Mourning the Loss of a Year

My husband and I took our two kids to a restaurant last week. Not for takeout but actually to sit down indoors and have dinner and drinks. It was the first time we had been inside eating in a restaurant in over a year. We have had fast food, door dash and take out this past year of the pandemic. We even dined outside when guidelines lifted at one point and we were allowed to do so. But indoor dining had become a thing of the past.

We laughed about how weird it was to be eating inside a restaurant and then went down the trail of all the other odd things this year has brought. They are countless.

As I sat there enjoying a drink and relaxing with my family, I couldn’t help but also breathe a bit heavy. As the world opens back up, it makes me realize just how much was lost this past year.

This pandemic has impacted everyone and every family in different ways. Some have been hit harder than others by the pandemic. There are many who have faced the devastating reality of COVID -19 with the loss of a loved one. I won’t even try to compare my year to those who have experienced this kind of loss from the virus.

When I think about the past 13 months, I can’t help but fall into a state of mourning for this year.

The loss of in-person school for over an entire year. As I write this, my two elementary aged kids are still not in-person for school. I mourn what they have lost not only academically through remote learning but socially with the absence of daily in-person interaction with peers. The loss of events like birthday parties being put on hold and all the wonderful experiences that are so important to kids.

I mourn the loss of a year with my mom. Not hugging her without a mask on and ensuring we stay 6 feet apart. While I am glad she has stayed secluded and healthy, it has been incredibly difficult.

The days of taking a break for a Target run and maybe a little wine tasting with friends without having to overthink every step of the way and have worry set in afterwards. I miss those days of not knowing how much freedom I actually had.

I mourn the loss of this year in so many ways and it’s overwhelming to think about life 13 months ago compared to life today.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18).

This speaks to me because I do often feel crushed in spirit from this past year. I repeat verses like this one to myself because it reminds me there is hope.

Just like it’s ok to be a grumpy mom once in awhile, it’s also ok to mourn this year. It’s ok to not find the glass half full with what we have each been handed.

While there are countless things I flat out hate about this past year, there are also countless things that I have come to love. All the extra game nights and quality time with my kids we never would have had if the pandemic hadn’t hit. The way my family can sit back and laugh about some of the weirdly hilarious things this year has brought.

But today, I choose to let myself mourn because I don’t want to push down that very real reality of what this year has brought us.

As we tread into pieces of life pre-pandemic, it is ok to still mourn things from the year. If you are struggling, we are here with you and in this together.