COVID, Back-to-School, and Holding Our Children Loosely

As a mom and social media manager, I spend a lot of time online. I’m in several online parenting groups and follow a number of parenting-focused social media accounts. And one thing has been abundantly clear the past several weeks.

Parents are nervous.

And I get it. We’re sending our kids back to school with COVID numbers higher than they ever were during the shut-down. The Delta variant is affecting kids in greater numbers. Children under 12 can’t get vaccinated yet. School districts differ in their mitigation efforts.

It’s a lot to deal with as a mom.
But can I be honest?
I’m not scared.

It’s not because I’ve got my head in the sand. It’s not because I think my kids are invulnerable. And it’s definitely not because I don’t care.

But a few years after I became a mom, I heard a phrase. A phrase that’s stuck with me ever since.

Hold your children loosely.

After years of striving to be perfect and literally driving myself crazy to parent “the right way,” this concept took a huge weight off my shoulders.

It didn’t mean that I didn’t care, or that I was careless. It meant that I finally understood that my children weren’t mine to hold. It’s my job to do my best. To steward my children. But realized I couldn’t cling so tightly to the illusion of control and think that I actually have command of my kids’ destinies. I couldn’t act like I was their god. And I couldn’t turn my kids or family into an idol.

I love my kids more than life itself. If you’re a mom, I know you understand. And this pandemic has definitely tested my philosophy about holding my children as an open-handed gift from above. Still, circumstances don’t change the truth.

I don’t know what this year holds. I pray fervently that my kids don’t get sick. But I’m not under the illusion that all of my efforts will keep them safe.

Honestly?

I don’t know what’s made the difference. Maybe it’s because I’m finally medicated for anxiety. Maybe it’s because I’ve given up control of things that were never mine to carry in the first place.

But whatever the reason, I’m ready.

I’ve honestly loved having my kids home for the last year and a half, but I’m ready to watch them re-launch into the real world. And as that happens I have complete peace. There’s no pit in my stomach or fear that something terrible will happen.

Because when I really think about it, I know that my children are not mine to hold. I can’t cling to them with a tight-balled fist in fear that they’re going to be ripped from my grip. Instead I need to accept that my children are mine on loan from God, and I need to concede that He is ultimately in charge.

And I totally get that this is a hard concept to those who don’t subscribe to the same faith or parenting philosophy. But if you don’t, can I just ask you one question?

Isn’t it exhausting?

Isn’t it exhausting trying to get it right all the time and making excuses for when things don’t go as planned? Isn’t it overwhelming trying to plan for every possible scenario and realizing that your love – no matter how strong – isn’t quite enough to keep them safe? Isn’t it discouraging when you realize that no matter how hard you try there are still things beyond your control?

I’m not blind to the fact that life right now is unpredictable.

But in reality, it’s always been.

No matter how great of a mom I am, things will slip through the cracks. And I could get upset about it or I could accept it. I can hold my kids loosely, love them fiercely, and trust that they are in the grip of the One that is far stronger than mine.

Mama, I’m not implying I don’t care. I’m not saying that my heart wouldn’t rip out of my chest should the worst-case scenario come to pass. And I’m certainly not suggesting we should be careless. In fact, everyone in our home who’s eligible (including my oldest child) is vaccinated. We wear masks and are selective about social gatherings.

But I can’t desperately cling to those man-made life-rings to keep my soul afloat. Instead I acknowledge that there are a million things that I can’t control, and I relinquish them to my Jesus.

No matter the outcome.

We are living in strange times. But really – there is nothing new under the sun (Ecc. 1:9). It feels scary and uncomfortable but God is in control even during COVID-19. He controls us, our neighbors, the strangers we interact with, and even our children. And no matter the measures we take, we need to remember one thing.

There are no guarantees.

Mama, here we go. We’re sending our kids off into an unknown environment, in the midst of an unknown pandemic, with our hands raised in surrender to an unknown virus.

We could drive ourselves crazy trying to control every variable or take a deep breath of surrender to whatever lies ahead.

And the latter is a whole lot easier when you hold your children loosely and realize you don’t have the control you always thought you had. It’s not easy (that’s an understatement) but when you step back and look at the whole picture, you realize it’s the only option.