Do you need help learning how to effectively manage money so you can teach your kids to manage theirs? Stop the cycle of struggle. Crown Financial Ministries has some great, FREE resources available to AllMomDoes readers – check them out here! You can do this, mom!
I’ll admit it. I’m a wee bit of a control freak.
Couple that with my preoccupation with money management and you’ve basically got a recipe for disaster.
Here’s the deal: We’re not wealthy, but we try to manage our money well to make it go as far as possible. Which, so far, has worked out okay.
But if I’m being totally honest, my control-freak nature can take my propensity for frugality all the way to miserliness.
Yup, it would be so easy to cross the line over into Mr. Scrooge territory.
But I know this, so I intentionally fight against it. I acknowledge when I’m being too cheap, too controlling, or just plain irrational. I often take a step back and purposefully loosen our spending so as not to give in to my need to maintain complete control; that will just reinforce my need and make it grow.
But it’s way harder to loosen those reins when I’m trying to teach my kids about money.
You see, the stakes feel so high. I feel if I don’t teach them solid money management skills I’m setting them up for a life of financial struggle – and nobody wants that for their kids. I’m afraid that if they make a poor spending choice they’ll regret it and then feel disappointed. And nobody wants that for their kids, either.
For his birthday, all my son wanted was Pokemon cards. So we got him a couple of packs, and then he got birthday money and he bought a bunch more cards on his own. Then he bought a binder and spent hours organizing them and had all these nice pristine Pokemon cards arranged perfectly in this neat little book.
But then.
He wanted to take his cards to school and start trading them.
I told him no. Not yet. He didn’t know enough about the different Pokemons to make wise choices.
He asked again.
Still no.
But then I realized. It was me and my control issues again. I was looking at those ridiculous Pokemon cards as little dollar bills marching out my door and I didn’t want him to make a decision that he would regret later.
So I finally said yes.
And he took his Pokemon cards to school and didn’t trade any that first day. Or the second day. Or even the third. (If anything, my boy is not impulsive.)
But then finally, he came home and excitedly proclaimed that he’d made his first trade. And he’d done a good job. But still I launched into a whole soliloquy on negotiations and win-win deals and…if I wasn’t teaching him a money lesson, at least I could turn it into a business lesson.
Then he came home and was super proud to tell me how he’d made a trade for a really good card, and when he took it out it basically looked like it had been trampled in the mud.
So I told him how it actually wasn’t a good trade if he’s trading one of his shiny new cards for an old, crumpled one.
Long story short, he cried. Longer story short, I told him I would keep my mouth shut about all of his future Pokemon trading announcements and simply be happy for him.
And since that time, I’ve kept my word. He’s been on his own. And he’s done just fine.
You guys. I’ve got no skin in this game. I’m looking at these Pokemon trades like they’re high-stakes financial investments.
I’m taking away his autonomy, making him rely on me, and keeping him from trusting his own instincts.
And from making his own mistakes.
Basically, I’m being ridiculous.
I’m expecting him to make money (or, in this instance, Pokemon) decisions with all the wisdom and perspective of an adult in their upper 30’s.
And if I’m being completely honest, I don’t want to deal with the fallout of his disappointment if he makes a decision he regrets.
But I forgot that sometimes pain is necessary and makes for a stronger character. And making money mistakes and learning lessons when you’re 8 is a lot easier than making mistakes and learning lessons when you’re 30.
So let your kid manage their own money. Give them some parameters to spend, save, and give various portions, but beyond that let them do what they want – especially the money that’s allocated to “spend.” Let them learn how it feels to make poor choices and make wise choices.
And let them do it now. Because even though it hurts your heart to watch them make poor choices now, it will hurt theirs a whole lot more if they make them later.
Do you need help learning how to effectively manage money so you can teach your kids to manage theirs? Stop the cycle of struggle. Crown Financial Ministries has some great, FREE resources available to AllMomDoes readers – check them out here! You can do this, mom!
