step I’ve ever taken in my life, but, also, I’m so grateful to where I’ve been, you know, and also what I, what the testimony that God has pulled me through and the things that he’s taught me and downloaded for me, you know. It was just huge. And so, um, I can’t agree with that more. I, I literally think that that’s exactly how it is for me. And I, I challenge people to, you know, To make sure that that’s their perspective a lot of throughout their life, you know? Cause that’s one of the, the beauties about the cross and about the grace of Jesus, you know? And the grace of God, you know, is, is that we can, um, take steps and if they’re wrong, you know that God’s going to make it beautiful some, some way or another.
Julie Lyles Carr: Absolutely. You know, I feel like the pandemic has been a period of time in which many of us have had to realize that sometimes we don’t get a lot of control over the decisions, if you will, that are going to be happening. And you’re now heading back on the road. I’ve known people who have been so anxious to get back to what they call normal. And yet, man, for me and my house, Jordan, we learned so much through the process of not always having the ability to go and do exactly what we wanted to do and to drive plans the way that we wanted to drive them. And there are a lot of things that I think we’re going to change going forward. And it does give me pause with people of faith, where I want to say, whoa, friends, before we head and run him back into the wild, doing all the stuff we were doing before, are we really cultivating and really applying the things that we should have been learning? For you, you were off the road for quite a period of time, and you were having to do shows in a very different way than you were used to doing them, what are some things in life was going great before that? Right? I mean, career was going big and you were getting awards and you were doing all these things and then everything comes to kind of a full stop. How did you manage your emotions during that time? And what have you decided that you want to carry forward just as to what you were saying right before you know, that we’re not stoked about everything that happens in our lives, but how are you going to apply it? And where do you think it’s brought you to now?
Jordan Feliz: Yeah, this is something I feel really passionate about right now. Well, first of all, I couldn’t agree more that COVID brought, it brought a lot of healing to my house. You know, I know a lot of people can’t say the same thing. But it, it brought so much clarity and healing into my home. And, you know, I’d spent the latter half of four years just going. You know, it was like the first single I put out, you know, blew up and then it just was like, I was going 150 miles per hour for four years. And I think it really took a toll on like my family and on my, on me, on my mental health. Um, just because I really started viewing, um, my career and, you know, the views that people saw them, the light that people saw me and all of these things, they were so important that I call it my ladder, but like the structure of my priorities in life. But my ladder was just jacked up. Wound up. And so when COVID hit, it was like everything. It was a forced stop and there was nothing we could do. There was zero control we had, you know, and, you know, for the first couple months I was so stressed out. I’m like, oh my gosh, you know, my business is going to go under, you know, my family, my house, everything we’re going to lose, you know, all the, you know, everything and all this.
And it was just so crazy cause I started having a couple of discussions with some of my band guys who are also, you know, in a whole different position and just fearful and you know, what are we going to do? And, but through it, I feel like the Lord just kind of fell over every situation. He fell over me, fell over my wife, my children, and man, in a matter of like, I’m not even kidding, you felt like it was like two days, my entire ladder had just been completely restructured. And all of a sudden he was back at the top and I had my wife and then I had my children, and then I had my career. And it was like, I felt like I could breathe again. It was like, my anxiety was gone. Like all of these things are just gone. I felt like this season, really what I really want to pull into the way that I live out the rest of my life, because that’s really how I feel, is just remembering that we have got to focus on our main priority. Because when we do, when we focus on God, and what he’s calling us into, when we are being fueled by the word of God, and we’re being driven by the discernment that God has given us, and by what holy spirit is calling us into or pulling us out of or whatever it is, and we’re on that path, then the ladder never changes. Mainly because we are following by a set of biblical principles that have never failed. And that is literally perfect. And so I think that that’s one of the things that I just really, really want to continue to drive home for the, for the remainder of the life that I live here on earth is just the fact that as long as I’m keeping him at the forefront at that number one place, everything else will fall in line and it will all be honored. And that was one of the beautiful things in the season, or so craziest season where things are, you know, I don’t have shows. I don’t have, you know, I just have, my job has gone, you know, somehow you were just miraculously blessed. And it wasn’t even just like through finances, but just you know, people coming out of the woodworks and being like, Hey, would you guys want to come and stay at our house?
