In 2003 our family had the opportunity to spend a week doing mission work on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten. On our first day, as introductions were made, my children, who were seven and nine, murmured to me, “Why do the kids talk funny?” Immediately I realized my African-American children were experiencing an unfamiliar accent. Although they attended a multiethnic Christian school, this was an important moment to explain language differences and clear up my children’s faulty perception as guests of another culture.
Here are some thoughts on handling these sometimes difficult situations with children.
Live with lavish grace
Every parent knows that kids really do say the darndest things—and at the most inopportune times! Expect this as a part of living and learning. Remembering that we adults also struggle with taming our tongues should help us extend more grace to growing little humans!
Show and tell
Ephesians 5:1 says, “Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children.”
God is the only perfect Father whose example is worth following. We do well to regularly inventory what kind of example we are setting before our children. Do we belittle and dehumanize people who are different from us, forgetting that our children will absorb the same attitudes?
Do your homework
Parenting involves preparation for interacting with others. Explain to children how we regard differences and how to ask questions when you are at home instead of in a public place. Talk to them about staring and pointing, and practice positive behavior roles at home so that a public incident isn’t the first lesson. Books can provide excellent talking points to grow empathy and understand how to honor differences.
Roll with it
Parents of children with disabilities have told me that they wish curious kids would approach their disabled child instead of staring or being turned away. As children interact with friends whose bodies and minds work differently than their own, they learn that different is good and that life is enriched as we see each other’s unique gifts.
Approach with kindness
A smile says “hello” before words are spoken. Teach children to have warm expressions toward other children, and when they are with you, also toward other adults. Even as we teach appropriate boundaries and caution, never underestimate how simple kindness can break barriers and exude warmth toward another human.
Get to the heart of it
Sometimes children blurt out as a reaction to someone’s difference because they are afraid. If you know your child’s cues for fear, assure them while also giving attention not to cause undue embarrassment toward the person they are afraid of. If you are able to, seek to express words of affirmation or at least a smile of assurance toward the person whom your child feels afraid of. Sometimes children’s imaginations get the best of them and a small visible difference may seem magnified in their eyes. Once you are in a calm and private place, you can unpack their reaction and replace fear with curiosity and care.
Follow the Master
What a beautiful example Christ displayed as He touched, healed, and ministered across cultural boundaries. His compassion knew no bounds. May we learn from His ways as dearly loved children.
By Dorena Williamson
Dorena Williamson has a passion for diversity stems from growing up in a pastor’s home that welcomed people from around the world. Her parents lived a life of love towards people of every race, faith, and culture. This laid the foundation for the work God prepared her for. Check out her latest children’s books ColorFull and ThoughtFull.
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