The past 16 years with our youngest child have been so, so difficult. I love both of my kids so much, but this one has challenged my parenting. So bright (high IQ, gifted kid), but so draining. A little over a year ago we FINALLY received a Level 2 Autism diagnosis- to say that it brings so many things from the past 16 years into focus is an understatement. With COVID, we have not been able to get any help for this new diagnosis, but we plow ahead (Seattle Children’s Autism Clinic has a two year wait).
I woke up in the middle of the night and could not fall back to sleep. Suddenly words started to come into my head and tears started to fill my eyes. I decided to get up and write those words down…and soon a poem was born. I don’t know if this will touch anyone out there, but hopefully if you are struggling as a parent or with anything else, you will know you are not alone. We are just beginning this new journey, but my faith gives me hope for a brighter tomorrow as I take things one day…one moment at a time!
“Random 2:00am Thoughts”
How many hours have I cried?
How many tears have I shed?
How many books have I read?
All because I love you!
Feeling all alone with no one to understand.
Seeking out help, but no one had answers.
From here to there, and there to here,
Always searching.
Smart, funny, loving and kind
Angry, raging, screaming and mean
How can you be so opposed?
Am I a bad parent?
Did I do something wrong?
What more can I do?
No! No! Nothing!
For years we tried to figure out.
Doctors, teachers, psychologists and more,
Always to no avail!
So we waited,
So we lived,
So life continued on.
Almost 16 years go by,
Answers come when unexpected.
Is it for sure? Nobody knows.
Is it too late? Never too late!
What does this mean?
What do we do?
More tears shed. More books read.
Hugs that you once loved, now repel you.
Time together, you no longer want.
My heart breaks and I am in pain.
Who are you? How do you think?
My child, but so unknown to me.
My desire is to know you more.
A different way of thinking
Learning who you are
All because I love you!
God created- perfectly unique!
God loved- more than you know!
Now to be who He made you to be!
I will learn and I will grow
We will both continue to change.
You will always be my child.
You will always be loved.
