I don’t usually play with my kids. Sure, we do a lot of stuff. I give them a lot of attention.
But “playing” isn’t exactly in my wheelhouse. While I might indulge them in the occasional board game, you’re more likely to see my kids setting up Monopoly on the floor and playing against each other. If we go to a pool, you’ll probably find me lounging on a chair reading a book while my husband is the one who gets in the water.
It’s just the way it is. And I don’t feel one bit of guilt about it.
But last weekend, I played. It started with an outing to a local trampoline park. At first, I just signed my daughter up. But then a friend texted me: “Are you jumping, too?” Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it. I mean, this was a chance for me to sign my kid up for something fun and get “good mom” points while sitting down and taking it easy for a couple of hours. We texted back and forth a bit and the resulting thread was basically, “I will if you will.” So I went back in and signed myself up for the event, too.
Long story short, we had a blast. My daughter was ecstatic that I was jumping with her and told anyone who would listen. I ended the evening with a full heart and empty camera roll; we were having so much fun just playing together that I didn’t take a single picture.
It was amazing.
And it would be incredibly easy for me to take that experience and try to scale it up to make it my new parenting philosophy. I’ll become the mom who plays. Because if one evening was great for my daughter, wouldn’t every day be better?
Regardless, it’s not happening.
Because you know what would come with that parenting philosophy? A hefty side of mom guilt. Guilt when I didn’t play. Guilt when I did choose self-care.
Instead, I’ll tuck that one experience away and enjoy it at face value. I know there will be moments going forward that I’ll choose to play with my kids – and I’ll enjoy them. I also know there will be moments I’ll choose not to – and I’ll enjoy them just as much, guilt-free.
Today there are so many types of moms who are all-or-nothing. Natural moms. Screen-free moms. Free-range moms. Sugar-free moms. Mindful moms. Attachment moms. Hands-free moms. Home-cooking moms. {Insert your own all-or-nothing mentality here.} And these philosophies all have so many good things to offer, but for some women it becomes toxic trying to get it 100% right 100% of the time.
Let’s allow moderation to infuse our parenting. Take pride in the moments you “get it right,” and find reasons to be proud of the moments that don’t look like you think they should. In fact, just last week my son asked if I’d buy a package of Fruit by the Foot. And while I’m not exactly a zero-processed-foods mama, I have never in my life bought Fruit by the Foot. I try to serve reasonably healthy meals made from real ingredients and my kids know that. But you know what they found in the cabinet when they went to make their lunches last week?
You guessed it. Fruit by the Foot.
For a week, they enjoyed a sugar bomb with lunch. But they also had a novelty that made them fit in with other kids, they looked forward to their treat at lunchtime, and – most importantly – my son learned that he can ask me for things and I’ll listen and genuinely consider his requests, even when he’s pretty sure the answer will be “no.” And often it probably will be, but not every single time. Sometimes mom will surprise him with a “yes.”
This week, there’s no Fruit by the Foot. I don’t expect there will be again for a long, long time. But I won’t say “never,” because that’s not how I roll.
After all, I’m not an all-or-nothing mom.
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