My daughter was in an inquisitive mood. She was asking questions about her birth, her life as a baby, and things she did as a toddler. Seemingly satisfied with the insight, she walked out of the living room.
But seconds later, she returned.
“How did you find out if I was a boy or a girl? Were you happy?”
And for once, I had the perfect answer. I explained how ultrasounds work and told her they were able to see whether she was a boy or a girl while she was still in my belly. I told her we wanted it to be a memorable moment so we had the ultrasound tech write it on a card so we could open it up as a family and all be surprised together. And then I told her we had pictures.
I’m not a mom who captures every moment, but I’m sure glad I’d captured this one. I had pictures of my husband as he opened the card, examined the ultrasound photo, read the result, and let the news sink in.
And there was no mistaking his delight.
In the day-to-day it’s hard for our kids to recognize our love and delight no matter how hard we try. Sure, someday they’ll recognize the sacrifice of parenting but when we’re in the trenches neither us nor our kids have the wide-angle perspective to see the big picture. And sure, they know they’re loved. But comprehending the depth of that love is nearly impossible.
I watched my daughter’s face light up when she saw how excited her daddy was to learn he was having a daughter. She knows he loves her, but this took it to a different level. And it got me thinking about how, no matter how much we claim to understand our heavenly Father’s infinite love, we can never truly know the depth.
It both motivates me and makes me sad. It motivates me to lift my head up every once in awhile from the intensive task at hand and try to show my kids the love that I feel for them regardless of their behavior, performance, or situation. But it also reminds me that I’m doing this parenting thing regardless of their recognition, acknowledgement, or understanding.
Because in reality they’ll never know the depths.
Just as I’ll never understand the depths of my Father’s love for me.
As parents, it’s just something we have to make peace with. Our kids will get glimpses, and those little moments will hopefully get tucked inside their hearts and turned into an anchor they cling to during tumultuous times. But if we spend all of our efforts trying to make them understand how much we care, we’ll miss the mark. Because our job isn’t to make them understand our love. It’s to raise them well within the context of it.
Our love is not dependent on their recognition, just as our Father’s love isn’t dependent on ours. Our parenting goals don’t change based on whether or not our kids acknowledge we care. Our goal is to raise children of integrity, character, and faith – regardless of whether they understand our love on this side of adulthood.
Or, in our Father’s case, on this side of heaven.
Is Parenting A Challenging Child Breaking Your Heart? You’re Not Alone.
