While I’m grateful for how God has provided, healed and blessed my life since my divorce, my former July 18 anniversary date stirs up a lot of grief over what our family has lost.
If you’ve got divorced girlfriends, I promise you that their wedding anniversary date is a source of awkwardness at best, deep depression at worst.
Here’s how my friends showed up for me and I hope that you’re inspired to show up for your divorced friends:
Acknowledge the day
Here’s the life-giving text that I received early yesterday: “I’m thinking about your today, and praying God’s loving kindness feels especially real!” This is so freakin’ important! You don’t have to get fancy. Your friend will feel seen and cared for. Trust me!
(Even if she’s remarried, she’ll appreciate that someone acknowledges that sadness that a post-divorce wedding date brings.)
Listen
If you see or talk to her, don’t try to fix her feelings or fill the space with your words. She maybe all over the place emotionally and that’s normal. If you must say something, ask her this: “What, if anything, is hard about today for you?” Then, say: “Thank you for sharing that with me.” Look, you can send Bible verses, encouragement or give advice later, but FIRST listen. That’s the gift that she needs most first.
“Hold space” with her
Holding space is offering the gift of presence in grief or sadness, even when it is uncomfortable for you. Divorce is the death of a marriage. In general, we are uncomfortable with divorce, especially when Christians end up divorced. Trust me, your divorced Christian girlfriend has felt the weight of all of the judgement and criticism of others.
In Psalm 34:18, it says that God is close to the brokenhearted. That’s holding space. Then, Jesus offered compassion to people without question. You can to.
About the Author: Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about teaching women to live beautifully strong and courageous in spite of their fears so that they can experience God’s great adventure of faith and purpose for their lives. Find out more on her Website!
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