Sometimes I struggle with finding a positive side to growing older.
All the changes I am going through feel so negative. My face isn’t the same one I used to see in the mirror. There are lines and sags that were never there before and as much as I tell myself that wrinkles are beautiful, it’s hard to convince myself that that is true.
I don’t have the energy I used to have either. I used to skip and jump through life, but now my joints hurt and I nap almost every day just so I can make it until bedtime. My body also has this strange habit of attacking itself, so I have multiple autoimmune diseases that make aging even more difficult.
I’m determined though, not to turn into a bitter old lady, living in the past and taking my bitterness out on the world. But, sometimes I really struggle to find the positive side to my “golden years”.
The other day I took a day trip with my daughter and her two sweet kids. As I watched her manage her children (and her mom!) with grace, I was a bit envious of her healthy body and energy.
At one point, my four-year-old grandson and I were almost a block behind my daughter (who had the added burden of carrying a one-and-a-half-year-old in her arms). I felt bad that she had to keep stopping and waiting for us to catch up. But, then I realized something.
My pokiness matched my grandson’s need to explore.
He and I stopped at each new flower patch. We smelled all the blossoms and named all the colors. We watched every butterfly and bent to see every bug. “Look!” my grandson said every few seconds. And, look we did. We looked in windows, balanced on curbs, sat on benches and petted dogs.
When I was in the trenches of motherhood, I rarely had time for such “nonsense”. I had schedules to keep, endless tasks to finish, quibbling kids to referee, meals to make and an evening job to get to. I didn’t have time for bug-watching and flower-sniffing.
But, now I do. Pausing gives me the opportunity to rest, and aging means I have no kids to raise and no job to perform at.
Plus, my little grandson didn’t care about my wrinkles or my lack of energy. He was focused on all the fun we were having. My “infirmities” allowed me to experience a part of life I hadn’t had time for before.
It’s such a typical lesson from God, isn’t it? A lesson hidden in the middle of what looks to be nothing but negative circumstances.
And, that truly is golden.
Read more of Ann’s contributions to allmomdoes here.
