We all have them in our lives, those friends who make excuses to skip social functions. It can feel like a snub when you’re the one giving the party. Well, as we enter this season of parties, let me give you a little insight, because I am one of those people.
See, I am an empath. An empath is defined as: “a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.”
That might sound like a cool superpower, but let me tell you, it’s actually exhausting.
I can walk past a person and immediately feel their mood. I’ve freaked out more than a few strangers by stopping and saying, “I’m so sorry you’re having a bad day.” They look shocked and tell me they thought they were hiding it well. And, I don’t just sense their pain, I also tend to take it into my own body. As you can imagine, that can be exhausting and overwhelming.
So, here is what it’s like for me to attend a party (these recent events all happened during one party):
- First of all, the party was at night. By the evening I am usually worn out from all the emotions I have taken in during the day. They come from everywhere; family, friends, internet friends, the news, people I see while doing errands, … you get the idea.
- My empathetic nature started before I arrived. I felt for the hosts and I prayed for the guests. I prayed that everyone would feel loved and welcomed and that no one felt left out or lonely.
- This party was quite a drive away and it took less time than I thought. I knew the hostess would feel stressed if we showed up early, so I made my husband park at a store until we could arrive on time. I was feeling her stress before I even arrived.
- As we sat in the parking lot, I remembered that the host was worried about food. Did I make enough to contribute? Should I have made more? (You can see why I was tired before I had even arrived).
- Once we finally got there, I knew it was one of the guest’s birthdays and yet the party wasn’t for him, it was a holiday party. As I walked in, he was sitting alone and looked a bit sad. Was he mourning the lack of his own birthday celebration? How could I make him feel better? Why hadn’t I brought him a gift?
- The hostess was creative and had her house decorated beautifully, but no one seemed to notice her hard work. Enter me, trying to comment on every little corner so she would feel her love-language validated.
- I saw that some kids had arrived late, after the early kids had already bonded. They stood sadly watching the other kids play. It made my heart hurt so I took them by the hands and introduced them into the gang.
- One child had his feelings hurt and his eyes teared up. No one else seemed to notice but I called him over and hugged him and whispered, “You know I love you, right?” He smiled and ran back to play.
- When it was time to eat, I looked around and took in the dishes everyone was clamoring over and the ones that were getting ignored. That determined what I would take for myself. I didn’t want anyone to feel their food wasn’t favored.
These are just some of the events from that one party. You can see why I was so exhausted as the evening progressed. I looked around at all the people laughing, chatting and joking, seemingly without a care in the world and I thought, “What is wrong with me?!”
It’s hard to turn off all the messages I receive. In fact, it’s almost impossible. When all this information is rushing into you, it’s bound to overwhelm and make you tired.
Keep this in mind when your friend cancels yet again. It truly isn’t about you, it’s about them. If someone asked you to run a marathon, in the dark, and bring food and dress up, you’d probably say no too. Yet, that’s what it feels like to some of us.
Having said that, being an empath doesn’t give me the right to be rude. I do not cancel at the last minute. I try to at least make an appearance at every function. In fact, if I’m comfortable with you I will just find a quiet place to recharge a bit before rejoining the party.
Part of me wants to rewire myself and be a jolly party guest who eats and drinks and makes merry, but I have to believe that God made me this way for a reason (and made others extroverts for a reason). So, for now I will keep doing my best and rest when I can.
What about you? Are you a fun party guest or an exhausted one?
Read more of Ann’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
