She’s an honest voice when it comes to battling anxiety. Scarlet Hiltibidal and Julie Lyles Carr take to the mics in this episode to talk about anxiety, its impact on family life, marriage, and faith, and what you can do when fear and worry are getting the best of you.
Listen to “Anxious with Scarlet Hiltibidal” on Spreaker.
Interview Links:
Find Scarlet Online: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Book: You’re the Worst Person in the World
Bible Study: Anxious – Bible Study Book with Video Access: Fighting Anxiety with the Word of God
The Modern Motherhood Podcast #73: Scarlet Hiltibidal – Overcoming Fear & Anxiety
Transcription:
[00:00:00] Julie Lyles Carr: You’re listening to the AllMomDoes podcast where you’ll find encouragement, information, and inspiration for the life you’re living, the kids you’re raising, the romance you’re loving, and the faith you’re growing. I’m your host, Julie Lyles Carr. Let’s jump into this week’s episode.
[00:00:27] Today on the AllMomDoes podcast, she is somebody who is so transparent about something that might not be your favorite topic, but is something that we generally all deal with as moms. I welcome Scarlet Hiltibidal back to the podcast today. Hey Scarlet.
[00:00:42] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Hi Julie. It’s so good to be back.
[00:00:44] Julie Lyles Carr: It is so good to see you.
[00:00:47] You know, I don’t know if I told you this last time, but you actually have the name that in my heart of hearts, I feel like was supposed to be my name. Never. I’ve never felt like a Julie, nobody ever thinks I look like a Julie, even with, I have some clients I work with and they still call me Laurie. And I’m like, no, I’m very clear. I do not look like my name to a lot of. Um, I really thought I was supposed to be a Scarlet,
[00:01:10] Scarlet Hiltibidal: We should, I agree. We should trade because I don’t have the, um, the gravitas, I don’t think Scarlet.
[00:01:20] Julie Lyles Carr: Yes you do. Yes. You do our course, you know, who, who messed up the game for us. And I’ve been there Scarlet O’Hara with, that’s you know, but then you look at Scarlett Johannson, ScarJo, and I don’t, I, that just, that just raises a bar, but I’m telling you, you will, you wear Scarlet very well.
[00:01:36] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Thank you. I do differentiate myself from those Scarlet’s because mine is spelled like the color red, not like the name. I still have like relatives who still, it was two teams, because that’s how, the, how, that’s, how it spelled.
[00:01:47] Julie Lyles Carr: That’s how the world’s spells it. But yeah. Well, I love your name. I love that your back. I love your heart and I love your humor and your stories, so I know that listeners are going to be really impacted today, by what you have to say.
[00:01:58] And somehow my friend, you have become sort of our go-to resident on all things. Anxiousness fear anxiety.
[00:02:09] Scarlet Hiltibidal: How did that happen?
[00:02:10] Julie Lyles Carr: I’m like, wow, this is kind of, this is her name now. This is how it’s happening. Yeah. I mean, do you find yourself kind of surprised that this is the area? Of course you have a lot more scope to who you are and a lot of wisdom on a lot of things, but the way that you unpack your journeys through anxiety, through worry, through fear, really resonate with people in such a huge way.
[00:02:30] Do you, I mean, is it still surprising to you to kind of look around, oh, I I’m going to be, I’m going to be the poster girl for
[00:02:35] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Isn’t that funny? I mean, I don’t view myself as that. It’s so funny. The thing is, so yeah, I I’ve written and writing about other things too, but it’s someone said to me, why, why a Bible study after you wrote afraid of all the things, you know, 2019 and now anxious the Bible study.
[00:02:53] And it’s because when I’m talking about my faith, it is such a huge part of not only my testimony, finding joy and peace and freedom through the gospel, but also just my everyday walk with the Lord. It is the thing that I fight the most. And so I definitely, um, how did you word it? I don’t know. Like, I’m not like the expert, I’m just the person who’s been riddled with it for my whole life, I guess, and is willing to share and, um, and definitely
[00:03:23] I’ve just found purpose and joy and freedom, um, which I have to continue to fight for which I’m sure we’ll get into all this, but the Bible study, the subtitle is fighting anxiety with the word of God, because I definitely don’t feel like a and an overcomer in this area. I just feel like, um, I’ve learned to discipline myself, to you know, fix my eyes back on what’s eternal and and I’ve seen the importance of that. And I’ve seen that I can’t, I can’t suddenly be all fixed and all better, um, in my own strength, you know?