You know, and this, and on the beach? Hey, would you want to go do this trip? You know, we have, we have this place that we don’t use and we give it to you for two weeks for free, you know, just to go calibrate. Just absolute beauty of like people being generous to us, you know? That fueled more generosity from us. I mean, places where we were giving to people, giving to friends, giving the family that money, we didn’t even, we didn’t have, but, you know, we just felt like God was like, no, test me in this. You know, it’s a one spot in the Bible where God truly asked us to test him. Right. You know, it’s like it in Malachai and he asked us to do it. And we watched God show up. It’s taught me so much about how much I can trust God is really what it comes down to and how much the, whenever I truly give everything to him, keep him at the forefront of every decision, everything that I do, it’s all going to be great.
Julie Lyles Carr: Right. Right. And you know, the willingness to look at blessings in a season
in a fresh way, because sometimes I think that we only consider blessings to be the things that he answers in the way that we thought we wanted things to go. You know, the free beach house trip… well, that wasn’t anything you were looking for, but to really embrace that as a blessing, the extra time with family. And again, I’m with you, I’ve known people that COVID has not been, perhaps as kind in a way is maybe some of the things that we’ve experienced or we’ve gotten to see, but that willingness to carry those lessons forward, I don’t, I don’t want this time to have been for nothing. And of course we know it’s not for nothing in God’s economy, but I want to be a good investigator of what this time has meant.
How has all this informing your songwriting? I can remember for some reason, for a long time, Jordan, I didn’t distinguish well between anthems of faith and songs that were truly praising God. That didn’t have anything to do with me. It didn’t have anything to do with the blessings he was giving me, or the conditions of my life, but were truly just praising him. And that was a really big change. Even from the way I thought about my own personal praise and worship time, the kind of songs I was listening to just to remind myself, there are differences in songs. There are differences in intention in songs. How do you think that the lessons of this season are going to change your songwriting?
Jordan Feliz: I think that it’s just mainly just going to shift the clarity on the placement, in the power of song. I mean, really speaking to what you just said, even too, it’s it’s I think we can spend a lot of time, like, you know, people have a really hard time being vulnerable. You know, um, and if COVID has taught me nearly almost anything, it’s truly how to be vulnerable and how to really just say, I don’t know what I’m doing here, take it. You know? That vulnerability and transparency, you know, and I, I, so I put out a record during COVID and, you know, We, that’s what we did. It was like a record that we’ve been writing. And then we wrapped the record during COVID. You know, and it was like, man, if I’m learning anything, it’s, it’s that vulnerability and transparency within the church is so limited. There’s not a whole lot of people that you see, you know, you don’t see it, you know, the pastor go, you know how many men here have a porn addiction? Okay. And everybody’s raising their hand, right? Or how many women as, you know, have a shopping addiction or how many, how many people have, you know, financial trouble? How many people are, you know, you don’t see people just, oh, me, me, me, me, me, me, praise God. I mean like, people want this perception of themselves so look like, oh man, I have it together. You know? We, you know, our finances, we have zero debt and our kids act like little munchkins. And they’re just perfect though that, you know, it’s like, no, man, like that’s not real life, dude. You know? And that’s one of the things that I, my wife feels really called to. I thoroughly feel called too.
And it’s like Instagram. Have to have it now. Just no patience, no nothing. You know, it’s like we should really call it. And that’s why I put the record out that I put out. And that’s why I think it’s going to really infiltrate the writing process of the next record in any music I’ve put out is really just people don’t resonate with my life is good all the time. It’s not relatable, man. Like God is good all the time. I can agree with that statement and I can agree that in God’s kingdom, Things are good all the time, but maybe here on earth things aren’t good all the time. So when you say God is good all the time, some people that’s kind of harsh because it’s like, well, is it good that is it great that my, my, my dad died or that my, my sister passed away or, you know, whatever. Or is it great that my, you know, my best friend is a meth addict or, you know, it’s like, well, yeah, we, we have a lot of free will. There’s a lot of stuff that we do here. And we live in this sinful imperfect place, you know. But I think just reminding people of like the truths and the things that are real, and real to just people and humans and this imperfect place and reminding them of who God is for them.
