I work four hours a week. I have a hard time thinking of myself as a “working mom”, especially when I hear friends tell of twelve-hour nursing shifts or forty-hour work weeks. My four hours is measly when placed side by side to these actual jobs.
But before diving too deeply into this comparison game, let’s remember this:
Being a mom is work.
Whether you clock hours for a company that pays you in US dollars, or you volunteer your services in the name of your household, or more likely, you fall somewhere in the juggling act that is both, it is all work. It turns out, raising and having kids takes actual hours out of your day and actual space in your brain; it is rewarding and exhausting, magical and mundane, all at the same time.
No matter what your day looks like, being present in it matters.
In his book Deep Work, Cal Newport writes, “A workday driven by the shallow, from a neurological perspective, is likely to be a draining and upsetting day, even if most of the shallow things that capture your attention seem harmless or fun”.
Now, in general, my day to day consists of getting kids to and from school and sports, keeping the toddler’s sass in check, and the general keeping of the house. I don’t think Newport is considering stay at home moms when he’s writing Deep Work, but I’d like to argue that the research applies to all of us.
On the days I let myself be distracted by innocent but shallow things, like texts or Voxer or Instagram checks, there is a distinct difference in not only my heart posture, but in my brain’s ability to focus on the task at hand. Most days, I work hard to not check texts until after coffee, prayer, and feeding my people. But on days that the temptation to check messages gets the best of me, well, it sets me on a whole different path.
What little focus and resolve I woke up to is now scattered. My focus is interrupted—and if this pattern continues (work, check texts, chat with kid, listen to Vox, clean up, scroll IG…you get it), it doesn’t take long before, like Newport writes, the day starts to feel as if it’s getting away from me and I can’t catch up. Instead of feeling accomplished, engaged, productive, I’m left feeling drained. I’d like to think that I can check a quick text and hop right back to listening my seven-year-old recall for me the adventures of Bilbo Baggins, but my brain can’t make that jump. Instead of being fully present with him, eager and happy to hear his sweet little voice tell me about dwarves and dragons, my brain is bouncing around like that tired ball in Pong.
The reality is this: We behold what we become, as the poet William Blake pens. When the trivial becomes urgent, it disrupts our mind’s ability to focus and throws our priorities off balance, leaving us feeling like we are spinning as fast as we can and yet never keeping up. The work I’m doing (even its “just” driving kids to school or chopping up apples for snack) is unsatisfying.
According to Newport’s research, when we’re interrupted in between tasks, our brains become “coated”. We’re unable to move on fully to the next task. The text I checked and my theoretical responses are floating around in my head, but now I have to try to hold onto those darting thoughts while also listening to the riddles Baggins solved. No wonder my brain often feels like a scrambled mess.
It is.
This way of living, scattered and half-way engaged, is also antithetical to the way we see Jesus live. Throughout the New Testament, we see him present, engaged, constantly interruptible—in the best way. He’s available to the very people in front of him. The greatest commandment, He says, is to love the Lord your God will all your heart, soul, mind and strength; the second, to love your neighbor as yourself (John 10:27). This is difficult to do when we can’t even keep our attention on the task, or person, set before us—how am I to pursue God, my husband, my children, when my attention is split? When I’m compulsively checking in, seeking entertainment over relationship, wondering what’s next?
Sitting quietly before the Lord requires just that: sitting quietly (Psalm 37:7). God promises that we will be transformed by the renewal of our minds, and this renewal takes place when we move our focus off ourselves and onto Him and His word. This is how we combat this frenetic state of thinking we’ve created. We set aside intentional time, away from digital distraction, so we can go deeper in our work—whether that’s in the reading of our Bibles, meal planning the week, sorting out a squabble, or finishing up that work assignment.
It’s all work that requires, and is worthy of, our full attention. Let’s give it.
Anna Sutherland lives in the Pacific Northwest, where she is stay-at-home mom to Owen, Henry, and Hadley. She and her husband Nathan run the non-profit Flint & Iron, through which they develop resources to equip families to love God and use tech. Check out the Gospel Tech podcast and the Gospel Tech Online Workshop for more resources!
