Today has been hard. I’ve been going through the motions, like we all have. To be honest, for the last 7 or so weeks (I don’t even know what week we are on of this pandemic) I’ve been my usual ‘Amanda’ self—‘This is fine, I’m fine.’ Smiling, laughing, encouraging those around me. Truth be told, I really have been ok, for the most part. I have a loving husband, two entertaining and adorable kitties, a roof over my head, and plenty of food. I really am, fine.
But, today hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt defeated in my work, I felt like I was letting my husband down, and I was angry that I wouldn’t even see my parents or siblings, let alone have a meal with them for Mother’s Day this coming weekend. I guess you could say, I hit my peak. I got upset and took it out on my husband (by ignoring him), and then on the vacuum- by furiously shoving our Dyson throughout the home, just to feel like I was achieving something.
I called up two good girlfriends of mine and my brother to talk about their days, but also share mine and receive encouragement and prayer. I was so heavily reminded throughout all three phone calls of the simple fact that:
I am not alone.
YOU are not alone.
We are all in this together.
While on the phone with my brother, I couldn’t help but think “I really want peanut butter…” So, when I got off the phone, I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and poured a glass of cold whole milk. I sat down and ate joyously, while I stared out at the mountains and trees. I suddenly felt…ok. The taste of that delicious, simple sandwich and glass of milk brought me back to my childhood. A reminder that—everything will be ok.
God knew that in that moment I just needed to simply slow down.
I needed to be reminded that HE is in control—and boy, is that the biggest relief!
We ALL have something during this time that is hard: work, or lack of work, spouses, children—life looks different for ALL of us. God used that moment to remind me that I don’t have to wear my ‘Amanda’ facade. God is enough and I am not expected to have the strength to do it all.
In fact, we can’t do it all on our own, we need to rely on Him. So, let’s admit that these days are harder than normal, but guess what, that’s ok! So, just as two of my girlfriends and my brother all did in their conversations with me—I encourage you all to give yourself grace.
God knows what you need and when you seek Him and give Him those moments—He will refuel you. For me, God used a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk—which seems so crazy! But that is the goodness, beauty, and faithfulness of our God. His crazy love for us is unending.
My prayer for all of you, is that you turn to Him when life gets hard, and don’t forget the sweetest gift He has given us: Grace.
