A video popped up on one of my social media sites. It showed a football wife arriving at the Super Bowl game. She had a whole entourage with her. There were nannies for EACH of her children, security people, and assistants. Meanwhile, she walked ahead of everyone looking adorable in a designer outfit, perfect makeup, and coiffed hair.
I laughed out loud after watching it.
I pictured what a video of me would have looked like when my kids were young. It wouldn’t have resembled hers in any way.
I would have been lugging diaper bags, snacks, blankets, extra jackets, and probably a kid or two. My face would have been red from the exertion and my makeup (what little there was of it) would have been sliding off my face. My hair would have been tossed into a ponytail and it would have looked messy (even though messy hair wasn’t a thing yet). And, instead of a cute outfit, I would have worn a baggy sweater to hide the rubber band I put around my jeans’ button to gain a few more inches of breathing room in the waist.
There were days I would have loved to have a nanny or two to help me corral my kids, or just to give me a moment of peace. The 24/7 nature of mothering was sometimes overwhelming.
I would also have loved security people. Knowing I was an introvert, they could have said, “It’s too peoply out here for her today, please don’t approach her.” They could have screened my calls and set up a perimeter around me so I could get my work done in peace.
And, I still wish for an assistant. Can you imagine having someone to sort the stacks of school papers that seem to reproduce in backpacks? Or, how about sorting mail, sending birthday cards, buying gifts, helping with homework, and picking out school clothes? I remember the years I had to wake babies from naps every day so I could pick the older kids up from school. An assistant could have driven instead while I soaked up the quiet of a sleeping baby.
I’ll admit that I had moments of envy as I thought of that lady’s life in comparison to mine. From a distance, prancing in front of a parade of helpers wearing a cute little outfit and looking gorgeous appealed to me, UNTIL I really thought about it.
I have the benefit of hindsight and as I look back, my favorite memories of motherhood are the messy ones. I don’t even remember the shiny memories, the times when we were all dressed up and the kids (and I) were on our best behavior. Instead, I remember the messy times, the days I was doing a mountain of laundry, and the kids were running around with clean underwear on their heads, or the weekend mornings when all my kids piled into our bed to wake us up, and we’d laugh and giggle together. Those moments wouldn’t have happened if I had a nanny.
I once met a childless friend for lunch with my kids in tow. Within five minutes, this poor gal had food goo on her silk blouse (the one she had just retrieved from the dry cleaner’s) from one of my kids’ hands. I could see the irritation on her face, and I just couldn’t relate because in my life food handprints were a normal occurrence. I loved those “love stains” and as I drove home from that lunch, I remember thinking how blessed I was. I was living my dream. I loved my messy life, and I wouldn’t have traded it for all the silk shirts in the world.
It was through the struggles of motherhood that I learned that God meets us down in the trenches. That’s where the lessons are. That’s where I learned patience, perseverance, and grace. And, if you look hard enough, there’s also a lot of joy down there. I shudder to think of all the lessons I wouldn’t have learned if I had been spared the messy parts.
Mrs. Pretty Football Wife and Mom may look like she has it all, but she doesn’t. She is missing out on all those hard parts of motherhood. Those times when you’re exhausted and crabby and then suddenly someone puts underwear on their head, and everyone starts laughing. Those are the most precious parts of life and I’m glad I didn’t miss out on them.
So, she can keep her nannies and assistants. I will stay here in my yoga pants and tee shirts and enjoy my amazing kids. They grew up with an imperfect mom who was sometimes exhausted and never wore designer clothes (or even clothes that had to be dry cleaned), but who was always there for them.
I thank God that having those “helpers” wasn’t an option in my life. It forced me to live the messy, chaotic life of motherhood.
Looking back, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
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