And also the power of our testimony. Um, the power of, you know, what God has done for us and how he can do that. No matter who you are, what’s your name is, you know, what your income bracket is, what addictions you have, what, you know, anything… like God is he’s God, he’s big enough to tackle all of it. Um, we just have to invite him into that process. And, um, I think for me, it’s shifted everything, because it makes me want to write songs. Like I’m writing them for somebody who really desires the presence of God. You know, it’s not just the, oh, this song is so cool. You know what I mean? It’s like, That’s great. And I want to write those too, but I want, but I still want to have that, that vulnerability and transparency with people, so they’re like, man, I, I feel that, you know.
Julie Lyles Carr: I really do hope that’s something that we learn carrying forward because you’re right. I mean, The pandemic, put us all in a position. I remember telling my kids at one point when they were frustrated with something and I was frustrated with something and I just said, Hey gang, let’s pause. God’s grace in those parenting moments, I’ve got plenty of parenting moments that have not gone this smoothly, but I said, Let’s all remember this is my first pandemic too. I haven’t done this either. You know, there was really no one to look to as to how we’re supposed to do this thing because nobody had done it before.
And I do think the beauty of being willing to be vulnerable in that way is so incredibly important and powerful. You know, one of the things I think we do struggle with is knowing how to handle it when people are vulnerable. You know, we, we give kind of pithy answers or we get a little scandalized or we don’t really know how to handle it. And I think that’s something that hopefully we can all learn as a community of faith is how to handle it when we do make that invitation for people to be vulnerable. And then to not be shocked when they are. Yeah. How do you handle it when you have somebody really be vulnerable with you and it’s not something you necessarily know how to handle, what is something that you do?
What is, give our, give our listeners an idea of how they can take a moment where somebody is really revealing something heavy on their heart, and not do a freak out, not do a judgment or not give a throw away, God works together, all the things that we typically say.
Jordan Feliz: Yeah. I would just remind them of the bracelets that they wore when they were children. And there was a bracelet that just had a WWJD on it. And I mean, if you’re not old enough to remember, it just meant what would Jesus do? That’s what I always do. If I have a heavy conversation and somebody saying, oh man, I’ve been trapped by gambling there. You know, I’ve been, you know, this, or I’ve been having an affair I’ve been doing, you know, whatever, you know, me and my husband are working through this… or I just always think, man, like what would Jesus be doing? Like, you know what I mean, would he be washing their feet? You know, there are moments I feel like a lot of the time, you know, whenever I bring my problems, which are very petty, a lot of, a lot of times, but I always imagine him kind of smirking at me like, but like, this is not as big of a deal as you think it is.
Yeah. You know, when my three-year-old is so mad because you know, he was eating cashews and his sister came over and grabbed a cashew for the bed. And she didn’t ask him first. You know, just ruined his moment. You know? I think sometimes that’s how we look to God in a lot of ways is, you know, I just, it’s all I wanted was that new car and I didn’t get the bonus that I was thinking I would get and you know. Or I want this or, and it’s just like, the Lord is just like, I get it but why don’t, why don’t we just take a gander, maybe like the things that you do have. You know, let’s take it. Let’s be grateful for what we have. And, but I think really more than anything, when you have somebody coming to you that that’s broken, first of all, my initial thought, uh, outside of what God would be, what Jesus would be doing when somebody is coming to them, is man the respect I have for that. I have so much respect for somebody who can come up and be like, Hey, I’ve been, I’ve been drinking, you know, behind everybody’s back heavily for 10 years and I haven’t told anybody about it. And I don’t know what to do. You know, or, you know, I’ve been a closet pills addict for five years, and I don’t know why I’m telling you, but I am. You know, to me, I, my initial thought is Jesus, which is love, um, so love them, respect them, and then you have to honor them somehow. So honoring them can look like a lot of things, but really for me to honor somebody who’s got a problem, I wanna, I wanna feel to sow into them to say, Hey, let me figure out if there’s somebody here that can help. You know what I mean? Let me honor you doing that so that you, because the God we believe in is it’s bigger than your problem.