[00:03:57] Julie Lyles Carr: You’re the brand and the brand ambassador. You’re the brand ambassador.
[00:04:00] Scarlet Hiltibidal: I’m the anxiety brand.
[00:04:05] Julie Lyles Carr: That’s what we’re going to say in it.
[00:04:06] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Want to see what anxious looks like? Here she is here.
[00:04:09] Julie Lyles Carr: She can model for you, but you know, what’s interesting to me. I know that, and again, you’ve been so transparent in your battles with this. I love that distinction about to fighting, that it’s a continuing journey. You know, so often Scarlet, I think that we look to things in our faith and what we’re looking for is an end to something that we’re grappling with when instead it’s possible that what God has invited us on is a journey through that issue.
[00:04:35] And it makes me think a lot about within the Greek language, there’s a verb tense that we don’t have in English and so it’s hard for us to often get our heads around it. And I may butcher the pronunciation for some of those out there that some of those seminarians who might say it differently, but it’s aorist tense.
[00:04:52] And what I’ve always been fascinated about the aorist tense is that it means it was, it is, and it is going to be. And we think of that of course, often describing who God is, that he was, he is, he is to come, but it’s also within the context of verse in that Greek language. And so I love that to my mind you’ve kind of grabbed onto that with this idea that anxiety may be something that we’re always fighting. It may be a battle we’re often in. It doesn’t mean that we’re losing the battle, right?
[00:05:27] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Yeah. Definitely before I even weigh in on this, I have to tell you that this morning I woke up and I told my husband that I was interviewing with you.
[00:05:36] And I was like, yeah, you know, I remember when I went to Texas and I told you she was so brilliant that it kind of made my brain as you’re spouting out Greek words. I just have to, I just say that. And then I here’s what, here’s the other thing I want to say? Um, yes. So here’s the thing, is that hearing
[00:05:56] hearing, oh, it might always be a battle in my early twenties. I probably would have translated that as hopelessness, like, okay, well, I’m just going to be a pessimist and someday I’ll go to heaven. And here’s the thing is that I’ve learned that the journey of fighting anxiety is a gift in itself because we were made to depend on God, to glorify God, to find our joy and security in him.
[00:06:22] I definitely don’t want my fighting anxiety with the word of God, messaged to be a one of hopelessness or one of like, you’re just going to have to keep fighting. It’s going to be really hard. And then someday Jesus is going to make it better. Now that is true. Someday, all things will be made new. There will be no more fear, no more pain, no more tears, every tear from every eye.
[00:06:41] We know the verses and revelation, but, um, but, the the, right now, the, the abundant life and the peace that surpasses understanding that we can have access to now, as we fight, it’s been such a gift in my life to see, you know, kind of like, I don’t know, I’d say it’s like a thorn in my flesh. Like I have other battles that I have overcome through the power of God.
[00:07:04] And I look back on them and I’m like, man, that’s a testimony to God’s healing power and his goodness. And wow, he can do that. And he can do that with anxiety too. Um, and you know, also there’s different types of anxiety and different causes for anxiety, but as far as just the, the battle of struggling to keep your eyes on the Lord, struggling to, to feel at peace,
[00:07:23] um, even if you believe in, know that you’re at peace with God, um, I think that’s something that has proven to be the ongoingness of it has proven to be a gift in my life because I cannot take my eyes off of the Lord. You know, it’s like, it causes me to draw near to him when I might naturally, um, you know, watch tick toks, people getting their hair highlighted for five hours.
[00:07:46] Julie Lyles Carr: Which sometimes I do,
[00:07:48] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Which I often do and I’m working on it.
[00:07:53] Julie Lyles Carr: We are, we are overcoming, we are, we’re working on some things. One of the things that I love in being an observer of your life, again, because you’ve been so honest about your battle with anxiety, with fear, with worry, you keep signing up girl, for stuff that a lot of people would say, well, if, if I’m already grappling with anxiety, then I don’t want to change certain things in my world.
