The Different Stages of Summer Stress

I am certain I ask this rhetorical question to myself every year but how is it already nearing summer break for the kids? For us in the pacific northwest, schools are not out until mid or even late June. The summer weather, however, did grace us with its presence the month of May with some gorgeous sunny days. While I am very much looking forward to the perks of summer like more outside time and not battling with my middle schooler about assignments that “somehow” didn’t get turned in on time, summer stress is looming over me.

Different seasons of parenthood have made for varying levels and types of summer stress. There is the baby and daycare stage where, looking back, was in some ways easier because there was no stressing about camps. The kids just kept on at daycare through the summer and it made for less disruption of our routine. While the planning was easier than what would soon hit down the road with planning out summer camps, the mom guilt during this stage used to hit me hard. I would have such guilt for my kids being in daycare during the summer.

Mom, if you are in that daycare stage and feeling that guilt like I did; I promise you your little one is having the time of their life. I remember pulling up to daycare and the sprinklers would be on, the wading pools out and sometimes the popsicles in hand leaving me to have to remind myself this was a fantastic summer for my child; even if they had been sad that morning at drop off. They likely dry those tears about 3 seconds after you leave for work.

Then came the school age where they are too old for daycare yet need full care during working hours. This was incredibly challenging for me the first year my oldest hit this stage. The planning and coordination and learning that most camps fill up by March so you had better be on top of it. I recall the added challenges when certain camps were half day or only a couple hours and trying to figure out how that could possibly work when I work full time.

If you are a mom in this stage planning out how to make summer work while having a full-time career, here is a tip; don’t make it harder than it needs to be. One summer I signed my daughter up for a few half day camps and lived to regret it. I added way too much to my mom plate trying to coordinate something that just simply didn’t fit well into our needs. If your schedule allows a camp that is 10-12, that’s great. But if those hours just add to chaos like they did for me, just say no.

I have arrived to what I view as a third stage or season of summer stress. The stage where they have outgrown summer day camps but they are also too young for a job or to yet have complete independence. My daughter will turn ten over the summer so she is still in the camp stage. She is loaded up in full day camps most weeks and I have balanced that with taking PTO so I can also enjoy summer and get lots of kid time too. My son, however, is at this third stage. He will be in seventh grade so naturally he is much too cool for most day camps.

He told me he was fine just “hangin out” all summer and not to worry about him. Just when I had this summer camp planning perfected, I was hit with this stage and honestly not really knowing what to do. I told him I would not force him to do any one particular camp if he came to me with a proposal of what he could do over the summer that would not equate to a summer of screen time in his room.

He will be 13 the first week of school and I am comfortable with him staying home solo; just not all day every day by any means. After an expected amount of eyerolling and grumbling from my tween, he finally did come up with what turned out to be a great plan. His plan has him in a couple of camps through school where he will know other kids, one week-long overnight camp with a friend and then summer swim team. I remember being that age and wanting to be able to just sleep in and hang with my neighborhood friends so I completely support this sort of lazy summer with a mix of some activities.

I now feel like I will be equipped once my daughter soon enters the stage of needing some sort of entertainment but also not wanting too much commitment so they can also just enjoy their summer and feel some sense of independence.

This stage makes my stomach slightly flip thinking forward to the next stage likely being the one where my son gets a job and then eventually the stage where he’s off to college. But then I slow myself down and remember for now they are still just nine and twelve.

Mom, here is my advice if you are experiencing summer stress at any of these stages. Remember there is not a one size fits all summer plan. You cannot compare yourself to the mom who doesn’t work and can therefore get away with not having things coordinated months in advance. You cannot compare yourself with the mom who does work and makes a good living to be able to afford camps your kids only dream of. You cannot compare yourself to the families who take luxurious vacations while you have planned one long weekend of tent camping. I guarantee you every single mom bears some type of summer stress, even if it appears they have it all together.

You don’t need to add to your backpack any additional worry, stress or comparisons You will have the summer that fits your family.

If you just realized you are behind on summer camp sign up, check out your local church camps or think about a Crista camp that you can likely still enroll in. I promise you, it will all work out and there will be experiences big or small this summer that give your kids those “best summer ever” moments.