I Made a Huge Parenting Mistake

My eight-year-old made a poor choice, so she got a consequence. She was upset about it. There was begging and pleading involved. But I held firm, because I know that’s what works.

But then I made a mistake.

Later that night, without any prompting from her, I eased up. I wanted to do something nice. I honestly thought – based on her reaction earlier in the day – that she’d learned her lesson, and that she’d appreciate a little grace.

But then she made the exact same poor choice she’d made just a few hours earlier. So I called her on it, reinstated and leveled-up the consequence, and endured an evening of hysterical sobbing from her room.

I did a lot of things right. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t yell. I spoke calmly and clearly and respected her boundary when she wanted to be left alone in her misery, and held her when she wanted to be consoled.

But for all I did right, I did one huge thing wrong. I failed to stick to my word the first time I delivered the consequence. I enforced it halfway, then declared it done before the full amount of time had elapsed. All I could think about as I listened to her wailing in her room was that the whole situation would have been avoided if I had just followed through properly. It was hard on me.

But it was also hard on her.

By making this mistake I did my daughter a disservice. Turns out she didn’t learn the lesson I thought she’d already internalized. And because of my error in judgment she had to deal with a second flood of emotions that exhausted her little body and ruined her evening.

I’m not a softie or a sucker for tears. Usually I’m firm and follow through like I know I should. But in this instance, I didn’t – and I learned from the consequences. It’s a mistake I won’t make again soon.

You Can’t Parent with Grace If You Don’t Regularly Enforce Consequences, Too