[00:08:18] I don’t want to go for certain things because I just want to create something that feels familiar and safe. And you keep jumping out and doing stuff that throws you right into the anxiety traffic lane, not the least of which is a move that you and your husband made. And I love this. I told you before.
[00:08:37] Went on Mike’s I love this. So much of the world is moving from Los Angeles to Nashville. And I feel like it’s very on-brand for you to decide to go from Nashville to Los Angeles, to like cross because everybody’s driving across country to their new locales, you’re waving at everybody and heading west.
[00:08:57] Tell me about the decision to make that move to California and what that did in terms of what you noticed about yourself when it comes to anxiety? Cause I got to say moving for me, I have a Pavlovian response to moving that is just please no, please no, please. I made so much as a kid and then once you’ve moved with kids, once you’re a parent, nobody tells you that little, that little turnaround.
[00:09:24] So I’m really curious that you decided to go for this. As you are fighting and managing and working with your anxiety.
[00:09:35] Scarlet Hiltibidal: I love this question. There’s so there’s so many things I want to say right now. Okay. Let me, let me reign it in. Um, okay. First of all, I feel like you’re so kind to me and the way that you just phrased that made it sound like I’m this like brave warrior
[00:09:50] who’s like, I will jump into scary situations and I definitely don’t feel, definitely don’t feel like I am. I feel like man, you’re right, I it’s so funny, cause you’re an observer, you know, you’re not like, like we don’t do life together, um, so maybe from the outside as I’m like sharing, okay… we’re moving to California.
[00:10:09] It’s so funny because it’s like, I wake up every day and I fight the panic that is naturally in me, I think. And all these stories that the Lord has given me to live through are not things that I like was like, sign me up. Let’s do this. The whole, like you said, I don’t know how you said it, but the whole
[00:10:33] wanting to insulate yourself from pain and, you know, just be safe and secure. Like that was, and is my go-to. That’s my MO. And so it’s like anything that doesn’t look like that from the outside is, and I’m not trying to be like Jesusy in a religious way, but it truly is like, It was a one day at a time.
[00:10:55] God did what he needed to do in my personal life, um, through the details, you know, the little tiny details to remind me and show me that he was in it. Um, and it was just tiny little baby steps. All of it. I mean, you know, I think of like our adopted. I, I was like fighting with my husband years, a year before we walked into that saying, I’ve heard all the stories of everything that can go wrong.
[00:11:21] I could never do that. And God did his thing. You know, there were people in my life and I was seeing it and my cousin and, you know, it’s, he uses all these things. So as far as the move to California, now I’m getting to the answer to your actual question… Um, is all part of it as far as moved to California, um, you know, now
[00:11:41] I like fresh starts. I like moving, but we had such a good thing going and Nashville. Nashville is such a sweet place. And we had this amazing community and we were plugged in and it felt like this is going to be our life forever. And the crazy thing that happened, and part of this was COVID, but it’s really, it wasn’t all COVID,
[00:12:01] it was like, for some reason, God allowed all these things that we could cling to as our security, to just kind of evaporate. And it wasn’t because there was, you know, tragedy or someone did something horribly wrong. It was just like, oh, this family that we were very close to got their job, you know, they, they moved away and then this happened and then this happened and then COVID happened.
[00:12:22] And so the remaining people and structures that we kind of were relying on also kind of got uprooted and we just kind of found ourselves in this place of like, wow, we’re kind of like really untethered. And if God were ever to want to move us, it kind of feels like he’s been preparing us for this. And that was like a three-year process.
[00:12:39] And so for three years we just kind of watched our lives. It was so weird, Julie, it was like, what is happening? But it was like, what are we, what is happening? And so I tell people like I have three kids, I have three daughters and one of them major big time struggles with anxiety. So we walked through that.
[00:12:56] Um, and like, if it had been like an instantaneous, like you see the Instagram posts, oh, she’s moving to California. If it had been like a decision like that, that would have been like a tragedy in the family. Like, I don’t know how that would have happened, but because we had these three years of loss and change and you know, my daughter, her closest friends, like for different reasons, moving away and me saying, you know, listen, you’re going to build new friendships.
[00:13:23] It’s going to happen. We all as a family, we’re so, um, what’s the word? Transportable? No, but I don’t know if we were just ready. And so it was like by the time California happened, um, which is a ten second story, which I’ll tell you in a second, by the time that happened, all five of us were like, let’s, whatever it is, God send us like we’re ready because of all the change.
