Every mom has felt unseen and unappreciated for all the work she does. I’ve definitely had my moments. But when I get to the heart of the issue, it’s less about them not appreciating me, but my kids being ungrateful in general.
Because let’s face it – nobody wants to raise an ungrateful human.
People (especially kids) are selfish by nature; anyone who’s had a toddler go through the “mine” phase knows that well. So how do we make kids more grateful and appreciative?
Make them do stuff around the house.
Now if you’re a chore-chart mama, great. But it doesn’t have to be such an organized thing. Just set the expectation that your kids help out once in awhile so they can feel the weight of responsibility. And then, when you step in every so often and carry that weight for them, they’ll feel the lightness.
They’ll feel the appreciation.
Case in point – my kids do their own laundry. It’s not a structured thing. There’s not a “laundry day.” I don’t even give them a hard time when their laundry basket looks like this.
But if they run out of pants, it’s nobody’s fault but theirs. And they know this well.
But sometimes, I give them a break. If I’m washing a load and have extra space (after all, I only wash for two now), I’ll tell them they can throw a few of their things in with mine and I’ll take care of it. If their “put away” pile is ridiculous, I might take a stack and help fill their drawers. And sometimes, it’s an even smaller gesture.
My youngest was getting ready for her bath and I casually mentioned, “By the way – I was doing a load of laundry and noticed you had a load in the wash so I switched it for you. Your load should be done drying after your bath.” And I didn’t expect what came next.
“Oh! Thank you so much, mama. I really appreciate that.” And it was in the sweetest tone that I knew was genuine. It was completely different from the habitual “Thanks for dinner” that’s become part of the dinner routine. Different than the “Thanks” I get for other small things. It was real, authentic gratitude – for such a tiny, seemingly insignificant gesture.
I’m all for teaching responsibility. I also find joy in serving my family. And when the two can combine to develop real gratitude, it’s a win all around.
