Embracing Flexibility and Freedom in the Face of Great Expectations

Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. (John 14:1)

Expectations. They have a place in nearly every part of our lives, don’t they? From little things to the biggest moments in life, we all have expectations. On one hand, they make us feel content and secure. We expect that we will be able to brew a cozy cup of coffee when we wake up in the morning, that the store will always have food for us to buy, and that our cars will get us where we need to go. We expect that our family members will all return home safely at the end of the day, that our children will stay healthy, and that our marriages will remain strong. When our expectations aren’t met it doesn’t take long for discouragement to creep in. It is all too easy to let those somber, downcast feelings take over.

As most of us well know, it is impossible for our expectations in this world to always be met. So, what do we do when they aren’t? As much as I believe that God is sovereign and in control, I have never been very good at letting things go. I think, “but this should have happened, things should have been this way, life was supposed to be like this…” I am learning that it takes a lot of wisdom and discernment to truly be able to accept the paths in life that we didn’t plan to travel on.

Earlier this month, it was Groundhog Day. As we all know, it comes every year, and the adorable little Punxsutawney Phil tells us if winter will continue, or we will enjoy an early spring. I think most of us are aware that Phil truly has no idea and more often than not, his guess is wrong anyway. Still, it’s usually a fun day, especially for younger kids! I thought my six-year-old would be so excited to watch the news clip of little Phil making his annual prediction, so I showed him before we left for school. An early spring was in the forecast! I assumed he would be thrilled about that and looking forward to more time outside, but this was not the case. Tears started pouring down his sweet face, his glasses fogged up, and he sobbed. He had hoped all winter long that it was going to snow. Now, according to Phil, that wouldn’t be possible. He expected it to snow. Why wouldn’t it? It snows in winter. That’s what it shows in every book and movie, right? We have been fortunate to have a good amount of snow in recent years, but in the Pacific Northwest that isn’t always a guarantee. This explanation was no comfort to him. He walked to school with his head down and as discouraged as can be.

GettyImages | rudigobbo

Kids aren’t the only ones who get down about the weather. Adults may not always look forward to playing in the snow the way kids do, but we often let it dictate our moods just the same! We expect toasty warm days in the summer but complain when it gets too hot. We don’t want it to rain but loathe watering our lawns and gardens every single day. It didn’t snow on Christmas and rained during the egg hunt on Easter. If we let them, our weather expectations can quickly lead to grumbling and disappointment.

“The day is yours, and yours also the night; you established the sun and moon. It was you who set the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter.” (Psalm 74: 16-17)

Relationships are another big one when it comes to expectations. Whether it is with our spouse, parents, children, siblings, or friends, sometimes things just don’t turn out how we thought they would…how they were supposed to. There is nothing wrong with assuming we are going to have wonderful, healthy relationships and that should absolutely be our goal! Only, how do we find contentment when they aren’t going that way? Or when injuries or illnesses occur? I know for me, whenever things have crept up that I wasn’t expecting, my first reaction is anger. I also know that being angry doesn’t fix anything, doesn’t repair our bodies or relationships, and gives Satan a win because we can’t be joyful and focused on growing closer to Jesus if we’re full of anger. I know anger is inevitable at times, but we have to try not to stay there for too long. In those darker places and moments, it is sometimes unbelievably hard to trust that God is working everything together for our good, but I have found that is the only real way to work through our disappointment. I usually pray, “Lord please give me peace, bring peace to this circumstance or relationship, whatever that looks like.” I know what I think it should look like, but I could spend my whole life bitterly waiting for that when God had other plans all along.

You know how in movies, couples fall asleep in each other’s arms? It’s a small thing, but when my husband and I first got married, I fully expected to blissfully drift off to sleep cuddling each night. That was not the case! It was so uncomfortable, but I kept trying. My husband said his arm was asleep and that I was way too hot to be close to all night. The nerve! I couldn’t believe it. That’s what husbands and wives were supposed to do! If we didn’t, was there something wrong with us? With our marriage? Of course not. Looking back now it seems ridiculous to have ever given it a second thought. We were nineteen, and it really mattered to me at the time. Just like to my son, even if I explained all day long how sometimes it snows and sometimes it doesn’t, it really mattered to him that our winter was over.

GettyImages | Borchee

We will always have great expectations, but it’s what we do when those expectations are altered or even shattered that counts. Life sometimes shakes us to our very core. We’ve got curve balls coming at us just when we think things are going according to plan. We can’t do much about the curve balls, but Jesus can! He can hit them out of the park every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

I hope I can be more flexible and a better example to my children of how to handle the unexpected. I pray that I’ll be able to help them navigate those hurdles in their own lives and show them how to fully rely on God. If you’re upset about your current circumstances, your relationships, or even the weather, I encourage you today to look hard for the blessings in your life. To count them, to thank God for them, and to wake up tomorrow feeling just a little bit more peace, rain or shine.