[00:13:46] Um, yeah. And so the, the California, the reason California is my husband did, he was a pastor in Miami. Um, he was a pastor there with Eric Geiger who, you know, writes books is a wonderful leader. Pastor. He moved on to be the vice president of Lifeway brought Brandon along with him. Meanwhile, Kay Geiger,
[00:14:06] his wife is like secretly discipling me because if someone had been like, let me disciple you when I was 10, I would have been like over and out. Um, but instead she just, yeah, she just poured love into me and was like, come in through the garage door, do this Bible study with me. So, you know, we just. They brought us to Nashville.
[00:14:23] And then Eric went back to full-time ministry here in California. And, um, that was part of the whole season of loss. You know, we loved their family and we had moved to Nashville, but, you know, and, um, then they were out here and, you know, the plan for my husband was always to go back into full-time oh, that’s not true.
[00:14:40] But he, when I met him, he was like, he was a pastor and he was going to be a pastor and then moving to Nashville, um, originally was going to be like, oh, we’ll do this for a while and then maybe, you know, Part-time at a church or go about, you know, in some way the plan. And he was always very involved as a volunteer in Nashville.
[00:14:59] So yeah. I mean, it’s not like it’s something we’d been praying about since we moved to Nashville. Like we, we saw him Sunday, um, working as a pastor again. And so, yeah. I mean, basically we just follow the Geiger’s wherever they go around the country. And that’s why…
[00:15:13] Julie Lyles Carr: I love no, I love that the period of time that allowed you to disentangle because I’ve had some moves which have been like that. And some which have been more of that shearing off, like what is happening and it’s, and it would be… I also have a couple of kiddos who really grapple with anxiety, and I do think that sometimes when abrupt change happens, it can really activate anxiety into hyperdrive in a way
[00:15:40] that’s really interesting. So I love God’s grace in that you had some time to to walk through that to be prepared. And, and, you know, God will sometimes give us that sometimes we don’t get that. And, you know, to some degree, if there is a five unloved languages of anxiety, change would probably be one of the top ones, because change is a very difficult thing to navigate generally for a lot of people.
[00:16:09] And then you throw in everything that happens not only in the mind, but biologic when we’re talking about anxiety, you know, everything, it’s like all of it’s coming against you when you discuss anxiety and you look at it through the filter of relationship with God, when you look at it through the filter of scripture.
[00:16:28] Obviously, as we’ve just said, there is that emotional component, that mental component of grappling with it. But there is also that physical, and I’m not asking you to be a medical professional here, but I think sometimes in our conversations, we forget that that’s part of it. What are some things that you notice in yourself and one of your kiddos when anxiety is starting to rise, and are you able to use that now in a way
[00:16:52] that it’s a signal, that maybe it’s time to take a pause, take a breath, get some prayer, get a mentor on the phone. Like, how are you navigating that so that you can be more aware of it? Because I do think those places where anxiety comes and just Moses down and we didn’t kind of see it coming, or we were like, no, no, no, it’s not a problem.
[00:17:09] It’s not a problem. Those to me are some of the scariest times when we feel really out of control of our emotions, but maybe we haven’t noticed some of the, some of the doorbell going off.
[00:17:18] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Yeah, I love that you brought that up because if you hadn’t, you know, sometimes I’ll have these conversations about anxiety and I always want to make sure to get that thought in there.
[00:17:27] Um, so thanks for making it easy. Yeah. I mean, in my own personal life, physical anxiety is the thing. Um, that’s the thing when I was five years old and, you know, afraid of all the things, which is on my bookshelf behind me, my first book, I, the first chapter I talk about collapsing and going to the hospital because of my stomach pain.
[00:17:45] And like for me, and I also am very open and, you know, there’s opinions on this and, but taking medication for anxiety… I’ve been on and off of it for my whole adult life. And every time I’ve been on it, it’s because of physical symptoms that are a result of for sure, a, a panic inside of me. So, you know, For me, like, it looks like I can’t stop hyperventilating.
