It’s Ok To Not Be Nice Sometimes

*Disclaimer: I don’t put a ton of stock into the whole Enneagram thing. I do, however, find it interesting and appreciate the insight it offers into my own personality as well as tips on how to serve those I love.*

I’m an Enneagram 8. For those who know me and know a little bit about the Enneagram, this is no surprise. For those who don’t know about either, an 8 is a Challenger. Some characteristics of an 8 are: protective, energetic, commanding, and forceful. I’m just a real delight. Ha!

I’m raising kids who are as unique as their fingerprints and each has their own special personality. A number cannot truly depict all of who they are, but my eldest certainly leans toward the Enneagram 9 traits: people-pleaser, friendly, agreeable, cooperative, trusting. She’s a peace-keeper and an actual delight to be around.

In short, I’m a cynic and she’s a sweetheart.

While a Challenger isn’t necessarily what I would choose to be described as, it does come with some benefits. For example, you never have to guess where I stand on an issue. I do not tiptoe around things, I’ll just say it like it is. I am not easily taken advantage of.

Contrariwise, a Peacemaker sounds like a dream. But it does come with its own problems. A peacemaker sometimes has difficulty determining their own opinion because they can see both/all sides of an issue. A peacemaker can be overlooked because they don’t speak up. A peacemaker sees the good in everyone. What, that’s a bad thing? Sometimes. Because sometimes people are creeps.

My husband and I are trying to raise our kids to be polite and respectful of adults and authority figures. Mostly. Because I know my sweet daughter has a propensity for going with the flow, I’ve recently added a caveat to the “respect your elders” spiel. Here it is: if any man ever makes you feel uncomfortable or crosses a line with you, no matter WHO HE IS, you are under no obligation to be sweet, charming, polite or even kind. It doesn’t matter if he is a boss or a teacher or a doctor or a coworker or a peer, you have our permission to react in whatever manner keeps you safe.

I think it’s pretty important that we embolden our daughters to speak up when a situation calls for it. Also, I hate that we have to. It makes me feel icky in my stomach to take away a measure of her innocence by warning her of the creeps out there. But not as icky as it makes me feel to send her out into the world unaware of their existence.

And so, we have given our daughter our blessing to react in big, bold ways if she is ever in a scenario that warrants it. We pray that she is never in a position that requires such a reaction and we also pray that she have the courage of a warrior Challenger should she ever need it.