It started out as a great plan.
Since the male faction of our family was going to a movie, I thought I’d take my six-year-old daughter shopping for a fun but low-key morning with mom – just the two of us. We’d run by a couple of stores, and then I’d finish our outing by taking her to Claire’s at the mall to pick out a few hair accessories. She’d never been, and I knew she’d be enamored by all the glittery options.
At our first stop, the store was handing out treats for a promotion. What a fun way to start our errands, I thought. Everything was going perfectly as we meandered around the store. Until we stumbled into the toy section.
That’s when the whining began.
“No, I’m not going to buy you a Barbie car,” I started calmly. “Remember? We’re going to buy you some pretty hair things later.” She begged and bargained as the answer remained “no.” She gave up the minute we walked out of the store. I was relieved.
But then the situation repeated itself at store #2. I felt frustration rising, threatening to sideline our mother-daughter day. I figured things would get better when we got to the store where she could actually buy things.
I was mistaken.
The minute we walked into the mall the begging started anew. “Can we go to the indoor playground?” No. “Can we rent those animals you ride on?” Also no.
She loved Claire’s as much as I thought she would, but things didn’t go as planned there, either. When I told her she could pick out some cute hair accessories the only things she wanted were a unicorn headband and mermaid hair extensions.
Not quite what I had in mind. Then she discovered the stuffed animals and begged for a unicorn.
Once we finally got out of there with our hair clips, the begging continued. “Can we just do TWO MORE THINGS today?” “Can we go get some lunch so we don’t have to eat at home?” No and no.
You guys. I had this vision of a nice, peaceful morning shopping with my daughter. And instead, all I did was find myself saying “no” way more than I said “yes.”
It was incredibly frustrating and disappointing. But not because I didn’t say “yes” more often.
It was frustrating and disappointing because I have worked hard to teach my kids gratitude. They are well-acquainted with the word “no.” I’m very intentional in my efforts to help them understand they live a privileged life and it’s pretty rare that I give in to their begging. In fact, all throughout the morning when my daughter would ask for something I’d gently remind her that we would be buying her something later, and she should be grateful and focus on that.
But it turns out she wasn’t grateful. And even after she did get to pick out her pretty hair accessories, it still wasn’t enough. I thought of this meme that I saw going around awhile back.
Amen, sister.
But as it happens, I’ve been going about this “gratitude” business the wrong way. Apparently the more you talk about it, the less grateful kids become. Well then. Does that mean we’re all screwed?
No. But it just means that we have to be in it for the long haul. We teach our kids gratitude over time as they consistently hear “no,” as we refuse to give into tantrums and begging, and as we model gratitude ourselves. It means we don’t take it personally when our kids seem selfish and ungrateful, but we keep plugging along the path, determined to make it stick someday.
It means we don’t implement strategies to avoid disappointment like skipping the toy section, but instead hold firm to our refusal even when our kids really want something right now.
Mama, teaching gratitude means playing the long game. It’s understanding that we’re fighting an innate battle of sinfulness. It’s knowing we can’t expect our kids to master it by the time they reach kindergarten – especially when most of us still struggle to master it ourselves.
Yes, kids have different personalities. Yes, we all know moms with kids who seem precious and sweet and thankful. But if yours isn’t today, it’s not an indication that you’ve failed in your parenting. It just means you’re playing the long game.
Keep it up, mama. Stay strong. Be firm in your “no.” Don’t take it personally. And don’t let it disappoint you.
Eventually, your kid will get there.
RELATED:
My Kid Isn’t Grateful – and I’m Frustrated
Planting Gratefulness in Our Children’s Hearts
Sometimes We Break Our Children’s Hearts
Read more of Kristina’s contributions to allmomdoes here.
