Five daughters.
I have five daughters. That’s a lot of girl products, friend. That’s a whole lot of training bras and nail polish and Barbies. Through the years, there have been numerous iterations of bubble gum pink bedroom decor and multiple generations of American Girl dolls and accessories. And there have been some issues that I’ve visited five times over as we’ve guided these girls of mine into their tween, teen, and adult years. There are sixteen and a half years between my oldest daughter to my youngest, and so I’ve seen a lot of trends come and go, and I’ve also experienced seasons and questions with my girls that have remained the same, no matter their birth year.
Understandably, I get a lot of questions about raising girls, given the age span and number of daughters who have lived in my house. There is still plenty of mystery to be had when it comes to how to navigate all things female, particularly as our lives move, shift and shape to new expectations and old roles, places of greater freedom and fights against old foes like harassment, lower pay scale, and heavier household responsibility.
Julie received free product and compensation for her honest review of 3 Graces Beauty.
There are a lot of heavy things to cover when it comes to the raising of the next generation of women. But there are some topics that I get pinged on a lot, and one in particular that perhaps you might think of as more trivial or surface. But it’s a topic that has some deep layers and lots of questions surrounding it.
I speak of makeup. All things makeup. What age should my daughter start wearing it? How much is too much? What products should she be allowed to wear and how should I roll that out? Should she wear makeup at all? What signals is she sending by the way she wears cosmetics? What story am I allowing her to tell? Should I make her wear cosmetics? Should I keep her from wearing cosmetics? How do I keep her from being obsessed with her looks? And how does all this dovetail with faith?
So, yeah. Bigger, deeper topic than it appears at first glance, because it delves into the core of how women understand their worth, how and if they compete against each other, what pressures there are on women and their looks, and also what it means to have the freedom to express your personality through how you present yourself to the world.
It’s hard to know how to navigate it well. I, like you, never wanted to send my girls a message that they somehow needed to cover up or hide their real faces. And I also wanted them to know that there was nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate their femininity and their interest in using cosmetics. My youngest daughter Merci is just about to turn 13 (What?! How?!) and she’s having fun playing around with makeup. As I guide her on all of it, now on my fifth time around, here’s where I’ve landed on a few things.
I don’t have some magical age at which my girls could start wearing makeup. I know, I know, when it comes to this, it would be pretty convenient to pick an age and stage and stick with it for each of your daughters. But I’m a big believer in really taking a look at who each of my kids are and customizing what they need and when for them (see my book Raising an Original for a deeper exploration of this). Because we didn’t have a specific age, it removed some of the ‘forbidden fruit’ nature that sometimes comes with makeup for girls. Our girls never had to sneak a tube of mascara, never had to wait until they got to a social event to covertly dab on some lipstick. And the great takeaway for me was that my girls ended up rarely wearing makeup at all during their teen years. Several of them as tweens started out practically doing makeup face paint, but the shiny wore off very quickly and they all moved on.
It should be fun, not a point of conflict. I love this advice I got from Colleen Kirk, one of the founders of 3 Graces Beauty. She notes that it’s so important to view makeup as a form of self-expression and artistry. I know a lot of moms who are primarily concerned that it’s a form of trying to attract boys and for trying to appear older. But when we position it the way that Colleen does, it carries positivity instead of some kind of odd shaming.
Teach them early to be thoughtful about the ingredients they are using. I’ve long been teaching my kids about nutrition and healthy lifestyle practices and all the rest…but didn’t always think about it when it came to cosmetics. I myself was often looking for the cheapest product instead of the healthiest one. That’s just one of the reasons I was so excited to get to try 3 Graces Beauty with my girls. Yes, this is sponsored, so know that upfront, but regardless, I’ve been so impressed with their ingredient list and their commitment to not using toxic chemicals and additives. At the end of the day, I want my girls to have a healthy attitude and relationship with cosmetics and I want those cosmetics to be healthy for them.
Be wise about picking your battles. And pro-tip; makeup shouldn’t be one of them. Listen, there are absolutely some important hills to die on. Unsafe behavior. Substance abuse. Disrespect. Save your parenting fuel for the things that are the most important long term. An experiment with a ridiculous lipstick shade or heavy mascara ain’t it. Your preferences aren’t the most important issue here.
I love supporting female-led companies with great faith messages. That’s 3 Graces Beauty and so I feel like it’s a win/win, giving myself and my daughters products I feel good about while also giving some love to companies like 3 Graces Beauty. The beauty game shouldn’t just be about external looks, it should also be about helping all women celebrate being women. That’s the biggest lesson I want my girls to remember from their time dabbling in all things beauty products while they’re still living in my house, to celebrate being a woman, to support products that are good for them and good for female business owners, and to remember that beauty is the outward expression of the inner person. If we get those things right, I feel like we’ve had a win, these five baby girls of mine.