[00:18:09] I can’t swallow. I, you know, I mean, it’s, it’s very, very, very, I’m very psycho sematic. And I, you know, there is a connection there and there are warning signals. I don’t know if I’m answering your… you’re so deep. I told Brandon you make my brain hurt. You’re you’re too. Your IQ is just track. No, for real.
[00:18:31] I’m not like flattering you anyway. Um, Yeah. Like, I know, I know
[00:18:38] I got to dumb it down. Um, but okay. I’ll say this and maybe I’m not answering your question correctly, but yeah, so like, I, my anxiety is very physical. As far as for my kids, I’m very careful in how I talk about it, but the one that struggles is, is open about it. And it makes me so happy that we like live in a day and age where people are talking about it and she will like write down her mental health struggles.
[00:19:05] I mean, we it’s it’s, it runs in our family, you know, and she’ll, she’ll be open about it at prayer time at church. And I love that she does that. Um, you know, she’s not ashamed of it. I’m getting off topic, but anyway, yes, in my family, we have experienced such a connection to the physical and also just the different, um, sources of anxiety.
[00:19:25] You know, you’ll be in Christian circles where it’ll be like, pray more. You got to trust God more. And the thing is that is a huge, that is, uh, an anxiety thing. You know, in the Bible when it says be anxious for nothing like Jesus is constantly trying to get our attention and remind us that all of these sad, scary things
[00:19:42] that caused us to panic and insulate and hermit up, you know, um, he, he has defeated everything. He has defeated evil on the cross already. And so our souls are safe. Our bodies might not be safe, but this is temporary. He’s trying to teach. He’s reminding us of that all the time. Um, so that’s absolutely uh, thing, but also we have bodies and I don’t have a thyroid and that contributes to my anxiety. Also brain chemical imbalance.
[00:20:09] That’s a for sure thing. And so it’s like, there’s all these things. And then there’s also sin. Um, the wicked flee though no one pursues; that’s just somewhere in Proverbs. Like you can have anxiety just because you are willingly doing something that you know is wrong. And so, you know, reading a self-help book or even praying an extra hour or taking a pill is not going to help you.
[00:20:28] Repentance is going to help you. So, anyway, I’ve probably said all this to you before, but I don’t know if I’m answering your question, but it’s so the way Tim Keller says it is the biblical answer for our woundedness is it’s complicated. That’s the biblical answer is complicated. And so what was your question?
[00:20:47] Julie Lyles Carr: It really is that reminder that it’s not just about, it’s not just about the thought processes, although that’s a big part of it. And thankfully God created us to have tremendous neuroplasticity in our brains. There are lots of things we can do through scripture, through prayer, through meditation, through counsel that can really help rewire some of that make us aware
[00:21:09] something is kind of coming up over our shoulder and when it comes to anxiety. But I do think that the physical response of the body or the physical trigger of the body when it comes to anxiety is, we sometimes overlook. And for people who don’t grapple with it as much, I think it can be easy to take a look at that girl in your Bible study, who’s really wrestling with it or your child who, as far as you’re concerned, has nothing to be upset about.
[00:21:36] Their mortgage. They don’t have to worry about the mortgage. They’re not where they’re not worried about all of those things. And sometimes our response even can be, well just calm down, calm down. And that’s not really prescriptive when it comes to some of these things. I love that Tim Keller quote.
[00:21:54] It’s complicated. And so it does take a team and I, it makes me sad when I feel like at times, even with the best of intention in our faith communities, we are seeing someone who is dealing with this and we are trying to simplify it to a place of, well, if you just pray more or you should fast, and again, those are great things, but to allow God to show his provision and his healing through
[00:22:21] a plethora of approaches is to my mind, even more honoring of the ,creator and all of the ingenuity and invention and innovation that he can represent for us when it comes to dealing with different issues in our lives. You know, one of the places I feel like you have allowed yourself to go on tour.
[00:22:40] If you will, with your anxiety as the brand ambassador… we should have tour t-shirts.
[00:22:48] Scarlet Hiltibidal: I need to update my Instagram on tour and brand ambassador.
[00:22:53] Julie Lyles Carr: Is with your daughter who y’all adopted and that such, I want, I want listeners to go back, we’ll put it in the show notes, the conversation that you and I got to have a couple of years ago, and we unpack more of that adoption journey and what that was like for you.
