Just as fast as summer seemed to all of a sudden arrive, we will soon find ourselves approaching a new school year. For most of us, there were three school years of uneasiness. Schools shutting down temporarily which turned to over a year of remote learning followed by in-person options with masks required and the threat of more shut downs continuing to linger. Last school year was the first full year that felt like it had normalcy back in the swing of things.
While the year came with much welcomed normalcy, it also came with a big transition. My son started middle school. Our public-school district is broken up K-5, 6-8 and 9-12 grades. Maybe it was the fact that we hadn’t had what I would describe as a normal school year since he was in third grade and the shut down occurred. I think regardless, I would have been filled with anxiety but it’s easy to put some of the blame on the pandemic.
A year out with 6th grade being a wrap, it doesn’t seem so big and daunting. But this time last year I was filled with all sorts of uncertainty unlike any other year of my kids schooling so far. When my son started kindergarten, I had all the same fears we all have. Was he ready? Would he make friends? Would he be a terror to the teacher? Flash forward and that first year of his schooling went just fine as did the following five years that finished up his elementary days. Not without hiccups. Not without some tears and frustrations. But also, not without fun and growth and many, many wonderful memories.
The fears for middle school were different. They seemed bigger.
I had no actual reason to have these fears. My son was a good student; for the most part. He was well behaved; for the most part. He was starting 6th grade at the school that his elementary fed into so he knew a lot of kids. But still. It was new and foreign and I felt unready.
Notice how none of these fears even mention whether or not my son was ready. My son was very ready. He was excited. He seemed fearless. He was “over” elementary school and ready for the next chapter.
I wasn’t necessarily ready.
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Rationally, I recognized that my fears had no real basis but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t half holding my breath over it.
As with many things in life, I prayed. Mostly just that it would all go ok. Not even fantastic or amazing. Just that it would be ok.
As time does, it moved forward all on its own and I found myself there in the pick-up line that very first day. My heart was pumping. As I caught a glimpse of him in the review mirror walking to my car, I quickly was able to give a sigh of relief. There he was laughing with a couple familiar faces of boys from his elementary school. They piled into my car laughing and asked if I could give them a ride home instead of having to walk. I exclaimed, “of course!” with relief.
Over the course of the year, we did have some bumps. Nothing over the top and typically due to my son failing to use common sense; which is quite typical for 12 year-olds I am learning.
Most of those bumps were at the beginning of the year. The first time I got a call from the dean of students, my heart sunk. She was incredibly nice and understanding. Afterall, this was not her first rodeo. She was very used to dealing with tweens and young teens and their lack of good decision making. But this was my first rodeo.
After I hung up, I sat at my desk battling all sorts of emotions. Anger, embarrassment, annoyance at my son. This was all over my son throwing a piece of food during lunchtime. Not exactly the worst thing in the world which is probably why the dean was clear that she was informing me of the situation but wasn’t seemingly concerned by it.
We dealt with it and moved on. We also dealt with another incident that happened not too far after. None of it was a big deal but at the time, it sure did feel like it.
The year progressed and I felt it ended on a good note. My son is excited for seventh grade and I feel no anxiety about our year ahead. Not because I think it won’t come without some issues or challenges; but because I have learned so much from that first year.
Middle school isn’t just a transition year for our kids. It is for us as parents as well.
If you are a parent with fears of the unknown with a new school or a new phase of your child’s life, know that you are not alone.
Here are a few things that could be useful for you as you head into this next chapter of life:
Try not to sweat the small stuff. I say try because I know very well this can be a huge challenge. I also know that sometimes we think something is big when we later realize it was small. I think the lesson here is to take a breath and take in the situation before you immediately respond.
Remember they are not in kindergarten, don’t talk to them like they are. While I don’t believe middle schoolers have a full voice of reason, I also have to keep in mind that my son does respond best when I treat him like a 12 year old versus a five year old. Even on days he seems to be reverting back to kindergarten behavior it may seem.
You cannot fix everything. Your kid might come home with hurt feelings, they might make poor choices, they might not be fitting in. It breaks my heart but the truth is that we as parents cannot fix it all. Sure, we want to help our kids who are struggling with friendships and tell everyone just how fantastic of a kid they are. But we cannot. We want to be in their heads constantly saying “make good decisions” on replay. But we cannot.
Connect with the teachers. This will vary depending on your school but I was pleasantly surprised at our school that teachers actually emailed me back when I sent off a question. It’s weird not knowing all the teachers like I did in elementary so reaching out with infrequent emails can be a way to connect and get feedback on your child.
Advocate for them but also teach them to advocate. Teaching our kids to advocate for themselves is a life skill they will need. They are still young so advocating for them will sometimes be necessary. But teaching them to do that for themselves can also prove to really help as they transition out of being an elementary kid.
You are not alone. I don’t know anyone with middle school aged kids who has not worried or been disappointed or struggled. It is hard having tweens and teens. Find community, counseling and resources to help you through this phase.
It is going to be ok. The days when you realize they have multiple missing assignments or they didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch or something else that breaks your heart or increases your frustration, remember it really is going to be ok. Middle school is an incredibly important time in their lives to be navigating and learning from their mistakes; because they still have you as a safety net.
They love you and they need you. I remind myself of this one a lot lately. They might push back, roll their eyes, act like they know it all. But in those moments, remember they do that because you are a safe zone. They love you and they are testing out boundaries. Cherish those moments where they hold a hug a little longer or randomly feel chatty and want to tell you all about their day. They love you every single day; even on days where it might feel like you can’t do anything right.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6)
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:34)
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10)
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Read more of Stephanie’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
