New Year, New Me… No Thanks

As I packed up the Christmas decorations this year, I started reflecting on 2022 and what I hope to accomplish in 2023. We have some big things ahead including a complete kitchen remodel so I know the year is going to feel stressful and crazy at times; even more than usual I’m guessing. Then, like most other years, my thoughts started leading down the health and fitness path and goals I could set for myself. Thoughts like working out more often and for longer duration and eating better. Very typical I think for many of us as we become surrounded by advertisements for things like gym memberships and ways we can better ourselves in the new year.

I write a letter to myself each December, tuck it away in a Christmas tote and open it the following December. I write about life, my kids, marriage, work and anything else I think “future me” will want to recall a year from now. Almost every year I write something in the letter about losing weight. Then the following year I open it and shake my head in that sort of “oops I forgot to lose weight” poking fun at myself but also allowing disappointment seep in.

As I packed away the totes, I read my letter from 2021. I found such joy reading what the kids got for Christmas (because it’s so easy to forget a year later), remembering what I was looking forward to and what I was worried about; all through the lens of having now lived through that year that I was simply anticipating when I had written the letter.

Sure enough, I mentioned wanting to lose weight. I even wrote something along the lines of new year new me. It immediately gave me this feeling of disappointment in myself because I was not some new or different person than I was a year prior. I focused on quickly pushing those negative thoughts away. As I sat down to write my 2022 letter, I was overcome with what an amazing year it was. So much to be thankful for. Sure, I could drop a few pounds but why let that be a focus? I don’t need some sort of new me just because it’s a new year.

I decided I am not going to let my 2022 self poke disappointment with my 2023 self a year from now.

I am not interested in a new year, new me.

Instead, I want to read my letter a year from now and have it full of truth about the year. The struggles, the wins and things in-between. I do aspire to reboot things like my exercise and healthy eating habits. Not because I think I need some new version of myself but because I know it makes me feel better when I focus on making good decisions most of the time but also allow myself to enjoy things without putting some crazy thoughts around me reinventing myself.

As I look forward anticipating all the things the new year may bring, I pray that I can remember that I am perfect in God’s eyes. I hope when I read my letter a year from now I am proud of things I accomplished, humbled by the challenges that arose and ultimately glad that I am still me.

Happy New Year!