I really prefer to have it all together. Or at least have you think that I do.
Since I became a mom, I’ve worked really hard to have a well-organized, balanced, chaos-free life. And, for the most part, it has been.
But these past few weeks have been…shall we say…brutal.
A move. A new house. An old house. A new schedule. Sickness. A funeral. Unexpected travel. Husband’s work trip. Parenting solo. Exhaustion. Disorganization.
And, yes, complete chaos.
These days have been about simply survival, with little more than an ounce of effort for what might pass as good parenting. I can’t get anywhere on time, I’ve made excuses as to why I couldn’t keep commitments, my kids are in hopelessly wrinkled clothes, my house is a disaster, I shuffle my kids between family members for last-minute care because I need help keeping my head above water, Conlan’s homework sheets have been completely blank, the TV has been a near-full-time babysitter, I’ve called my husband in tearful hysterics on several occasions, and the kids’ dinners have consisted of frozen pizza or chicken nuggets more often than not.
{My own dinner has been a peanut butter cup and a handful of potato chips after they are tucked into bed.}
Dear me.
This isn’t the mom I want to be.
And yes, I’ve been dealt quite the crazy hand these last couple of weeks. But I think most of us can relate to the feeling of waking up to the realization that we’re in serious need of improvement in some area of parenting or another.
Maybe we feel the need to be more gentle-mannered with our children. Maybe we need to watch our language. Maybe we need to model a more loving relationship with our spouse. Maybe we need to find more quality time with our daughter. Maybe we need to be a little more disciplined around the house. Maybe we need to be more disciplined with discipline.
It’s not about being perfect in all areas of motherhood, but it’s about honoring that still, small voice that prompts to toward growth and improvement in that one area that keeps resurfacing.
So if that’s you, dear mama, stop lamenting that you’re not the mom you hoped you’d be. I feel a change coming on, and here’s how you can make it:
Name it. Clearly identify the area of your parenting that’s bothering you and that you’d like to improve.
Let go of the past. Don’t let yourself be weighed down by how things have played out in the past. You can’t change it. You can only change the future. Instead, be thankful that past events have turned into a catalyst for change, and are helping you become a better mother.
Make a plan. Decide how you want to handle things differently in the future. It doesn’t need to be complicated and overly thought-out. Just start making a very simple plan of action in your mind. “When my son starts pushing my buttons, I’m going to take a deep breath and look deep into his eyes before responding.” “I’m going to make a goal of doing the dishes every night before I go to bed.”
Don’t wait to implement. Don’t wait until tomorrow, or Monday, or the first of next month. Waiting until “the perfect time” sets up expectations that are just waiting to be dashed. Start trying to make small changes right away.
Keep trying. Starting a new habit is tough. It takes multiple tries, multiple weeks, and multiple failures. There will be moments when you realize you blew right past your new plan, fell into old habits, and feel like kicking yourself. But trust me, it’s part of the process. Expect it and don’t let it throw you off track. Pick yourself up and keep going. Regroup if you need to.
Remember where you started. Every once in awhile, look at the past. You might have failed in recent days, but with a little effort, I’ll bet you’ll be able to say that you’re in a better place than where you started. It’s hard to recognize success in the day-to-day, but taken as a whole it’s easy to see the fruits of your labor.
Is there an area of your parenting that you’ve been feeling needs some attention? How do you plan to address it?
