There’s a battle of epic proportions going on in my household, and while it doesn’t involve assembling the Avengers, it does have to do with Marvel movies. And Star Wars. Video games with age restrictions. Cell phones. Certain collectible card games.
These are all things that have been completely or nearly ruled out for our elementary school-aged kids. And because of this, it’s been established in schools and playgrounds alike that I am officially the mean mom.
At least weekly, I get an update from my oldest about movies and TV shows the kids at school have seen. Some of those very same movies and shows were difficult for me to watch without cringing. But because of the limits my husband and I have established in our household, my kids sometimes feel left out and babied.
Honestly, I struggle with this all the time. My kids still feel like babies to me. I mean, what happened to crime-fighting puppies and robot dinosaurs? They’re no longer enough to satisfy my kids’ hunger for entertainment. So, what is appropriate for their age level that isn’t aimed at teenagers?
Meanwhile, our open-ended society leaves me second-guessing: What good does it do to determine what my kids can or can’t watch? Won’t they encounter harmful things anyway? Doesn’t it mean that I’m limiting my kids, or holding them back from things they really should know?
But then I think about how easy it is for the Devil to get a foothold in my kids’ minds and hearts.
He would love to get into their heads, creating fearful circumstances that cause stress and anxiety that is unreasonable for young children to have to face. He wants them to encounter sin normalized and justified. He wants to give them easy and quick answers for the questions they’re seeking, ones that don’t involve God and glorify self.
As my kids’ mom, it’s up to me to safeguard our household from those Enemy attacks, and helping my kids not to grow up too much before they’re ready to handle some of the very grown-up things our world is facing.
Does it make it harder to have to say no to some of the things my kids are itching to participate in? Yes. Does it initiate honest conversations that are difficult to have? Yep. Does it leave my kids disappointed? Often.
But it also gives me the opportunity to share my faith with my kids. Establishing limits doesn’t mean we shy away from real-world issues in our house; we just talk about them in light of our beliefs and values. And we get the chance to hear each other out and find creative solutions, sometimes involving compromise and sometimes discovering something new we might not have otherwise.
Sometimes it means turning off devices completely and just–shockingly–hanging out outside or playing a game. (I say this with a little bit of sarcasm for our house, because we truly love a good movie but often find just as much delight in riding bikes or taking a hike.)
If you struggle with figuring out or maintaining boundaries in your household, here are some tips to help:
Be on the same page with the other grown-ups in your kids’ life, as much as possible.
If it’s you and your spouse, make sure you decide together what’s appropriate, and talk about your expectations, revisiting them when necessary. It’s okay to tell your kids to wait on something while you both talk and decide.
If you have extended family involved, make sure they know your limits as well. Our kids have learned what’s typically okay or not to watch when we’re not around. Having the same expectations when you’re out and about as when you’re at home is important for consistency.
Utilize your resources.
We appreciate websites like Common Sense Media to help us understand what kinds of situations our kids will encounter when it comes to movies, shows, games, and books we haven’t seen. We also chat with other parents with similar values–what’s worked for them? What was scary or age-inappropriate? Sometimes what you learn might lead you to a hard pass; sometimes it will just help you to be more prepared for conversations to come.
Pray over the choices! Sometimes what works for your family won’t work for someone else’s, and vice versa. Keep God at the center of your decisions, and ask for his guidance in uncertainty.
Get involved and interested in what your kids are playing or watching.
I’ll be completely honest–I’m often tired and busy, and it’s easy to let my kids do their own thing. It’s easier to check out while my kids are entertained than to ask them questions or watch a show or play a game with them.
When my kids started collecting Pokémon cards, my husband did something I didn’t expect: he bought himself a binder and a few dozen cards. Then on nights when we were all home, he would trade cards with the kids. I soon followed his example (even though I hardly know anything about Pokémon). It became the highlight of their day, and it gave us something to do as a family. Not only does it keep us in touch with what our kids are doing, but it gives us a chance to connect and engage with them too.
Involve your kids in the decisions and give them the chance to weigh in (with parents having the final say).
It always makes a difference when kids feel heard, and not immediately shut out. Sometimes we have to give an immediate no to something; and sometimes we work it out together. Sometimes there’s a substitute that leaves everyone feeling satisfied. Give your kids the chance to get engaged in decisions, or at least maybe give them some approved options that they can choose from.
How do you set limits in your household? What’s been helpful for your family?
PIN THIS!
Read more of Jenn’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
