Are you in the midst of raising teens or pre-teens? It can be like tiptoeing through a mine field, can’t it? One minute they are sweet and fun to be around and the next their attitude drives you crazy.
It’s hard to connect with someone who prefers the company of their peers and spends hours in their room away from the rest of the family. I remember my brother telling me that he would have been happy when he was a teen if we had just left his food outside his bedroom door and he could have stayed in there forever.
So, how do we get around that?
I read a lovely story about a mom who was dealing with that exact situation. Her daughter did not want to leave her room and when forced, she made the rest of the family miserable. This mom was brilliant. She made a snack tray, knocked and entered her daughter’s room and sat on her bed. With no agenda in mind, she shared food and sodas with her little hermit. Before long, her daughter began sharing what was going on in her life. Because that smart mom had not pressured her daughter to talk in any way, her teen felt safe to speak on her own terms. Before they knew it, an hour had passed.
That example shows you how creative you sometimes have to be to connect with your teenager.
When my kids played their music, I would ask questions about the artists. I complemented the songs I liked, and they’d tell me stories about the bands. Before long, they started making me mixed CDs with handwritten labels saying, “Mom’s Mix” or “Mom’s Music”. I still have those CDs and I love playing them and hearing the music through “their ears”. It was a lovely way to connect.
One summer night my daughters, granddaughter and I sat around a bonfire in the dark. My granddaughter began to open up about her life and her fears. Somehow the crackling fire and the darkness made her feel safe to share. We talked about periods and pregnancy and marriage and all sorts of womanly things. She got to hear her mom’s and aunt’s stories as well as mine. Because she couldn’t see our faces very well, she had no embarrassment.
A young lady I know had a particularly bad fight with her parents. She went to school the next day still hurt and angry about it. Her mom showed up, picked her up from school early, and took her out for a coffee. The teen was shocked and asked, “Why are you surprising me, I was awful to you.” Sometimes teens just need a mental health day. It’s stressful trying to deal with hormones, peer pressure, and school.
One dad I know encouraged his son’s interests. He’d buy old computers, typewriters, engines, and clocks. He’d bring them home, hand them to his son and say, “Let’s see how this works.” That time together in the garage was invaluable.
I have a tradition with my oldest granddaughter. We find the cheesiest rom-com movies we can find and watch them together. We guess when the heroine will move back to her hometown, who she’ll end up with, and when the first kiss will happen (snowstorm, fireworks, in the rain?). During one movie the mother opened the door to her daughter and said, “It’s a Christmas miracle!” and started crying. My granddaughter looked at me and said, “I want you to say that to me every time I come over.” So now I greet her at the door by saying, “It’s a Christmas miracle!” She laughs in delight and runs to hug me.
These are just a few ways to connect with your teenager. Your ways will be different. Raising teens can feel so serious and overwhelming. What if they don’t turn out to be good people? What if they act surly and live like a hermit forever?
Give yourself AND your teen a break. Get creative and inject some fun into your lives. You can enjoy these years and build a relationship with your child that will last a lifetime.
Check out these scripture verses. They will nourish both you and your teen.
- Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
- Joshua 1:9 – This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
- Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
- Philippians 4:13 – For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
- 1 Timothy 4:12 – Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.
- Isaiah 40:30-31 – Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
- Isaiah 41:10 – Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
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Read more of Ann’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
