I know this phrase has likely been said since the beginning of time, but parenting is not what it used to be! Technology, for better or worse, is a whole new ball game. When my husband and I were little, things used to be so simple (another thing I’m quite sure every generation has said!) We wrote down a friend’s phone number at school and if the land line was free later, we could call them and have a chat or make plans. We wrote everything down at school and had this ancient thing called a computer lab where we learned how to type and create Word documents.
For the most part, I think kids and parents back then were more present in their day to day lives. Once the phone hung up, that was it. No scrolling, posting, texting, or Candy Crushing. Fast forward to today and there are so many things competing for our children’s attention that it can be difficult to keep track of it all. Honestly, it feels downright exhausting at times! When they’re little, it’s easier to control screen time and you don’t have worry about your toddler texting or checking the search history on their school laptop.
I’m not saying that all technology is the devil, even though I have been accused of such by a certain teenager I know. I acknowledge how beneficial it can be and how many great things can come of it! There are mounds of encouraging material, helpful websites, and ways to communicate with friends and loved ones that make life a lot simpler. The hard part about raising kids in a world that’s so saturated with screens and media, is teaching them how to set healthy limits for themselves. We all know how tempting it can be to have this wealth of information and entertainment at our fingertips. Even adults can struggle to regulate their screen time, so how do we show children and teens how to find a balance and set limits in the high-speed, high-tech world they’re growing up in?
I assure you, the answer to that question won’t make you the most popular mom in the neighborhood. Regardless of what other parents say, it’s still our job to set limits for them when they haven’t yet developed the skills or experience to do it themselves.
I can’t speak for schools everywhere but in our public school district, kids in fourth grade and up take their school laptops home with them. I’m not a fan of this, even though I see the benefits for teachers, kids who stay home sick and need to catch up on work, or those who don’t have access to computers at home. For parents, it’s just one more screen we need to limit and monitor. Even with an app through the district that shows us what sites our kids have visited, it’s easy to miss things. Through much trial and error over the last few years, we’ve found a pretty good system for handling the many laptops, video games, tv’s, and phones that float around here. It might not be perfect, and we have made many mistakes, but it’s the best we have so far and has helped us maintain our sanity in this crazy household we live in!
The first thing sounds like a lot of work, but once everyone is used to it things run a lot more smoothly! We keep all remotes, video game controllers, phones, tablets, and laptops in one place as well as having passwords to get into them that the kids don’t know. Ideally, this is a place where you will notice if something is snagged by an older kiddo who is tempted to sneak one more game in or watch something after mom and dad are asleep.
For us, it’s a storage basket in our room. Laptops and cell phones aren’t allowed to be taken downstairs and can only be used in the main living area. Essentially, we “check out” any devices or remotes. For our family, that simplifies things for us and we aren’t constantly having to check who has what or how long they’ve been on it.
My favorite thing about this system, is that it gives our kids freedom to still be kids. Especially when it comes to our almost fourteen-year-old and his cell phone, the last thing we want is for him to feel like he must always be attached to it-even though he might want to be sometimes! We aren’t experts by any means, but my husband and I are determined to help our children to develop a balance so that hopefully when they leave our home someday, they will be able to manage their time wisely and be present in the world around them.
The next thing is likely to be met with some resistance depending on what your kids are used to, but everyone functions a lot better when they know what the expectations are. If things have become a frustrating mess, setting up a video game or tablet time schedule can really help cut the chaos down. For us, that looks like no video games on weekdays. It just got too complicated trying to keep track of how long someone has played and didn’t seem to help anyone’s attitudes after a long day at school. It was such a breath of fresh air to not have to have that conversation every day and knowing that video games weren’t even option helped our kids focus on other things.
To tell the truth, there are days I just want to throw away all devices and move my family out to a cabin in the woods. It can be really overwhelming and honestly even obnoxious to have to navigate technology as a parent (especially when your kids start to surpass your knowledge on it!) Blocking all the things, monitoring, setting up boundaries. It’s just a lot! It’s ok if that drives you nuts. It might get even more complicated depending on your family situation and if your older kids spend time at home without you.
Messy stuff aside, I also understand that this is the world my kids are living in, and that means it’s also our job to equip them. Giving them access to everything is easy, guarding their hearts and minds is not. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7
I can promise you it is worth every exhausting moment, and we have to try. We do what we can, and pray without ceasing for the wisdom to raise our children in the way the Lord wants them to go. Hopefully someday when our kids look back at these years, they’ll be grateful we did things this way. Even if they don’t and they still think we’re strict and crazy, I know I’ll sleep well at night knowing we gave it everything we had.
Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
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Read more of Maria’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
