“I want to forgive you. And I want to forget you.” If you ever found yourself years ago caught up watching the drama filled tv show, The Hills, you would recall this famous line from Lauren Conrad. An episode filled with Lauren finding out about her best friends’ betrayal and how she handled it. I remember watching the episode in my room in college feeling like; “yes, I’ve been there too. I’d love to forgive that person and forget them all the same time.”
We’ve all been there, hurt so deeply and knowing what we “should” do…forgive. But finding yourself with the real feeling of just getting over it and forgetting instead of actually forgiving? When we don’t genuinely forgive, do we ever really forget? Or do we just hold onto old hurts and wounds? Our pains reliving themselves in our thoughts and holding our hearts hostage.
If we’re honest with ourselves, real forgiveness is super challenging. So how do we do it? What does it look like to truly forgive someone? To forgive the real, deep-cutting, hurtful things done against us? If you’ve figured it out and know the answer, please share because from what I’ve experienced it isn’t easy!
I have had plenty of hurts in my life all from mean comments to deep painful lies of betrayal. Every single act of hurt causes us to ask ourselves “can I forgive this person?” “can I truly forgive and have a clean heart?”. Years of bitterness, anger and refusal to forgive causes our hearts to become callused. God doesn’t want that for us but it’s where many of us including myself find ourselves when we refuse to dig in deep, acknowledge the hurt and walk out what authentic forgiveness looks like.
So how do we, as Jesus followers, be people that not only forgive but learn to love again? Reading through the scriptures, Jesus doesn’t call us to forgive once and expect everything to heal up immediately. He actually calls us to forgive 70 times 7 times. “Then Peter came to Him and asked, “Lord, how many times will my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered him, “I say to you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22. The phrase 70×7 is synonymous with God’s eternal forgiveness, meaning that when we choose to truly whole-heartedly forgive someone of their wrong done to us, that is God’s forgiveness poured out. The same forgiveness you and I are both given every day by our merciful God!
“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 3:22-23
I can’t say I know the fool-proof way for our hearts to learn forgiveness, but I’ve walked out enough experience to know a few things that can help. Here are a few practical ways to begin the process of true forgiveness.
Be honest with God where you’re at and the hurt you’re experiencing.
It’s really easy to say “yeah, yeah I need to forgive” but then not know where to start or how to even prepare your heart. God wants us to go to him, he wants us to be honest with our hurts and feelings. God never said to not feel but rather come to him with every emotion and lay it at his feet. God wants to be there with us in our pain. Allow yourself to be your raw emotions with God.
Ask God to help you forgive.
He doesn’t expect or want you to do forgiveness alone. God sent his Son as the ultimate companion, friend and mentor on how to forgive. Walking through our hurt, asking Jesus to help us forgive allows us to realize that we aren’t forgiving on our own strength but on His strength.
Seek to forgive over and over.
Forgiveness doesn’t just come into our hearts and wah-lah it’s complete. It takes time and commitment for our hearts to be transformed. Not just forget the hurt but to truly forgive the wrong done against you. Just like Jesus said to Peter, not forgive 7 times but 70×7 times. That a lot! Every time you feel hurt, frustrated, bitterness pop back up take a moment to give those feelings to God. Asking him to help you forgive. You may have to do this 100 times a day but eventually you’ll notice your changing.
Remember we all can forgive because God forgave us.
All throughout God’s Word there are verses on forgiving as God first forgave us. If we’re honest with ourselves it’s challenging to forgive others but it’s amazing to accept God’s forgiveness of all the things we’ve done. When we are reminded of our ability to forgive because God himself first gave grace and paid the price for all the hurt we’ve cause – puts things into perspective that yes, we too can forgive.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
True forgiveness is easy to say and challenging to actually live out. But if we as women and men choose to try, choose daily to be honest with God and ask for his help in forgiving, I believe we can, through Christ, become more forgiving people. I love this lyric in Cory Asbury’s song Sparrows, “A heart that’s planted in forgiveness doesn’t dwell in the past. So why should I be?”
From the place of forgiveness our hearts can then be thankful. We look back on our hurts, pains, closed doors, failed relationships and see how much God has done. Forgiveness teaches our hearts to love those who hurt us thus allowing us to be thankful not only in good times but also in challenging times! Making us more of who God has created us to be!
By Rachel James
Rachel is a born and raised Pacific Northwest girl. You can find her cozied up with a warm cup of coffee in the early morning.She is a big time sports fan; from being a UW Husky alum to loving the Seahawks and Mariners. You’ll find her checking how her fantasy team is doing during football season. She is passionate about music, always making new playlists and sharing with everyone around her.
