Parenting with intention can be a powerful way of loving your child well. Identifying your parenting style and understanding how it might complement your child’s temperament and personality is key to supporting your child through his or her development. How do we achieve this? Read on for an in-depth look at several parenting approaches and key personality traits that make your child unique.
This post is sponsored by The Bear Creek School.
Parenting Style
First, it is important to understand what your own parenting style is and how it can affect your child. Internationally renowned research psychologist Diana Baumrind identified four styles of parenting: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved/negligent. Baumrind describes authoritative parents as pragmatic and flexible, setting clear boundaries for their children and encouraging independence within those limits. Authoritarian parents are described as disciplinarians, controlling, and strict, implementing harsh punishments and consequences on their children. Permissive parenting is on the opposite end of the spectrum. This parenting style tends to lack boundaries and rules, instead opting for a parent-child relationship that looks more like a friendship. Finally, uninvolved/negligent parenting is disengaged, with a limited parenting role.
While authoritative parenting is widely considered the preferred approach for parenting, parenting author Jackie Bledsoe notes that each child requires a unique parenting approach. He writes that “your strong-willed child needs an authoritative approach […] your imaginative child needs a patient and positive approach […] your deep child needs a thoughtful and attentive parent approach” and “your diplomatic child needs a selfless and encouraging parenting approach.” Despite the clear styles of parenting that Baumrind identified, parents may need to pick and choose traits from different parenting styles in order to raise children well.
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You can learn more about your parenting style at activeparenting.com and verywellmind.com.
Personality and Temperament
Second, to love and raise your child well, it is important to understand his or her unique temperament and personality.
Temperament is a child’s emotional and behavioral style of responding to the world. It is closely tied to how a child is raised as parenting choices made from infancy affect the way a child interacts with and responds to the world around him or her. The nine traits of temperament are activity level, biological rhythms, initial reaction, adaptability, intensity, mood, distractibility, persistence/attention span, and sensory threshold. For example, a child’s activity level refers to how active a child may be. A child who has a high energy level will require extra “wiggle time” or physical activity to regulate his or her mind and body. Similarly, a child with a low sensory threshold may become overwhelmed by certain environments and situations. Implementing the use of tools such as ear protection can help children with sensory sensitivity operate in overwhelming environments. Each child will have unique variances within each of the nine categories of temperaments. These categories help us understand our child(ren) and develop a personal approach that meets their individual needs.
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Personality is the other aspect of a child’s unique nature. This encompasses a person’s thoughts, beliefs, dispositions, and preferences that are acquired throughout life. Personality observed in childhood are strong predictors of adult behaviors. For example, children who display an interest in verbal communication (i.e., they are talkative) tend to be intellectual and fluent speakers when they are adults. Because of this, it is important to know your child well so you can help nurture them as they grow.
In summary, loving your child well entails understanding your parenting style, knowing your child’s temperament and personality, and finally, using this knowledge to nurture and guide your child as he or she grows in independence. Learning more about your own parenting style coupled with who your child is as an individual can lead to happier parenting moments and an overall healthier relationship between parent and child. The better parents understand what their children need, the better they can love and support them.
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Sources:
- https://parentingscience.com/parenting-styles/
- https://www.allprodad.com/different-types-kids-parenting/
- https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/the_nine_traits_of_temperament
Amanda Gratton joined the Lower School faculty in 2020 as a kindergarten teacher. Her favorite part of teaching young students is helping them not only learn to read, but to develop a LOVE and excitement for reading! She holds a B.A. Liberal Studies from Chapman University and an M.Ed. from Pepperdine University, and she is a Ph.D. candidate at Seattle Pacific University where she is completing her doctoral dissertation on remote teaching preparedness among preservice teachers.
At The Bear Creek School, a Christian classical education serves as a powerful framework for teaching and inspiring students. It exposes students to quality by introducing them to the great minds, great works, great events, great discoveries, and great art of the centuries. We believe knowledge which endures is worth student attention; we believe studying minds of the past helps us understand and shape our future; we believe wisdom is developed by reflectively considering ideas in light of the Christian worldview.
