Christmas Meltdown

My mom had a saying and I heard it hundreds of times while I was growing up:

“It will never be seen from a galloping horse.”

She meant that it was okay if things were less than perfect. I did not appreciate the sentiment while I was young, in fact it annoyed me, but it popped into my head this week after I had a mini-meltdown.

I am at the point of holiday planning that I call “Christmas Piles”. There are piles of Christmas card supplies in the dining room, piles of Christmas décor in the living room, piles of gift-wrapping paper and bows in another room and piles of Amazon boxes in the hall. It looks like Christmas threw up in my house and it is so stressful.

Besides my homemade piles, life has thrown more piles on top of me. I, and family members, have been ill with a nasty virus. My dear husband has been in and out of the ER multiple times for heart issues (in fact, I am writing this to you from the hospital) and all the other day to day stressors have really begun to pile up (more piles!).

I came home the other day, looked around at the chaos and just collapsed. “I can’t,” I exclaimed, “I just can’t.” I didn’t have the energy to raise my arms, much less finish Christmas planning.

It’s hard to know where to draw the line, isn’t it? What, as moms, are we required to do for the holidays and what can we let slide? That question, by itself, causes loads of stress.

I was sharing my dilemma with an older friend and she reminded me that in the early days our “have-to’s” were purely physical. We had to find food and we had to stay warm. Now, often times our have-to’s involve emotional needs. We have to keep the kids’ presents equal. We have to bake Christmas cookies and we have to decorate our homes to match what we see online. But, do we really?

I easily get caught up in emotional have-to’s. I’m a sucker for showing love in how I bake, what I buy and how I decorate. Then, before I know it, I am completely burnt out.

I dusted off my mom’s galloping horse saying and added even more drama to it by asking myself, “Will anyone die if this doesn’t happen?” (I am nothing if not dramatic).

I looked at my to-do list with new eyes and started slashing it down.

The card mess on my dining room table was first. I took a pen and crossed out all the people I had never received cards from in the past. Why had I kept them on my list? With a shorter list, I was able to finish my cards and pack away the supplies quickly.

Next, I brought my empty Christmas totes back in from the garage. I’m going to pack at least half of my décor away again. Every corner of my house does not need to be decorated. I’m probably the only one who will notice anyway. That feels very freeing.

Then, I remembered that I wouldn’t be seeing some of the family until after Christmas. Why stress over getting the shopping done now when I actually have lots of time?

I also plan on saying no to everything I can. I even cancelled the surgery I had scheduled for December.

Dinners have become easy throw-together meals. Sometimes, instead of cooking, I chop fruits, veggies and a protein and put it on a plate. If I call it charcuterie it feels fancy.

I have added some things to my list, but they are things meant to calm and soothe me: a foot soak, sweet Christmas movies, scented candles and hot chocolate, anything that will bring me some peace and joy.

Moms are crazy busy at this time of year. We have a ton of balls in the air at all times. That’s a given, but I am trying to identify the balls of my own making and letting those drop.

How about you? What balls can you drop? Will the others ever be seen from a galloping horse? More often than not you’ll find the answer is no.

Then, maybe, just maybe, we can actually relax and enjoy this Holiday season.