Want Your Adult Children To Visit More Often? Follow These Rules.

I hear them all the time – complaints from women my age saying that their adult kids don’t visit them often enough.

I remember being a busy young mom and my mother was always guilting me to visit her. Yes, I was super busy during that time, but there were also deeper reasons why I didn’t really want to go.

Now, I’m the older mom wanting to see my grown kids and I’ve tried to remember all the things that kept me away from my mom’s house. I’ve also gathered information and hints from my friends and come up with a set of “rules” for myself to help my kids WANT to visit me.

Here they are:

No Guilt. I’ll never forget the time I finally had a chance to visit my mom. She greeted me with a very snotty, “Well, you finally remembered you have a mother.” It took all my strength not to turn around and walk back out again. Always greet your kids with joy and love. Guilt isn’t fun and it certainly won’t make anyone want to visit you.

Clean Your House. A young friend of mine has a mother who keeps her curtains drawn, her house cluttered and a thick layer of sticky dust on everything. It depresses the whole family to go there. My kids know that I hate housework with a passion, but I tidy up when I know they are coming over. It doesn’t take much effort: open the curtains, pick up the worst of the clutter and run a duster over things.

Make it Fun. Another friend complained that there was nothing to do at her mother-in-law’s house. During visits, they all sit and stare at each other. It’s so simple to set out some games, puzzles, etc. to keep people occupied and get the conversation started.

Love the Partner. You may not like who your child chose to marry, but for your child’s sake, pretend. Nothing will make a kid disappear faster than your obvious disapproval of their mate.

Don’t Compete. A friend had to block her son-in-law’s mother on social media because she was using the information on her page to guilt her own son: “I see you took her to lunch, why haven’t you taken me to lunch?” It’s not a competition. Be happy your child has more people who love him or her.

No Fighting. A visit from your kids is not the time to bring up conflicts. Just relax and enjoy their company. You can solve issues another time.

Nurture and Listen. Your grown kids still need you to nurture them. Show interest in their jobs, their dreams and goals, their lives in general. It’s more fun to visit someone who cares about your life.

Get a Life. Don’t wait around for your kids to visit. Get a hobby, volunteer, or join a club. It’s more fun to visit someone who is excited about life. No one wants to visit someone who is bitter and more than a little jealous of your busy lifestyle.

So, do my kids visit as often as I’d like them to? Of course not. But, these are their busy years and I understand that. When they do come, I greet them with a big smile and enjoy the time they can give me. No guilt, no drama. That makes them want to come more often.