And, and he has created you as a champion, not as a loser and not as somebody who has to succumb to sin. Like he’s already beat that. The victory is yours. Now it’s, let’s go walk in it. The church has this thing, you know, and, um, I’ll share a testimony of, of not mine, but something there is, you know, whenever I was a kid, um, there was a, uh, a younger kid than me. I don’t even remember his name, but he got kicked out of our youth group because he got caught at a youth group function, looking at some sketchy websites at a, at a sleep overnight. And I remember that not even resonating well with me when I was 12 years old. And it breaks my heart even more now being, you know, 32 is that kid needed somebody to pour into his life. Not to pull God out of his life. Right? No, like that’s the exact opposite. But somehow that’s, that’s how we humanly can take control of the situation. You know what I mean? Uh, we can control this. You know what I mean? It’s like, uh, what, what, what thing makes you think we have the authority to, to pull somebody away from, you know, and you know, a place where we could actually see healing, you know? And I think that that’s a huge culture shift that needs to happen within our church. And I think there’s a, a bazillion churches that do it correctly, you know, but there are still some that are very caught up in the religious mindset of like, oh, well this is poison in the well, get it out. And you’re like, ah, here, like now, Yeah, I S I see that too cause it’s like, if my kids were hanging out with kids that were doing something, I wouldn’t necessarily want them to hang out with them, but if they’re in church, then, I mean, I think there’s a better way of handling it. And I think that no matter what you’re doing, I think there’s just three things that you really need to focus on, but number one is just like how Jesus would handle it.
Julie Lyles Carr: Right. You know, there’s just such a brilliance in what you’ve shared, because I think a lot of people, the reason they don’t want to be vulnerable Jordan. Is because I think at some level, a lot of people feel like, well, my family will still love me, but they probably won’t respect me, and they probably won’t honor me. This’ll probably diminish me in their eyes. And so to respond from a heart of, yes, love very important, but also this idea of responding out of a place of, I respect you for letting me know, and I’m going to honor you in these ways. I think that is a phenomenal solution to helping people feel that they can come forward. They can share the things they’re struggling with in a way that’s going to be fruitful, that’s going to be healing, and it’s going to help them grow. That’s really amazing. Well, Jordan, I’m so excited that you are back on the road. I know there are lots of lessons and things that you’re going to carry forward and share with your audience.
I’m also thrilled because you’re going to be in Austin, Texas. I believe it’s July 22nd. We’ll make sure we’ll check in the show notes as part of the live in Austin series concert series, that’s being hosted by Altrua health share and Jordan, I know you’re all over the place for the summer. So where can people go to find out more about when you’re coming to their town and where they can get to hear you, and just your amazing heart, your amazing aptitude for ministry, where they get to experience all that? Where can they go and find you?
Jordan Feliz: They can find, uh, all the tour dates and everything at jordanfeliz.com and you can access it through anywhere. Like if you go to my Instagram, it’s just @JordanFeliz, you can get there through there. And also to Facebook as well. Um, I think it’s facebook.com/jordanfelizemusic. Tour dates are posted there as well. But I gotta be honest, I cannot wait for the life Austin show. I love, I, I played there a couple of times and, uh, first of all, shout out to Randy Phillips because I love him so much, but also I just love that venue so much. It’s just beautiful. And, um, it’s just going to be an amazing night. I cannot wait to be able to elevate the name of Jesus with people in Austin. Um, another one of my favorite cities in the country as well. So I’m just very excited and, uh, you know, we’re just, we’re just pumped.
Julie Lyles Carr: Well, excited to have you in my town. And again, listeners, you can go to the show notes that Rebecca, so amazingly puts together each and every week, with all kinds of information on Jordan. Where you can interact with him, find him, all the things. Jordan again, thank you for navigating all kinds of technology and being in the middle of nowhere challenges for this conversation. And I just know that there is somebody who really needed to hear your wisdom and your heart and your humbleness today. So thank you so much.
Jordan Feliz: Oh, thank you so much.
Julie Lyles Carr: Check out the show notes for all the links, info, and other goodness from this week’s episode with a big thank you to our content coordinator, Rebecca. I’ve got a request, please go like and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. It really does make a difference in helping other people find the show. And I’ll see you next week here at the allmomdoes podcast.