[00:23:06] But as part of being her mom, and she has significant hearing loss, I have a child with significant hearing loss, so there’s just such a connection there, but she, you’ve been through the process. Not only of cochlear implantation and learning ASL and all of that. But you’ve been working with surgeons to reconstruct external looking ears for her.
[00:23:27] And if there is ever a place that I think that our anxiety goes onto her with us, whether we feel like we’re someone who grapples with it significantly, or it’s something that’s just sort of an echo in the back of our head motherhood, I think comes embedded with an anxiety chip. And when we talk about our kids, having to undergo medical experiences, when we talk about kids who learn differently, who have different needs than kids who are considered neuro-typical, that’s just a place where I think anxiety
[00:24:00] often the soundtrack. So what was that experience like? You’ve gone through going and getting this child all that means her inclusion into your family. You are working through the process of getting language to her, but now you’re dealing with something that is surgical. It’s invasive. She’s going to have times of deep discomfort or potential confusion about what’s going on.
[00:24:20] What was that like?
[00:24:22] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Well, okay. Well, I will say first of all, um, she did not have a cochlear implant because she’s very unique. She is very interesting. She was born with a perfectly working cochlea and so it wasn’t as invasive as that. So I will say, um, I don’t know much about that and I’m sure that that would be a whole other level.
[00:24:42] I’ve heard of the difficulty of that. So grateful for that because we, you know, we didn’t know, we, we adopted her, we knew she was deaf. We knew she did not have physical ears. Um, they said, if a sound is very loud, she’ll respond. But she, she was so, um, you know, her story is long, like you said, you’re going to link to it, but we weren’t really sure what was up because she was so severely
[00:25:04] malnourished and all that, that, you know, when we met her, we were like, we don’t know what the issues are yet. Let’s, let’s love her and bring her in and figure it out as we go. And so one of those things we figured out as we went was that inner ear, perfect. Outer and middle ear, non-existent. Super interesting.
[00:25:22] So like basically some people who might have a working cochlea, but no outer ear, they’re able, and I went to high school with a guy who had this, they’re able to like make a hole so that the sound can get in. But since she doesn’t have middle ear, either she is not a candidate for that. Deep in her, wherever that is, she could hear this, the sound needed to get in.
[00:25:43] So when we met her, um, I think it was like a month or two months in, they put this headband on her. And I think when I met you the first time, this is probably where we were at in the ear journey. But yeah, she had it just like sitting on her head. And so the surgery, um, the ear surgeries, plastic surgeries, were just for looks for the ears.
[00:26:02] But then the one part that was slightly invasive was they put a post for the box. So they drilled a hole in her skull. So there’s like a button Oshkosh B’gosh overalls, you know, from the eighties, um, she just sticks it on like a button and they said that could improve the hearing, but really it was more like, you know, you’re, the headband would irritate her and, you know, she, it was just hard to deal with.
[00:26:26] And so, but it did, it really improved her hearing. Um, it was crazy. I have so many stories about that that I won’t get into, but she was verbalizing so much better within a week of that surgery. Um, which is so cool. But anyway, what has that journey been like? Um, it’s been interesting as she’s gotten older because it’s like the first couple of years
[00:26:46] and when I met you in 2019, it was like, everything was just a miracle and we’re just like, oh my goodness. Every new thing that she learned to do, I think the doctors would do was just like so exciting and wonderful. And now she’s like pretty much a regular kid, Julie, it’s so cool. Like she, you know, intellectually, like we didn’t really have any hopes at all.
[00:27:05] We just knew God called us to, to bring her into our family. But she’s like, um, so there’s expressive. You probably know this because you have a kid with hearing, hearing loss, um, expressive communication and receptive communication. So with the, we had her tested like two years ago, I think and she was six.
[00:27:21] She was six years old. As a six-year-old her expressive communication was like right on target as far as sign language and all that. Her receptive, how well she could understand language and what’s happening in the world around her, she tested like a 13 year old. And so like, she used she’s so interesting because she uses
[00:27:40] signing, now she can’t talk, but you know, she’s getting better at vocalizing and you people who spend time with her are able to understand what she’s saying, but it’s like, if she’s with an expert and there’s an interpreter to the side, she will just look at the person talking. But then if she reads, if she’s a little confused, she uses everything to be able to communicate.
