I love everything about holidays. Show me a wreath made out of toilet paper rolls or an ornament made out of used corks and I’m your gal. Add in beautifully styled photographs and I’ll already have one leg in the car to head down to the craft store for more glue sticks and glitter! Pinterest was created for people like me.
You know. Suckers.
Because, the thing is, those Pinterest people who live in perfectly decorated ivory towers make everything seem so easy and wonderful. Some of them even have videos that show their manicured hands easily twisting and tying and gluing ordinary objects into beautiful designer-worthy décor (do I sound bitter?).
After many years of trial and ERROR (all caps!), I have usually figured out which “easy” projects are beyond my capabilities (most of them).
But, when I saw these EASY monsters, I quickly fell back into “I can do it!” mode. The instructions were so simple: “Dip Butterfinger candy bars into candy coating and decorate.” Seriously, what could go wrong?
A lot, it seems.
First, I had to gather the ingredients. The candy bars were easy to find and I had eyeballs left over from past years. So far, so good. My variety store carried candy melts in every color of the rainbow. But, when I got there, the monster-green bin was empty. Apparently, other craft-crazed women had seen the same recipe and beat me to the punch. That was red flag number one to just walk away and quit while I was ahead. I ignored that flag and bought the white candy coating instead. I figured I could dye them green later.
Once I had everything I needed, I still felt optimistic as I unwrapped the first candy bar. And then, it fell into a pile of broken pieces. I unwrapped the next one and the next one and suddenly red flags were dropping like flies. “Run away!” my inner voice cried. I sat and looked down at the pile of broken bars I had unwrapped. Seriously, had the stock team played soccer with the candy bags?
But, I’m not a quitter, so I switched to a different kind of candy bar from the giant stash of candy I had bought “for the neighbor kids” (who am I kidding?). This time I had success and the bars were all in one piece.
Next, I melted the candy melts, which took a lot longer than the package said. I kept melting and stirring, melting and stirring and even when I had melted them for twice the time suggested, I was left with a thick, pasty consistency instead of the liquid I was expecting (plus, the green I created looked like radioactive barf).
I dipped the first bar anyway and as I tried to set it on the parchment it threatened to dissolve into a green and brown puddle. My fingers left deep fingerprints as the candy squirted out of my hand and the resulting mess in no way resembled the tidily dipped bars I had seen on Pinterest.
By this time, the number of red flags falling all around me was too numerous to count, but I continued to ignore them all as I spread the thick, pasty, green coating onto three sides of each candy bar with a knife.
The eyes should have been the easy part. They weren’t. My hands were a mess and every time I went to pick up two eyes, a few stowaways managed to attach themselves to my fingers and drop off only when my hand was over the top of my monster faces.
I gave up on the neatly piped scars and other features pictured online and instead dropped gobs of black frosting into roughly the shape of mouths.
My creations were ugly with a capital UG! But, I had invested too much blood, sweat and tears on them to throw them away. So, instead of cute monsters, I renamed them zombies and put them on a cake stand at my party anyway.
Because, one thing I really have learned is that you have to laugh at the curveballs life throws at you (or, in this case, the zombies!).
Now, just for fun, let’s look at a split-screen shot of the Pinterest version vs. my version:
NAILED IT!
Now, on to the Christmas crafts!
