You guys, we’re all just doing what we can right now. For many of us, the shock and novelty of quarantine has worn off and we’re settling in to the possibility that we’re in this for the long haul. Nobody’s holding out hope that the kids will go back to school soon, that summer camps will be accepting kids, or that our next vacation is actually going to happen.
We’ve accepted that at this point, the only thing we can do is hold everything loosely.
But sometimes, it still becomes too much.
We cope how we need, and we fall apart when we need. But many of us also have partners who may be coping and falling apart in the ways that they need and sometimes it feels incompatible.
My husband copes by doing stuff. Yard work. House chores. Fixing things. I cope by doing nothing. And if we’re being honest, his biggest pet peeve in life is doing nothing. It’s also wasteful spending. Which is also unfortunate since these days I run to the store for batteries and milk and come home with this:
But you know what I hear these days? Nothing. If I have a day where I’m a lump on the couch, he feeds the kids dinner does a load of laundry. When I come home and show him my newest purchase, he just chuckles. And if he has a day that he’s extra irritable from the added frustrations of working from home, I resist the urge to suggest he should check his attitude. No comments, no criticism, no escalation.
During this season, we all need grace. And I’m finding it easier to give since I know right now I’m not my best self, either.
My husband and I have an agreement that is getting us through this season: One of us has to be functional at all times. After all, we’ve got kids in the house who still need us. If I see him having a rough day, I make sure I’ve got it together – even if I don’t feel like it. If he senses I need a day to be a blob, he steps up without a word. And if we need something, we communicate it.
It’s not that hard. In fact, things should probably operate this way even when we’re not housebound with each other 24/7. But it’s easy to forget in the face of a crisis since we’re either overwhelmed with our own needs or burned out selflessly sacrificing our sanity for the needs of others.
So what does love look like during COVID-19? Grace. Communication. Understanding.
And taking turns being functional. Cope how you need, and fall apart when you need. As long as at least one of you has it together each day, you’re going to make it.
