by the Bellevue Christian School Counseling Staff
The pressure is on for 2021, as so many of us are stepping into the new year ready for change, ready for relief, grasping for hope and the promise of change. The pandemic has been an overwhelming reminder to us of how little is in our control. Yet, as Christians, we are called to living a life in humility and surrender recognizing that God is always the one in control; while we do not control the greater narrative, he equips us and invites us into the story. This notion makes me think of one of my favorite lines from Mary Oliver’s Poem, The Summer Day:
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
In the face of chaos and unknown we are faced with two choices – to retreat or rise. When we rise, we answer the call of faith to do what we can with what we have been given. Certainly, there is space to recognize and hold the grief and stress of this year – we have all experienced varying degrees of these two things during the pandemic. The grief of our broken plans, our crushed hopes, jobs lost and, ultimately, lives lost. Stress abounds in the lives of all as we respond to the collective trauma we have and continue to experience in our nation and our world. At some point though, we must step out of this space of reflection/acknowledgement and choose action. While there is so much I could say about this, today I want to share a simple but powerful lesson we are exploring with our Junior High Students: how we respond to stress.
What is in our control? While so much is not, we certainly are not helpless or without purpose. Stress robs us of our peace and is a thief of control. Seeking to support students, as parents and educators we must first recognize our own stress and the impact it is having on our lives, and then consider how our stress impacts our students. Speaking with students, so much of their stress is from perceived expectations of adults in their lives. When we are having a stressful day, they feel it. They hear our tone, they see our actions, they notice our engagement or lack-thereof. Our students are always watching, and always learning from what we model. In a time that is particularly chaotic and stress provoking, we have a responsibility to model self-care and healthy responses to stress. While we cannot eliminate many stressful circumstances, we can control how we respond to them. Further, we are responsible for being clear about our expectations and eliminating false narratives causing unnecessary stress for our students.
Stress is not entirely negative though as it can move us towards positive action and reaction, and it can build resilience and confidence. In our social emotional lessons, following The Committee for Children’s Second Step curriculum, we ask our students what is and is not in their control.
For example:
- Can we control the fact that we are living in a global pandemic or when it will end? No.
- Can we decide our attitude toward said circumstances? Yes.
- Can we control being assigned a stress inducing assessment? No.
- Can we prepare and study to reduce our active feelings of stress around it? Yes.
- Can we control unkind things said online? No.
- Can we control our decision of how to respond and process it? Yes… I hope you are catching on this pattern.
In the face of stress that feels out of our control, we have the gift of our personal agency and our empowerment to live our lives in a way that reflects Christ. We are not helpless. We are not victims. The stress is real, and yet we can choose for it to not rule over us.
Beyond modeling your own healthy stress management for your children, I encourage you to learn more about what is causing them stress. You know your child best: perhaps it’s a family conversation at dinner, or a smaller more intimate conversations while walking or shooting hoops. Either way, dare to ask your student what is stressing them out at home, at school, in their social lives and in the world. Dare to listen and not assume. Then, with grace and patience, help by simply acknowledging the stress, and then asking them what they think is and is not in their control. It sounds simple, but it’s quite profound and empowering. It rids us of responsibility that is either not our own, or impossible to control, and frees us up to act on what we can.
In this stressful time, I implore you to speak truth to your students, model healthy responses to your own circumstances, and seek to help them live humble yet empowered lives through asking what they can do rather than focusing on what they cannot. We are all learning.
We invite you to call the Admissions Office today at (425) 460-3300, apply online at bellevuechristian.org or email BCS at admissions@bellevuechristian.org. We are happy to setup a tour or tell you more about our special programs, Athletics, Arts and Academics. Bellevue Christian is excited to work alongside you to prepare your child to live faithfully for Christ.