[00:28:00] And she’s so good at it. So it’s been amazing. And as far as like the fear component, she has taught me so much. I mean, she is the toughest human in our family. She’s like, and you know, it makes sense after everything she’s been through, but like she is, has just this beautiful, unbelievable ability to just kind of take… you know, she has so many day-to-day challenges and she has such a good attitude about them.
[00:28:24] Now she has her moments. It is she’s to this age now where it’s like, she knows that everybody can talk easily, and she can’t. It’s just, it’s a challenge. And so that’s been a sad, hard thing, you know, like, why can’t I talk? When am I going to talk? Um, why does everybody else get to talk? What, you know, asking these really hard questions, but what’s been super sweet because the Lord works all things together for good, for those 11 callings called according to his purpose.
[00:28:52] Is that even this really hard thing in her life and in our life, um, has been a gift. Like we just joined with this word in like a hybrid homeschool. So two days a week, the kids are in class and then the rest of the time they’re home. So in one of our school days like the kids, you know, we’re in California, the nobody, everybody in Tennessee
[00:29:11] watched us in the process of bringing joy to our family. But here we’re the new people. And so all these kids are like, oh, she uses her hands to talk. So they’re super excited about signing. So my oldest who is 10, started a sign language class with a roster she’s collecting trader Joe’s stickers to give us rewards.
[00:29:28] I mean, it’s a thing and it has grown. It’s so funny. I, yesterday I was like, how do you decide what to teach? Like, she’s just winging it. She’s like super together, but she’s just like teaching them how to communicate in science. And it’s, I can see how that has been such a thing for joy. Like she’s like, oh, people are interested.
[00:29:46] Like people are signing to her and like communicating with her in the way that she communicates. It’s been as far as the fear of like being a mother, you’re so right. Like it comes with the anxiety chip, but, um, I’m so grateful that I, and this is what I always talk about, and like, my whole ministry like started because of this woman, Elizabeth, but when I was a young mom and I was in a room with a bunch of moms and she, she just kind of laid out how her home functions and what her goals are, and she was,
[00:30:12] I just want to live the gospel out and what that looks like is pointing, pointing to Jesus in everything we do. So I, if there’s a win it’s because of Jesus. If I fail, I repent. I pray. I ask for forgiveness. I show the kids I’m weak and I need Jesus too. And so that was just like, I am so grateful that I was, that I heard that advice when I was a young mom, because I have carried it with me.
[00:30:36] I have found that even though I battle anxiety still and especially physical anxiety, that’s like the hardest thing for me. Um, even though I battle that, as far as in my parenting, um, it’s a lot more walking through hard stuff than it is, worry about it. Um, because we have hard stuff with all of our kids, but.
[00:30:54] I’m not scared of it. I’m just kind of in it. You know what I mean? Um, and our brave joy has taught us so much about how, you know, I use her as an example to my others. I’m like, look at what she’s been through. I mean, she got diagnosed with Tourette’s last year. Um, and that was hard cause we thought it was seizures.
[00:31:11] And it’s like all the stuff that you dread is like the worst thing to be in a hospital with your kid, with stuff all over their head. And they’re trying to induce a seizure and flat. I mean, it’s like a horror movie. When you think about it, but when you’re in it, it’s just like, okay, now this nurse is going to come in.
[00:31:26] Now they’re going to flash some lights and it’s like hard. It’s really hard, but it’s not like the fear of the thing is so much worse than actual, just living life and walking through life and knowing God is sovereign and he’s got us and he’s in control. So that’s kind of where we’re at now is enjoying the gifts of love from people and navigating the hard questions,
[00:31:51] being super grateful of all the healing that God’s done in Joy’s. I mean, she’s so she’s just, you know, it’s, she’s just amazing. She’s just a happy kid and I love it.
[00:32:01] Julie Lyles Carr: I love keeping up with your family and being able to see all that that’s going on and her progression and the things that you’re learning.
