I read an interesting article the other day. Someone on Reddit asked the question: “What are some truths that parents refuse to accept?”
Being a parent myself, I instantly felt defensive. The answers though were thought-provoking and seemed to come from people who had lasting pain from their childhood. I share some of the top answers with you to see what you think (paraphrased for language).
Your children can do wrong. No child is perfect all the time. Don’t be quick to say, “Not my Jimmy, he would never do that.” Every mistake is an opportunity to teach your child life lessons and empathy.
Spoiling and protecting your child can make them unprepared for the world. A child needs to understand that they aren’t the center of the universe, otherwise they’re in for a mess of hurt later in life.
Your child may turn out to be different than you with different interests and hobbies. Don’t push football on them when they are bookworms, or vice-versa.
You can’t relive your life through your child. This goes along with the above. Don’t make your kid earn a black belt just because you failed to do so.
Sometimes kids have valid opinions. Instead of saying, “Because I said so,” listen to see if their argument has merit.
Your oldest child is not your youngest child’s parent. Many of those who voted for this answer said they were childless because they spent their childhood raising their younger siblings.
Children can be depressed. Instead of saying, “You have nothing to be depressed about” get them the help they need.
If your child needs extra help, it is not a reflection of you. It shouldn’t be embarrassing if your child needs speech therapy or extra tutoring. It doesn’t mean you failed as a parent.
Saying, “Well, I did my best,” does not excuse bad parenting behavior. A trauma for a child is still a trauma for a child. It can’t be minimized by excuses.
YOU teach your child manners and empathy, not his/her teachers. Teachers really piped in on this one. They couldn’t count the times parents dumped undisciplined kids off with a “He’s your problem now” attitude. It is not the teacher’s job.
The old ways aren’t always best. There are new ways of doing things and some of them are better ways. Be open to them.
You should be the safe place for your child. Kids should feel able to share with their parents and feel safe doing so.
“What are some truths that parents refuse to admit?” It is clear that the answers to that question came from people wounded by their own childhood issues. That makes them the most credible people to learn from and that’s what I plan to do. Gone is my instant defensive response, instead I want to check myself and my heart and retool some of my parenting skills.
Read more of Ann’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
