No Valentines Allowed

My daughter’s fourth grade teacher this year has a strong passion for equity and inclusion. Instead of focusing on holidays that perhaps most students celebrate, she makes it a point to recognize and teach about all holidays and traditions. Her classroom has a focus on virtues which can be visually seen the moment you enter because students create virtue cards as a way to recognize positive behavior of their peers. They then hang the cards up all around the room and they celebrate each time they have a certain amount displayed. Students then get to bring home the cards and it is so much fun reading what others have written about my daughter and the examples they share when she showed kindness, perseverance, patience or some other virtue during the school day.

It was no surprise when we received an email that they would not be exchanging valentines this year. Instead, they would make kindness cards during the school day as a way to recognize that not everyone celebrates Valentine’s Day; after all, it certainly can be viewed as more of a Hallmark holiday anyhow. Instead of a focus on things like be my valentine, the focus is on virtues and highlighting examples where their peers showed positive behavior to someone else.

The best part is that they will be making these cards during the school day. That’s right, I have zero responsibility. No going to Target only to find my daughter doesn’t like any of those cards and then someone ending up hand making them the night before. We don’t need that stress and I am a big fan of her teacher recognizing this.

Valentine’s Day can end up not only stressful to parents but can result in a competition amongst the kids of who brought the best one and then negatively impact the kids who perhaps forgot, couldn’t afford to participate or who brought something that other students deemed not cool enough.

I have had many years of providing valentines for dozens of kids and if you need help with ideas, we have you covered. There are options for us non crafty moms or for those who refuse to load the kids up with sugar. Ultimately, it really is at the teacher’s discretion on how they want to handle the day; but that doesn’t mean that you cannot try to strongly influence the decision.

Not allowing valentines is not saying no to fun. I am all for students making memories through things like classroom parties and celebrations. My daughter certainly still has events like popcorn and pajama parties to celebrate certain milestones they accomplish as a class.

I think the idea of the kindness cards on February 14^th is a way to have fun but to put a focus on recognizing others and, therefore, building the importance of being a thoughtful, compassionate human being. They likely wouldn’t recall who brought the sweet tarts or gummy worms but they might actually remember how it felt when they were recognized for a specific example in which they went out of their way to show kindness.

My kids attend a public school so there is not a focus on any one particular religion or holiday. But when my daughter and her classmates are taught the importance of kindness, that is exactly what Jesus would teach. A public school wouldn’t point that out of course but it is a conversation we can then have as a family.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:13

I grew up with Valentine’s Day being a day where I got candy from classmates. That was pretty much the extent of it. I have fond memories of it but I also remember a lot of hurt feelings amongst some kids when they didn’t get a valentine from a certain person or they got teased because they didn’t bring cards to hand out.

I can still see the fun side of silly valentine cards and the overall intent of showing others you are thinking of them and care for them or are glad they are your friend.

But it might be time for us to rethink how to do this to ensure inclusivity as much as possible. Some kids desperately need to hear words of kindness and to learn what it means to be giving and compassionate. They might not have that positive influence at home.

No matter what your school has planned for February 14^th, I pray it can be a day with fun and that everyone remembers to not only show kindness but to also stop and point out some things that others have done for you that had a positive impact.