[00:32:08] I think it’s really beautiful. And you said something that I, that wisdom that you were given as a young mom. Incredible. And you said something that I’d love to keep in mind and gotta be honest Scarlet, sometimes I forget it, but a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear, a lot of worry has to do with projecting
[00:32:28] into the future, what we think could happen. What the outcome might be. What that might mean. And at the end of the day, and I don’t mean this to be prosaic or simplified to a level that’s disrespectful, but trying to, for myself, trying to unbuckle myself, because I’m a very forward-thinking and then I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do that though, trying to unbuckle myself from my expectations specifically about the future, or my
[00:32:58] catastrophizing about the future, is a good spot for me to go, you know what I have now, God’s given me breath now. He’s given me today and, and whatever my assignment is today, I’m gonna do the best I can to get through that. And that’s what I feel like I hear you saying a lot is being willing to place into his hands,
[00:33:22] not in a way that does not recognize how challenging this can be, but being willing to put into his hands, what tomorrow looks like, because we don’t have any control anyway.
[00:33:34] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Yeah. Tomorrow has its own problems is how the Bible says it. But yeah, it’s like it’s and that is so hard to do. And that’s what I try to coach my most anxious daughter to do.
[00:33:44] And I, in doing so I’m reminding my own heart to do that. It’s like, Today, I’m in, there’s sunshine in California and you know, I’m talking to Julie and drinking this wonderful coffee and God is so good. Yeah. It’s so hard to live in the moment. It’s so funny. My daughter who struggles, she always says, I’m trying to remind myself to live in the moment.
[00:34:05] It is so hard to not live in past failures, past pain, or what’s going to happen tomorrow. But man, that’s where the peace is. The peace is you know, God’s word says it in so many different ways, but in just sitting and enjoying and, you know, gratitude man, like being like, wow, look at what God’s done. Are there so many, um, what’s what’s the way that one counselor I talked to said it.
[00:34:33] Last year I was wrestling with the, oh, what was it? Unresolved. I forgot how she worded it. She worded it in this beautiful way, but I was struggling with the unresolved things in my life. Like the broken relationships, you know, estrangement. Hard stuff that I think lots of people experience. Um, Not everything in life is going to have a little bow, you know?
[00:34:57] And so being able to sit with those things, that’s, what’s hard. That’s, what’s hard for me as far as the, the, the brain part of it. You know, I told you physical is, is hard, but the part that’s hard for me also is just being able to say, okay, uh, like my sweet grandmother, Marlene who’s now in heaven would sit and she would sing that song,
[00:35:17] I’m so happy. And here’s the reason why Jesus took my burdens away. Like that’s real. And she lived it and I saw it. And I saw, you know, I saw her walk through all sorts of pain and uncertainty in her life, in her 88 years, but she was able to do, most often when I saw her anyway, sit in the, listened to those birds chirping.
[00:35:38] How, how beautiful, you know, like, um, yeah. Life isn’t perfect and there’s a lot of pain, but I don’t have control over that. So I have control over today and I’m going to love my family today and I’m going to be faithful today. And thank Jesus for everything today.
[00:35:54] Julie Lyles Carr: Great wisdom from an awesome, awesome friends, Scarlet with one T so grateful for you being here today, working with the Bible study is anxious, fighting anxiety with the word of God.
[00:36:05] Love that you also have a new book coming out in the spring. I can’t wait to see called your, the worst person in the world. That that’s just a win some kind of award for a title in the Christian book market. I think it’s fantastic. So where can listeners go to find out more about you, about your family, all the great things you have.
[00:36:23] Scarlet Hiltibidal: I think as of right this second, just go to afraidofallthethings.com, because my last name is so hard to spell. Pretty soon youretheworstpersonintheworld.com will also be a way to find me. Um, but then I was realizing your with R E that can be confusing for people.
[00:36:38] So. You know, man, I don’t know, do your best. Do your best to find me. Scarlet Hiltibidal.
[00:36:47] Julie Lyles Carr: Check out the show notes, we’re going to help you out. We’re going to, Rebecca who puts together those show notes each week, she’ll have the links for you to listeners. So you can go and find it Scarlet as always love getting, have conversations, coffee, and time with you.
[00:37:00] Thanks so much for your time today.
[00:37:02] Scarlet Hiltibidal: Thank you, Julie.
[00:37:08] Julie Lyles Carr: Check out the show notes for all the links, info and other goodness from this week’s episode with a big thank you to our content coordinator, Rebecca. I’ve got a request. Please go like and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. It really does make a difference in helping other people find the show. And I’ll see you next week here at the AllMomDoes podcast.
